A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guysI just want some advice as to what is right.i've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years.She was studying in the USA at my uni and we grew very close and decided to start dating just as she went home again, in the hope she would return.it didn't happen that way and i've been visiting her instead in south korea.I've visited her twice before and will visit her again in 3 days!The problem is this. When we are apart, she always talks about how much she wants to have sex when we are together, and then when we are together she doesn't want it. It has never happened in the 3 years we have been together.once again this time she said she really wanted to have sex only to change her mind today, 3 days before i will go there. it's not so much the not having sex that bothers me, its the fact she always makes me feels like its possible only to then change her mind. I've never pressured her into it and if anything when we are far apart she is the one who always mentions it in conversations.Is it acceptable for me to consider this a huge problem? i want our relationship to grow and this situation always makes me feel worthless every time she says she doesn't want it. I don't want to tell her that it upsets me as i don't want to see like a jerk who is only after one thing. what should i do? It is really starting to damage my self esteem.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 February 2015):
It's not you, she's got her own reasons. Maybe she's self conscious? Who knows, but it's almost certainly get own problem. Instead of feeling hurry, why don't you ask her to be honest and talk about it?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2015):
 Go visit her and regard it as a fond farewell.
A LDR is not supposed to drag out, the GOAL of an LDR is to make the LDR into a relationship with two people BEING together in the SAME geographical location.
Right now, I see nothing abut plans to move either place, just to chat with each other, and the occasional visit.
She doesn't WANT sex. She wants the FANTASY of sex. Just like she doesn't WANT a relationship, but the FANTASY/IDEA of one with you.
Do you see a future with her? Be honest?
Because what is the point in "trying" to grow this pen-pal situation if there are NO plans of actually making it a "real" working relationship?
Honestly, I think you are wasting your time being her fantasy BF. Sex won't change the relationship. It won't make it grow. What "could" make it grow is making REALISTIC plans to BE together.
I'd say go visit and take it as a vacation visiting a friend. And then.. Afterwards, end it as "bf/gf" and find someone who is IN your geographical location so you CAN have a relationship that involved physical intimacy, not just "sexting" or chatting about sex.
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