A
male
age
30-35,
*.A.S.
writes:Hey there Dear Cupid, its been a long time. The question I have to ask is one that has been on my mind the last few weeks (Since around Valentines day). My girlfriend and best friend of 7 years and I were split up in late December by her parents. We saw eachother until the middle of january, we reluctantly stopped being intimate because her parents found out and threatened to take away things that were important to her.We still kept in touch, she would ask for me to stay on the phone with her until she fell asleep...sweet things like that. We decided to see eachother one day and the day was great, we were a couple again for that day. She told me to call her next week, when I did she seemed really different and told me she couldnt hang out this week. So I called her again another week later this time I confronted her on possibly avoiding me.She told me she was uncomfortable with it because she was having to hold back feelings. I sympathized with her and told her I would be there for her, however she just sounded overall very angry over the phone even though in all truth I did absolutely nothing wrong!I told her goodbye over the phone, and I understood she was under alot of pressure with her family problems, person close to her dying and school and sports problems. I took a step back and decided to give her some space as that was what was suggested last time I posted here.Everything was going good, until I went to an irish pub with some friends, she had been snowboarding that day with her friend and wanted to go out, appearently when she found out I was at this pub she quickly ran to the beer store and bought a mickey of smirnoff and drank the majority of it before entering the bar/club. This all seemed out of character for her, and it seemed strange to me that out of all the Bars/Clubs in the Vancouver area she just happened to show up at mine.When she got in she immedietly made a B-Line towards me and gave me a big hug. She asked me how I was doing and I told her "fine". She hung around us but her friend who is a club promoter kept taking her away and giving her more alcohol to drink. I noticed alot of times my ex would be across the bar and would keep looking up at me from time to time. Everytime she was around me her friend would look at me and then quickly get my ex to come to the bar and take more shots to the point where at the end of the night she was almost off balance standing.My good friend came up to my at the end of the night saying my ex had texted him saying. "I need to talk to Alex, but theres to many people around". However nothing became of this. The one minute I actually got to talk to my ex she told me how she had a soccer tournament and I asked if I could come cheer her on and she told me she would defenitly send me the location but she never did. She asked me how my New Job was and my School (Im apprenticing in Carpentry) and when I told her I had finally made it and I was starting my life she got tears in her eyes and said "Congratulations".So far so good I assume? I was upset she never ended up sending me the soccer location. But I just kept her out of my mind. I've been trying to grow as a human and improve myself. I wasnt checking her facebook as much but after that night one of my friends who I somewhat trust came up to me asking me what the deal was between both of us.He told me she was saying we were done forever, and that she thinks im weird, and that when we were in a relationship she was scared because I had anger issues. I will say one thing honestly is that I do not have anger issues, the one time I was angry was when her ex was outside her house screaming about killing himself and I went out there and confronted him and afterwards I was still pumnped up but that was it. So in all honesty Dear Cupid Forum I was a great boyfriend we never fought.In my weak mental state I really took everything this friend (Who loves to stir the pot) was saying to be 100% the truth. I got upset and I took my ex and her best friend (Who was keeping tabs on me) off of facebook. My untrustworthy friend told me she messaged him saying "I noticed Alex took us off facebook?! Why?!"I told him to just tell her it was my way of getting some space and moving on. Which was the truth I couldnt deal with checking in on her every few days and seeing the way she was in pictures (More on that later).She replied to him with "Whatever works".Now everything has been going alright the past few weeks, although every night I dream of her at least once and wake up...but Im dealing with it. However a day before Valentines Day she messaged me on facebook.She told me she can still see my profile and that if I was trying to cut her out I might want to block her. She told me she didnt know what she did wrong and that she will continue to just "hide away at home" because it would be awkward for her to go out with OUR friends.Now this was before Valentines Day, does this mean anything? As far as I had known she was going out and clubbing after she yelled at me on the phone when I confronted her about avoiding me. She hasnt been with another guy but she was drinking quite a bit and she didnt want anything to do with OUR friends when they asked if she wanted to hang out. She just told them "Were still friends, Im just meeting new people at work and school", and that was that. So I felt it was pretty funny she told me she would hide at home. Not being one to be played I confronted her on that, and told her I know shes hanging out and not hiding at home. I also told her what I told her on the phone. I told her Im there for her if she needs someone or needs help with anything but that I need to do my own thing, I gave her an explenation