A
male
age
,
*john
writes:My 41 year old girlfriend wants me to arrange her affair with another person .She wants me to hide my relationship with herI am 60.Separated. I have a college going son.(Late marriage)For the past 3/4 years , I have a rather intimate relationship with a 41 year old widow working in my office.Her husband died in 1998.Has a 15 year old son.I had some financial difficulties during the last 18 months or so and consequently we had no work and we did not have any sexual contact during that time. By Dec 2010, my finances improved and we started working from a new place. At this place she developed contacts with a person , who is in charge of a shop nearby.He is 42, married and has 2 sons.I was planning to live with her under one roof once I stabilise financially. Though we didnt marry,I consider her my wife and never take any decision without consulting her and she also is honest and trustworthy. In fact, once she wanted to move with her son to my place which idea I wanted to postpone.She continues to be sincere and trustworthy, but for this development.She considers me more like a father figure than her boyfriend or paramour. She will confide everything to me which she may not do with her friends.During the early stages of my relationship with her I asked her on more than one occasion whether she will be interested in remarriage with a suitable guy and she flatly refused.Now she is firmly in my mind as my wife and I too thought she considers me as her husband.However, she came to me on New Year day(2011) with the proposal of marrying this person.She wanted my assistance!.I was shell shocked.She has developed strong liking for this person that she has decided to marry him without knowing anything about his background. She assured me that she will continue to maintain the same relations with me and does not want to lose me at any cost.Her new boyfriend doesnt know that she has a relationship with me and she wants to continue the relationship without his knowledge. By the last week of Jan, she has understood that it will be impossible to proceed further because it will affect her family ties, her relationship with her son and other family members.She came back to me apologizing and reported for duty.I have whole heartedly accepted her back. But at the same time I understood for the first time that her love for me is not to be confused as one for a lover. We continued to have sex many time during the last month or so.At times she may be mechanical and sometimes very involved.Sexually I am active and can have sex atleast twice a week.Meantime the person whom she proposed to marry left the place by Feb 1st because she has conveyed her inability to marry. Also, she defied his suggestion that she should not come to my office.They didnt have any contact for the past 2 months.However my girlfriend continues to express her love for the person to me whenever an opportunity she gets. However, she is now clear that given her family situation, it is not possible for her to start a new family.During this 2 months period , I understood her better. Though she loves me and likes me, her true love lies with the other person.Also, during this period I find my love for her grew stronger inspite of all these and I proposed to her the idea of having an intimate relationship with her ex-lover without getting married.First she was lukewarm to the idea and once she finds me serious she is willing and eager.I have taken upon myself the responsibility of setting up this.Last week,I established contact with this man and wanted him to come and meet my girl friend .Incidentally, till now he is not sure of my relationship with my GF. He is a very possessive fellow and wont like to share her with anyone. My gf wants me to continue to hide my relationship with her from her lover, as otherwise she will once again lose him. As far as I am concerned I sincerely wants my gf to have a relationship with the person she loves most.At the same time I want to inform and convince the man of my relationship she has with me.Kindly guide me how to and when to inform this guy of the relationship between us so that he should continue the relationship with my gf. The meeting may take place shortly.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Do you really think that low of yourself that you are willing to share some woman with another man? When you know deep down that it is him that she loves and wants to be with and that you will always be second best. Seriously what is this doing to your self confidence? I dont understand why anybody would settle for second best let alone let there girlfriend sleep with a man that she loves. She doesnt sound to trust worthy to me because she was going to marry this man and continue having an affair with you behind his back. I am sorry but this is not normal behaviour. I actually think that you would be better off alone and have her out of your life. At 60 you should know better. You are only going to get hurt.
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