A
male
 ,
*adbrit
writes:I have split with my gf and mother of my baby after 4 years together. Her feelings have changed/gone, she wanted something else, doesnt want me even though life together was stable, financially viable, easier, loving, affectionate etc she just cant help how she feels. She tried staying under same roof but broken up for a week but then She moved out apparently permanently cos she needed to get benefits sorted, couldnt be with me, it was wrong had to move on etc so went to her mums with the baby.A week later she was back, despite me saying no, as it will take time to find somewhere else to live and it is easier at home, better for the baby etc.She has confirmed and i have heard via others that she is looking like mad for somewhere else to live and it confirms that she has mentally moved on, we are over, no going back, this is the path she has chosen and she basically does not want it at anymore etc.My question is, do i just say fine and treat her like a housemate/lodger till she goes or do i say, carry on looking for somewhere, sign up, take benefits, live your life etc BUT there is totally nothing to lose if we went to councilling even though you are adamant it is over. You may get a surprise, you may find that what you thought wasnt, what felt so bad wasnt, that maybe there is the basis to work on things, maybe things are being held in due to other problems and our relationships problems seemed much worse due to new baby etc. A third party may either make you even happier with your decision or make you see and feel things that even you didnt know?I am not saying do it to reconcile, just if we could, it would be better even if it currently doesnt feel that way. Carry on doing what you are doing and moving on, this wont stop you doing that but we do have some time left under same roof, just do this little thing to make 100% sure so you will definitely be happier down the road either way - one way you move on clear conscience and so do i and we remain friends for our sons sake, or the other way what is about 5 per cent likely, we may be able to repair things, go on to be stronger than ever because that love may come back if it ended up dealing with what pushed it down in first place and you will not face the difficult road of a single mum and associated problems
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (1 September 2006):
 Listen hun, What do you want us all to tell you ? I see you have posted the more or less same question over and over, and we obviously havent given you the answers that you want.. im sorry hun, but i really dont know what to advise to you as it seems your still not going to like the response we give you... Yos was bang on with his post to you a few weeks ago and now it seems you just want to go around in a circle and its not doing you any good. I think you need some counselling for you to try and understand the sence in all of this and to clearly see the correct road to take. I cant really be of any more help than that as others have given advice and you dont like to hear it, are you looking for us all to say yeah get back with her, do all those things its all going to be great again just you see ? Honey we cant tell you that as we dont know that... its clear you want to be with her, but the question is, does she want to be with you ? I dont think she really does.. shes in a place at the mo that means shes needs you... you like that part... makes you feel wanted.. I think she has fallen out of love with you though and sees you more as a companion.. and someone to support her in times of need... you need to let her move on i think, but i know thats not what you want to hear, which is why i suggest counselling yeah we all say get to the counsellors, but it does sound to me like you need to talk this through with someone else face to face and maybe you will see where you need to be headed.
Take care xx
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