A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 8 months broke up with me. He was my first boyfriend. he said "We are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere." He said he originally planned to just let it fade away. He said he has been thinking for a few weeks and that I was getting obsessed with the relationship, and we hadnt met up for two weeks anyway. Originally I didnt feel too bad about the BU. I wasn't sure if he's the guy I want to marry anyway, I thought he was unappreciative and taking my efforts for granted, some of our values are different.However, at time goes by I started realizing how I might have driven him away in the end. I have talked/bickered about drunk calling and waking me up at middle of night, (and said who let me make rules , drama queen, I am better off with no one calling, now I dunno why I am mad with drunk calling!), about him being too last minutes about plans at times which when I couldnt make it (or I got plans with my family already), he "joked" about "needing two gf". He prob think I was being controlling, and wasnt there for him enoughThe only time we had a face-to-face "fight" was one month before the BU, which I told him that "I am always the one who come all the way over to your place (I need to travel an hour) and I am making an effort here to make it work, and I feel like I wasnt being appreciated when you are playing with your phone." now i realized I was bit emotional or dramatic for leaving the place to talk to my friend on phone and cried a bit before hand, since he was acting cold. After I finished saying it, he was pissed saying that "you come to tell me this? I told you I dont want to talk about it and you said you wont. You dont have to come, you can leave. I do what I want to do. Maybe you should not date, this is not fun. you ruined my weekend." It hurt but I just said "ok I wont talk about it anymore". he just asked me to pick a movie to watch, we were a bit distant the next morning but everything was fine by night. I was still a bit upset for what he said for days afterwards. During that following week, I bickered twice about things which I now realized it's no big deal, when we were texting, for a few lines, he called me a drama queen or asked me to relax, and then I stopped.Also I now think he might actually care about me, appreciated me and I just misunderstood him and blew up chances in the end:He said he's thought for a few weeks before the actual BU.He sorta justify why I talked about the phone thing or being emotional that time (asking if I was having the bad week, which I did tell him before, and told me "feel better kid, please be happy", then said he was drinking followed by crazy drunk text, and led me later that night to say "I thought u meant it when u asked me to be happy but then you are just drunk." and of course he called me a drama queen which now I agree)He still asked me to hang out until after one time he said I am "unsupportive" (I told him I would text him to see if he really woke up early the next day, since he drunk texted me at 2am saying he will wake up really early to go to the gym before meeting me, he said how I was a good support and "why did I date you haha". I said he doesnt seem to wake up early after drinking except for work and he said I really dont know him well. I said I am not gonna talk about it and then ask him to have fun at gym and good night. He did make me wait for 2 hours on the street because he couldnt wake up before, But why couldnt I just say "ok" and then back to sleep?!). We still met up that day, he was the one texting me to confirm the time for meet up. The week after that, I asked him to hang out twice, he sorta seemed fine with it. And then he started getting distant.Now, we see each other once in a while because of climbing events that we both go to. If we talk, it would be him starting it. On valentine's day, I was chilling at a bar with my friend, He said hi to me when we passed his table on our way out. Later he come outside, talk to me a bit first, before leaving to find his friends but also told me which bar he was heading to and said I should come when I feel bored (which I didnt)Most of the days I am fine, it's just whenever I come across lines with "dramatic"/"drama queen", "crazy", "controlling", "unsupportive" it makes me think of the stupid things or stuff I said. Moreover, my ocassional disagreements with my parents and them nagging me, making a fuss of things make me realized how I might have messed up before, like I now know why my ex hated me so.It's already 8 months, and I know it's unhealthy. I know going out, meeting new people, socializing can help but I also got finals to worry about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realized part of the reason why I would still analyze what was happening towards the end of relationship before the break up was that I still havent/couldnt deleted my whatsapp history with him. Not that I will ever forget all the things that happened (they will be stuck in my head for long), but if the chat history is there, I could easily go back and read and further discover new things or analyze what happened even more.
So I deleted it yesterday. it felt weird, seeing the stuff that built up for more than 1 year just disappeared less than a second after clicking the button :/
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): I'm a bit puzzled as to what your actual question is. Are you asking for advice on how to move on from a relationship break-up or asking for opinions on whether you really were a drama queen and was that the reason why your relationship broke up.I notice that you have posted at least a couple of times over the past few months since the break-up and you still don't feel that you're moving on. It may be time to consider talking through your feelings with a counsellor.As for the words "drama queen", "controlling" and "unsupportive". Having read your post and the events surrounding your break-up, it really sounds like those words should really be applied to HIM, not you. It really sounds that the only thing you did wrong was try too hard in the relationship with a guy who was clearly losing interest. He chose those words ("drama queen" and "unsupportive") as a way of criticising your behaviour whenever you had anything to say that made him uncomfortable.Do you really think you were/are a drama queen?
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