A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I was wondering if I could get some advice on sex in a relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for 5 months. But we haven't even talked about sex yet. And every time I want to talk about it I try being subtle in my use of words. And then she changes the subject. I admit I'm not great at starting a conversation on this topic. Most of my friends already have sex in the first month of their relationship, so I feel kind of left out. I'm also still a virgin, but since I haven't been able to talk about it I don't even know if my girlfriend still is. I am a man and I do have needs, so I do masturbate a few times a week. But she doesn't know that of course. I don't know what to do anymore, do I keep waiting till she brings it up on her own? Or when the moment comes, I'll know? Please help
View related questions:
still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 thank you for restoring my faith. Finding that there are still really nice smart people who slowly build a relationship, before they even consider sex is so refreshing. Stop comparing you with your friends. What they do is irrelevant. I'know guys discuss sex sex sex. But it's disrespectful to discus with them what you and your gf do or do not do.
Masturbation is fine. Keep doing it. There is no problem with that.
As far as going further? You should wait until she is comfortable. When you are kissing you will feel her body relax and yield into you and want to be closer each time. It will evolve eventually, if you take it slowly.
Keep noticing her. Keep showing you notice when she looks great, her hair, her perfume, her clothes, her nails etc. Let her know you like her, a lot.
As far as conversation: it sounds like you need to add in some more interesting activities at home. Get a Wii and play the sports together. I think the Wii is more fun for 2 people than NintendO, Though you can play the puzzles together on that too.
I do not recommend buying her sexy lingerie as i think that has tacky undertones and is too pushy.
DO include some more interesting quirky dates. Mix things up. Take her to the Zoo and have lunch together there. Get second hand bicyles and take up cyling in the country together. Hire a secluded holiday cabin by a lake and take breakfast and the evening meal up with you. Learn a skill together like glass blowing. Organise a holiday together to somewhere different. Read a book she loves and then get her to read a book you love. Then discuss. Do some things together like join a cooking class together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, your advice is great! :)
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (3 December 2010):
A word of advice; don't convince yourself you want to have sex because your friends have all had sex. That will only lead to a bad relationship on your part. This is something you have to feel out with the other person; make sure they are comfortable with the decision.
If she changes the subject, she just isn't ready. Or perhaps she gets worried you expect sex because you want to bring it up. If you talk again, explain to her that you just want to talk about it and get a feel for her time frame. If she says she just doesn't know or it doesn't feel right yet, leave it at that and just enjoy your relationship together :)
Trust me, as amazing as sex is, it only complicates things faster. Just have fun for now :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Have you done other sex stuff? Hand jobs, blow jobs etc. Does she let you do those things to her?
I had a girl like that before didn't like talking about sex or anything like that, so I just led into the situation without talking about it. You see my girl was willing, just nervous and talking about it made her nervous and even feel a bit pressured. So what I did was just slowly get more and more intimate over time. From kissing and cuddling to putting my hand places. To eventually taking her pants off an pleasuring her, to full blown sex after a few weeks.
My girl just needed it taken slowly bit by bit she became more comfortable with going that little bit further.
I have to say though she wasn't afraid of being intimate with me, because I never put that much importance on full sex. You have to take it every slow and slowly introduce these things to her. Don't be in such a rush for sex, who cares if other people are having it, it's not a competition. Seriously start fooling around and take your time let her get comfortable with these things. Stop trying to rush things or feel you're missing out, just make things spontaneous and unspoken. Let it happen naturally. If she won't even let you touch her down there and she won't tell you why then you're in trouble but enough talking anyway.
An important point though, don't be forceful or too persistent if she pulls your hand away when you try to touch her then don't keep trying, respect her wishes. Wait until next time you're alone toegther and try again then. If it keeps happening ask her why? But stop trying to talk about sex. Take small steps first. If you already do all these things then that should enough for you until she's ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, PsILoveYou  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 She probably feels that she isn't ready for sex yet..Take your time and don't rush it :) Chillax man, you got your whole life left for sex :P
...............................
|