on why I was taking a step back.She messaged me on Valentines day saying she hasnt gone out that much and then she told me she was just expecting an explenation from me instead of a "Delete from your life". So once again I told her its not a delete from her life I just need some space.No reply after that, she took down a FEW of our pictures on facebook, (I checked) but not all of them.With that LOOOONG story done I am now going to come to my question.Have I been wrong on how to handle this? I was looking through a few of her pictures on facebook and my friends have also been coming up to me concerned. She looks sad in the eyes, very tired and physically she looks exhausted. She smiles but it looks weary and fake. She kept me on xbox and I checked her profile and all shes actually been doing the past two weeks sinces valentines day is watching movies and playing video games...im not sure if shes even going to school anymore.So Dear Cupid is it time for me to step up and be a true man? Should I get a hold of her somehow and at least see what the deal is? I had made a note for her when we first broke up, it went over the 7e years we had together, the things I wish I had said to her but never had, in the end it was a note that also told her I would always be her friend and that she could always trust me like she always has....should I slip that in her mail box and wait?She does look sad, and shes obviously lonely...this is killing me what should I do?
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at work, best friend, broke up, clubbing, facebook, her ex, my ex, split up, text, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (27 February 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo worries I just wanted to clear up that I wasnt being a crazy stalker ex boyfriend haha!
So what should I expect from this possiblity that shes starting a new relationship so soon?
My friend told me she could have just ment that she was having a male friend and she has made it pretty well known that she wants to stay single to everyone...not to mention her best friend is suggesting it.
If she truely is getting into a relationship only a month and a half after last being with me what does that say about her? Is she just trying to fill the void or is she just a player?
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Sorry about the talking her to death comment, was just trying to make sure you weren't over burdening the girl with all these thoughts and feeling at once when you did get a chance to speak with her. It was pretty lengthy.
As for your second question, when a girl says she has been seeing someone it usually means they have just started dating but are not exclusive yet. It may turn into a relationship or it may not.
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A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (27 February 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the quick replies. I'm not sure how I talked her to death though as I did take a step back, and it was ALWAYS her that was initiating contact, just thought I should clear that up.I got an update, my friend today said that on Tuesday after Valentine's day (the day she sent me the whole message about wondering what she did wrong) that she was with her best friend, and their group of friends, as well as four other people. One guy was kind of leaning on her with his arm so my friend went over and introduced herself.My friend said the guy seemed like, well, a douchebag and that my ex wasn't touching him in any way but the guy was leaning on her and seemed really weird. He then texted her later asking what was up with that and she said "Hes a great guy I've been SEEING for the past week".So does this mean that shes ALREADY with someone else? I never understood what seeing meant. I hang out with alot of girls 1 on 1 and we're just friends but does this mean she's already moving onto another guy? Is she trying to fill a void or something?Seems strange she would say that when all she's been doing the past three weeks is sitting on xbox all day.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (26 February 2011):
 The ball is in her court. She has to stand up for what she wants in her life. The fact she's allowing her parents to control her life is wearing her down.
Don't let her blame you for her misery. Seems like all this drinking is just negative attention, very melodramatic and immature and honestly this drama is just side-tracking her from doing what needs to be done. This is about her needing to learn to stand up for herself and not be codependent with her parents.
So really the best thing you can do is listen, remind her you were good to her, but if it wears you down, just move on.
It's best to speak with her directly and not use friends that can manipulate your words.
Hope everything works out for the best.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (26 February 2011):
Dear B.A.S I suggest you send her a message or a note saying something like this...
Hey you know it was never my idea to break up in the first place. So if you've changed your mind for any reason, all you have to do is let me know. THE END....
This format is good because its simple and to the point without your having to admitt you're still in love with her or worried about how bad she looks lately.
If she does give you a second chance, I think I would avoid rehashing the whole relationship with her until she brings it up first.
I may be wrong but if the length of your question is any indication... you may have talked the poor girl to death a few to many times or appeared to be overly needy. Which is not attractive to any girl.
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