A
female
age
41-50,
*oobyloo
writes:hi, i'm new to this but need bit of advice. i'm 6 months pregnant and have split with my partner. he said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby but has since seemed to have changed his mind.i've had to move out and go live with my brother and his wife and have had to leave my job (i'm now living 80 miles away).my ex has been in touch with me constantly for the last 3 days wanting my forgiveness and saying he misses me and is scared he'll never see me again..although he doesn't want to get back together!! i've told him to stop ringing me and saying this as it doesn't make it any easier. i'm not even sure what i want anymore apart from the fact i feel used by him and confused by his behaviour.has anyone else been through anything similar? i just want whats best for everyone involved, especially my baby.
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female
reader, Twirly +, writes (10 May 2008):
 Hi There,
I really feel for you as I think your ex is being incredibly selfish and unfair bomnarding you like this, especially since you have asked him for some space following the first few texts from him.
He may be your baby's father but he abandoned you for 6 months, and also forced you to move out of your home.
I think you should follow you instincts on this one, and the advice of your close friends and family who know you and know about the situation.
Im so pleased you have people around you who love you and who are supporting you and Im pretty sure they won't be impressed by the way this man has treated you so far.
Okay, he's been on the phone this week but actions speak louder than words so he's going to have to do a hell of a lot of making up if he is to be trusted. The way things are now, you have no idea if he will abandon you again if you let him back into your life, I really can't see how he can excuse disappearing for 6 months and then trying to come back with a few texts, its an insult to you and the baby.
Reading between the lines it sounds like you still have feelings for him, which is totally understandable, however I also sense a strength in you as well, which 6 months of having to cope with being pregnant by yourself.
I think you deserve better than this guy, I really do.
See if he respects your wishes and leaves you alone for a while like you have asked. If he can't manage this then it will speak volumes about whose wellbeing is most important to him, ie his!
He left you for 6 months Sweetie, you can accept his apologies and appreciate him getting in touch but Id find that awfully hard to forget.
Loads of luck with everything, you sound like a fantastic lady, Im sure you're going to be absolutely fine and I hope you meet a lovely bloke in the futyre who will make you forget about this creep once and for all! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): i understand totally. i to broke up with my boyfriend while im pregnant. he told me he is with someone else and that really hurt me especially when im carrying his child...we've been split up for 5 months now and every day hurts me. my ex partner has made it clear that he dos'nt want to be with me. so i just take one day at a time, some days are harder than others. do what ever your heart feels to do. if he is sorry give him another chance, but if its the case of him wanted to see the baby then you have to think about the baby as well as yourself. dont let him back in your life untill you know he has changed and he aint gonna hurt you agan...ps i wish my partner wanted me back..i still love him alot....one thing stay strong for you and your baby
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A
female
reader, loobyloo +, writes (23 April 2008):
loobyloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks tisha, its good to know that i'm doing the right thing. i feel reassured and much better knowing i've not done anything wrong.
i've got loads of support from all my family and friends and although i'll have my wobbles i'm sure i can cope now with whatever happens x x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi loobyloo, I'm sorry to read of your situation, but I have to say that you sound like you have your priorities in the right order. You sound sensible and strong, and I think you will be just fine. Give him what support you can, but I think he is going to have to deal with whatever issues he's facing on his own. You've certainly given him his wake-up call!
Make sure that you have lots of support from your family and friends, and get the financial support he's obliged to give you for the baby.
So yes, I think you're doing the right thing in leaving him to it.
Take good care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 No doubt your main concern is your baby and yourself but
sometimes you need to share what you are going through with somebody.
Just give him some space and maybe you need to spell out to him what you expect from him.
That way he knows what is expected from him.
Rather than letting him grope in the dark..
He is young and prone to mistakes...
Look at him in a rational way and do not let any anger blind you .
He is not perfect but he is slowly learning the ropes.
Give him the chance.
