A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello cupidshow does one stop themselves from being so obsessed and jealous about their new boyfriend. I've only been with him 3 months and I'm jealous of him even hugging a cat! I'm not joking either.I also get really jealous when he looks at another girl, and when we go out I feel miserable cos I constantly check to see if he is eyeing up a good looking woman. If I see a pretty girl walking in the room, it makes my heart sink and I am actually thinking that I wish they'd go away cos my boyfriend may look at them. If he does, it just ruins my evening out.I can't cope. I am constantly thinking of these thoughts and making myself angry and depressed.I also analyse his behaviour on an evening after work, to see if he is hugging me as much. If he doesn't kiss me or hug me as hard as normal, I am in bits thinking he is definately going off me.At this point I try and get him to have sex with me, and then it bugs me if he hasn't got a lot of pre-cum like normal, cos I'm thinking he's not really turned on.Please please help, I'm driving myself to the brink trying to switch off and nothing I do is helping.Anyone got any experience on feeling like this as that would certainly help to make me feel as if I'm not alone.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 June 2010):
 I think this is taking over your life. You need to see your GP and ask for a referral to a cognitive behavioural therapist. Your jealousy is founded on low self esteem and lack of confidence. You need some professional assistance to learn how to deal with these issues as it puts you at risk of developing mood disorders such as depression and chronic anxiety. You don't want to go through your adult life with this burden and it can be addressed if you learn to understand why you are acting this way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Hello,
Try and rectify this asap. You don't want to make him feel smothered. That's one of the worst feelings in a relationship.
If you have feelings for him look to yourself, and your past experiences throughout your life to decipher why you're behaving this way.
I'm certain we've all experienced some form of jealousy in our lives, but this is an unhealthy kind.
Good luck
;D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Yeah a lot of us have felt like that and it all comes down to insecurity. The only thing you can really do is try and deal with your own insecurity.
This kind of jealousy can quickly become overbearing, you need to learn to have confidence in yourself and love who you are otherwise you might end up smothering him and the thing you're so paranoid about is more likely to happen.
Stop looking for little signs and things like that, they don't exist but your mind will find things and turn them into signs as it is already. Start learning to distract your mind from these things, if you start to worry about a pretty girl in your presence look for things on that girl that make her ugly, I know that doesn't really sound like a nice way to do things but it worked for me.
Stop analyzing things, really keep your mind occupied with other things, if you start to think about stuff in a negative paranoid way look for the positives instead, look for the small things that are good and make a big deal out of those in your mind after a while you can condition your mind to make that habit.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 June 2010):
How well did you know your father, and how did he treat your mother? Or were you bullied?
Usually, this behaviour is learned. So if there is something in your past that has left your hurt badly, or if your father has mistreated your or your mother or just been distant, perhaps that's the problem.
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