A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my little girls dad for 4 years now. Our baby is 11 months old and I have a little boy that is 7, from a previous relationship. My boyfriend constantly looks at porn and pictures of naked girls. He even looks at girls when we go somewhere. We arent intimate as usual and things are always tense in the house. He is always treating my son like crap. He made a stupid rule about not touching the walls. If my little boy touches the wall he makes him clean it. Its ridiculous, so I dont allow my son to clean the wall. It makes me want to take a dirty diaper and smear it all over the wall and say here, now you can complain about something real. I just cant stand it anymore. I always say Im leaving but I never do because we occasionally get along and when we are it makes all the bad crap go away but it doesnt last for long. What do I do? Would it be better for me and my kids to stay or to go? I worry how I will make it financially, I know it will be very hard but Im not so sure I can stand staying with him any longer.
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male
reader, unabletofly  +, writes (23 February 2011):
Dear Friend,The thing you talked about is unacceptable! He making terror to your little son.You may fight over for his porn problem, but he can even hurt your children.If you afraid because of financial problems and let him damage ur family this looks really awful.Be powerful, a find way to finance ur life then kick his ass.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I hope you won't bite my head off if I start with an aside and I say that the rule about walls does not sound stupid to me, I think it's very reasonable, walls messed up with dirty handprints are unsightly and repainting all the time is bothersome and expensive .
I get though that it's not really about the walls, which are probably the tip of the iceberg, maybe you are unhappy with the way he wants to discipline your child , or his parenting style in general, or maybe you have noticed a difference between how he treats your son and how he treats his daughter. Beside the kids, it seems that there are other issues ,from porn to lack of intimacy to a constant state of tension. Only you can decide if you two can talk about all that and commit to work on these issues , and only you can decide if you still love him enough to try and save this relationship. But in general, it 's not sensible to get stuck into a situation that most of the times makes you tense and miserable, for the sake of a few special good moments that very occasonally make you happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): OF COURSE you should leave him, are you nuts?? Why are you even asking this question?He treats your son like crap. He treats you like crap. what more is there to say??this part you wrote disturbs me: "I always say Im leaving but I never do because we occasionally get along and when we are it makes all the bad crap go away but it doesnt last for long."So in other words, let's say that 5 out of 7 days a week you hate him cos he treats your son like crap and he disrespects you by looking at other women and things are tense at home. But the other 2 days a week you get along and that's enough for you excuse him treating your son like crap and treating you like crap?? Sheesh, your self esteem must be really low if it takes so little to keep you pacified. How can you stand to let your son be treated this way?? Please grow a backbone and leave this asshole, for your son's sake and for your little girls sake or she will grow up to expect and encourage men to treat her the way her father treats you too, because as her mom YOU are her most significant female role model. do you think that once your kids grow up and understand adult relationships they will respect you for compromising your self dignity AND allowing them (or least your son) to be treated like crap? They will hate you. They will ask you why didn't you take them away from this jerk?Please don't stay with your husband just because of financial worries. There is always a way. Get help from friends, family, see a counselor or financial advisor. whatever. It's possible but you need to get up off your butt and do something not just stay passively out of fear and using the occasional OK-moments in the relationship as justification for continuing to do nothing for yourself and your kids.If a woman has sex with a man for money, she's a prostitute. Staying with a man just for money, isn't that not so different??Sorry to be harsh but I call it as I see it.
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