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A
female
reader, loobyloo +, writes (23 April 2008):
loobyloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi again, more updates.he's just phoned me again and has admitted he has made a mistake and regrets what happened.he still loves me and wants to talk to me all the time. has admitted he is confused and also scared about the baby. he says things have gone too far to be repaired( basically it would mean him addressing his issues and dealing with stuff). he also thinks that i won't move on whilst i know he still loves me...WRONG! although my main concern now is myself and my baby. i don't know if he'll try or not but as far as i'm concerned now i've done all i can (made it clear that things can work out if he tries) and i'm just gonna leave him to it. it scares me to do that and i hope i'm doing the right thing. it'd be good to hear from others if you think i'm doing the right thing? x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (22 April 2008):
When you broke up with him, he could have said it out of anger and not his real feelings.
He could be confused and disorientated after the break up.
Maybe , he came to realize that he was wrong and wanted to correct the situation .
I don't think he is playing games.He is abit inmature and inexperience and he did not know how to handle you and the baby.
You should forgive him and try to understand that he is still young and make mistakes sometimes.
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A
female
reader, loobyloo +, writes (22 April 2008):
loobyloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all, thank you for comments yesterday but now i'm even more confused!! asked ex yesterday to stop contacting me all the time and to let me deal with things, as he didn't want to get back together.l i've just recieved a text from him saying that he loves me and he always will.i've not contacted him at all since the split..he's been the one texting and phoning all the time.
i don't understand it as he claimed when we split that he didn't love me anymore! can anyone understand blokes minds?? i don't know if he's playing mind games or what. help! x
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A
female
reader, loobyloo +, writes (21 April 2008):
loobyloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all your comments..i am willing to let him be a part of the babies life.baby deserves to know his/her father.i don't know if he's trying to get back with me (those are my insticts too), but he is confusing me with all the phone calls. i just feel like i am in limbo with it all and he does have a track record of changing his mind frequently so i don't feel i could trust him anyway. i think i'm just going to ignore him for a few days and work out how i feel. He has asked if he can be there when i am in labour so he can see his child being born and hold my hand!! i don't know how i feel about that. x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Yes, I certainly do agree with everyone else, I'm almost sure that he loves you a lot and realized his mistake and just wants to make up for it. Give him another chance, if not for you do it for your child to be. And if it doesn't work out then you'll know that you gave it a try unlike my mother, I don't know my father at all, I was told he was dead but now im finding out he's not dead and is happily married with a family. I would of liked to know my father growing up that caused a lot of problems in my life. So give the baby the chance it deserves. I know you're pregnant and stuff, trust me I know where you're coming from, every woman gets all moody and emotional, but believe it or not when a guy finds out his partner is pregnant, he's terrified because guys just don't know what to expect, change is scary. Give him a try my love for both you and the baby. : )
I hope this helps! Xoxoxoxoxo
Mrs..C2b
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 April 2008):
He is trying to get back with you and you should not throw any road blocks in his path.
Give him more time as Rome was not build in a day.
He may have realized his mistakes and trying to make amends with you.
A friend is better than an enemy.
Though he may not want to get back together with you yet,
it could be due to his confused and disoriented state.
If you want the best for your baby , then you need to accept him and make peace with him.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (21 April 2008):
 My babys dad left when i was pregnant and wants to know now, But as he has mist so much of her life i feel it's not right to bring him back in to her life.
I think he was scared when he found out and first thing that came in to his head was run, But now he has realised thats it was wrong of him to do that he wants to know again. I think you should give him another chance and see how it goes but it's up to you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (21 April 2008):
 He's probably as confused as you are. Obviously (or, at least, I hope it's obvious) it would be best for your baby to have both parents together - BUT not if the only way to achieve that is in an unstable relationship that really doesn't work.
Your baby is, most of all, yours, and you need to do what is right for YOU as well as right for the baby - but you need to remember that the father will probably be experiencing all sorts of conflicting emotions too, which may well be just as difficult for him as it is for you.
Also, you need to remember that at six months pregnant you may not be thinking as clearly as you ought to be (I've been there - hormones all over the place!!!!!). I would suggest that at the very least you need to talk to your (ex) partner face to face - maybe with someone else you trust there too - AND, preferably before that, you need to have a long talk with a relative of yours who you can trust to give you unbiased advice.
You do need to remember that your partner, ex- or otherwise, is and always will be the father of your baby. Even if the decision is that you could not and should not be together, he will still be the father. It would be far better to straighten out everything that can be straightened out NOW, rather than have problems later.
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