A
female
age
41-50,
*nimeGrl
writes:I am nine months pregnant and I think my partner is cheating on me. We are almost never intimate anymore. I have asked him if it is because I am so fat - I always gain a lot of weight in pregnancy (60 lbs with both my previous kids), and my ex never touched me again after our second child together (this is my first with current partner). I am 5'0" and have put on 50 lbs. but it's been a long time since he was interested in me, long before I had gained this much. I can't imagine being comfortable opening up and being naked in front of him during labor, I can barely figure out what to wear to bed so I won't repulse him - he piles the covers between us so he doesn't have to touch me. I don't pig out on ice cream or sweets, I eat fruit and cereal and chicken and pasta. It doesn't seem to matter. He used to eat a huge bowl of ice cream every night, though, and suddenly realized HE had put on quite a bit of weight. I never stopped being attracted to him, but suddenly he went on a diet, which makes me think even more that he is having casual sex or a fling with another woman or other women.He is also registered on a website for committed people seeking affairs -- someone sent me a link to his profile a couple of weeks ago, and I've been crying my eyes out every day since then. He "works" late nights at his office, til 11pm or midnight, but every time I've gone by there, he is there, alone. I know he watches porn, always has, and I've tried to be ok with that even though it's outside my comfort zone, but it's another thing to be actively seeking "something short term" with real live women in our area.There are other issues between us but this one I just can't understand. We used to be very sexual and he made me feel so sexy all the time, really improved my body image from what it once was, but that's been completely erased. Since I've been pregnant he has said that he's afraid to hurt the baby or he's stressed out by work (my ex used that one too, I wonder if he knew that and was being poetic). But the other night he let it slip; he flipped to Skinemax and I said, "You know if you won't have sex with me, please don't put this on right in front of me. I don't want to see you watching sexy naked women..." and he said, "Don't worry, you'll be sexy again after the baby comes." Wow. If I try to talk to him, and get visibly upset, he says it's "baby mama drama" and sometimes even goes to a hotel for the night.
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female
reader, AnimeGrl +, writes (13 June 2011):
AnimeGrl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should clarify that I gained 60 lbs with each of my other pregnancies...and lost it! I was 85 lbs when my BF and I started dating, in fact, and he used to suggest that I gain weight. Told me when I got to ~100 lbs. that I was much more attractive. I don't see why I wouldn't lose the weight this time too, but I'm afraid it will be too late.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Omg you poor woman, There isn't much evidence that hes cheating here but he is definitely crushing your confidence.
Alot of woman who have had children have low self esteem after giving birth and after two children myself i know how you feel.
I think its very inconsiderate that he is watching porn and sexy women and ignoring you and the fact that he is going to hotels is ridiculous of course you are going to be suspicious of what hes up to when hes doing that.
I think that you need to say to him that his actions are really upsetting you and you suspect that he has no interest in you anymore, i really think that you need to be very frank with this because if you dont come straight out with it, your mental health and self esteem will be effected and it will eat away at you. I honestly think that he is vile for doing this to you, and when you have your baby you work hard and get yourself back to your old self and gain some confidence then you take some time for yourself and when you feel sexy again and feel him wanting you again, well then the power is in you hands and i def wont be giving into him after how he treated you, maybe you'll be a yummy mummy and not that attracted to him anymore.. remember hun whats good for the goose....!! best of luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): 'He is also registered on a website for committed people seeking affairs -- someone sent me a link to his profile a couple of weeks ago' - sorry to hear this. This would indicate that he wants to cheat, it's possible he has already. You really need to talk to him about what is going on but I'm wondering if you should wait until you have had the baby? I think it is incredibly selfish to cheat while you are having his baby, what kind of man does that?
Please do try and stay calm though, for yourself and the baby. Seek support and lots of it, you need it right now. Talk to friends and family. I hope it works out for you.
If you do end up splitting up, remember you will be okay. You dont need to be with a man to bring up kids and certainly not someone who is ready to cheat on you while you are carrying his child. Why cant he just make do with masturbation and porn like the rest of the world?! Take care x
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