A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 40 years old and have never had sex. I'm afraid of doing it because I've heard so many women say how painful it is the first time around. I want to enjoy it as much as my fiancee does but the fear is of the pain. I've had to ask my gynecologist to use the smallest speculum only cause when she uses the adult size, it hurts. I've asked her if there's anything I can do to alleviate the pain but she said to just relax and it'll be okay. There must be more to that than just relaxing, right? I've heard so many women say that it took them months and months to finally feel good. Is that true? I also heard that the older you are the more painful it gets.I've been told to try using a cucumber or vibrator but I don't want to do that. I want to experience my first time with my fiancee. My fiancee says that the first time around is goign to be very uncomfortable and he says he'll be very gentle and considerate of me until I feel much more comfortable. Please help. I'm so embarrassed by this. Thank you for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): If you have vaginismus you may need to see a physical therapist and use dilators and tranquilizers. Give your fiance instructions on what to do and what not to do. Make sure he goes very slowly and stops if you are in too much pain. First intercourse doesn't have to happen all in one session, just do other things to get yourself really excited and very wet before you attempt intercourse and let it happen naturally. Try drinking some wine also to help you relax. You have to get him in you at the right angle for you also, so try different positions.
I'm concerned that your fiance is predicting that this is going to be "very" uncomfortable, because if you do it carefully and take it slowly it shouldn't be that uncomfortable. Many women have little or no pain with first intercourse. It varies with vaginal and penis size and various other things. If you are peri-menopausal you may have less lubrication, but you can use lube.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Everyone,
Thank you so much for your advice. I will certainly take it with me and in consideration before we go and consummate our marriage. I think, as most of you all said, it's all in the mind. I guess sometimes, for me, I think way too much and over imagine what might be. I realize that no matter what, there will be pain, but that's to be expected. After, it's all good. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the great advice!
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A
female
reader, Weird_Chick +, writes (17 December 2010):
 i dont know about the whole "it hurts more with age" thing, but im 15 and lost my virginity when i was 14 and yes, it does hurt but when my fiance did it he just did a little at a time and took it out and then a little more and took it out until it wasnt painful, but for me the pain only lasted a few minutes. but everytime we would have sex after that, it would always hurt when he first went in but only for the first minute or two. You shouldnt be so scared, dont freak yourself out about it, its not that bad at all. it will hurt but just keep thinking it will be over in a few minutes. you should try it. have fun :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Don't scare your self to death. Yes it will hurt a little but not as you imagine if your fiance is skilled, and if you go out for a nice evening and have afew drinks and then use plenty of forplay so that you are aroused and wet and relaxed then the pain will be minimum. Mind you first time is difficult even to the most skilled lover and penetration might not happen the first time and might take afew trys before success.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Typo correction...it "wouldn't" go in (if it wasn't near the vagina opening) and that would be cool....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): ~HUNH????~
Why would it be less painful for the woman to sit on the penis?....OMG??? That seems like it would really hurt...sure if the woman straddles the man and the penis is not anywhere near her vagina opening it would go in so that's cool...but sitting on it ???? I can't imagine it would feel good...??? What does it feel like?
~CONFUSED~
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Can it hurt? Yes. Does it take a long time for some women to start enjoying intercourse? Yes. Are the two related? No.
Simple reason why some women say it took them a long time to enjoy it was that the guys they were doing it with just didn't do it right.
For women the rules of sex are simple. The vagina must be aroused a process that involves more blood then the erection of the penis. The muscle relaxes, the tissue swells up, the vagina becomes longer/deeper, lubrication happens.
All this makes the vagina ready to be penetrated. If you are not ready, not relaxed, not in the mood, then the thightness might be to great, the depth not deep enough (penis hitting the end is apparently not comfortable) and worsed of all, the lubrication not enough.
Lube can be bought in the shop. Relaxing and getting aroused is harder.
But if nerves are hurting the mood, then go on top. That way you are the one who determines speed and depth and can keep it where it is comfortable. The vagina is most sensitive at the entrance anyway.
Hopefully your lover should not be a horny teen intrested only in his own pleasure and know that women go at a different speeds and have different needs.
Take it slow and don't put a deadline on it. Let it happen as nature intended. Billions have gone before.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): ~WELL~I will try to help you if I can...but...I don't know if your situation is as mine...I have vaginismus and thick hymen...and...the first time I tried it was excruciating for me...ripping...bleeding...and...and that was with 2.5 inches being forced into me as I lost it trying to make the individual stop but the individual wouldn't..So that memory has left me with phenomenal fear...I have to get put to sleep for pap smears and the ob/gyn doesn't use that silver duck lips looking instrument...I don't use tampons, because it hurts to try to push it in.I have the dilitator set but I don't use it.The thing is my body craves penetration...when I think about it in my head...I get so wet and horny and it this weird feeling happens around the entrance area of my vagina like a really strangling suction and then I squirt...I am also ashamed that at my age this has been it with penetration...It makes me feel pathetic...like I'm not a complete woman...I don't know if you have vaginismus or thick hymen, but hopefully you don't.I wish the best for you.
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