A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hisorry.. this is abit of a long one! I have 3 problems.. money worries, my non-commital boyfriend and my family who never visit or consider me!I live in a small house with my 17 yr old son and am finding life very hard! I came out of a long abusive marriage 5 years ago and have got over it as best i can, with help from my bf who i've been seeing for the past 15 months.However great he is to talk to, he's a comitment phobe though and has no plans to move in with me even though i'm facing money problems which could lead to me being in debt within 3 months. this is due to my son now working and extra help i received financially has now stopped. This is quite liberating in itself but financially worrying. (i'm not expecting my bf to bail me out as i'm independent and never ask anything of him).My bf suggested i take on a lodger to help out financially as i have a small single room available, which currently houses his drum kit! I suggested he might move in with me as my 'lodger' but he doesn't want to as my house would be too small for 3 of us.He lives with his parents in a tiny room since leaving his ex gf two years ago.My job is low paid because my priority was always to be around for my children whilst they were growing up. But now i feel everyone is earning well and getting on except me!I'm considering moving back in with my parents and either renting out my house or selling it to buy a business, such as a guest house as i live in a holiday area on the south coast of england.My next problem is that I feel so alone in life, no one visits me except my bf. I dont really have any friends. My family NEVER come round to see if i'm ok even though they live 1 mile down the road, I always call on them. My dad has even driven past my house and then commented on what he'd seen in my front garden!It was my mum's birthday this week and a while back i discussed a suprise outing for her with one of my two sisters, next thing i was being TOLD that my two sisters had bought cheap groupon tickets to take our mum and dad for tea at a hotel and look around a museum/house. My one sister bought enough tickets for herself, her daughter and our mum and dad, my other sister bought tickets for herself and her two grown up children and had one left over for me! but i was told i couldn't bring any of my grown up children as there wasnt enough tickets! I felt upset because i hadnt been given the opportunity to buy tickets for my family or even asked if i thought it was a good idea for mum's birthday! I felt so left out and insignificant! In the end i text my one sister confirming the date she planned and told her i would be bringing my daughter (who is 8 mnths pregnant) with me but added i would pay for her. My two sisters always leave me out and plan shopping days together. no one pops round to see me or helps me out with jobs around my house unless i specifically ask, my bf doesnt even wash up when he comes round! He often lets me down too with suggestions or promises which never happen!A month ago my ex hubby came round abusively shouting at me on my doorstep to the point where i had to call the police (that's now sorted) I spent a night on my parents sofa too scared to go home in case he turned up again. a couple of days later (probably out of stress with my ex hubby's visit and nasty texts from him!) i felt some stomach pains and actually fainted, knocking my head against a wall and ended up in hospital being checked up! it made me realise how alone i was that no one is there for me if i'm ill!sorry its soo long. I'm scared to let my bf go because i'll be even more alone, and my family too! We seem such a close family on the outside but its not really.. unless your one of the favourites! I guess i want to be successful in my own right and financially independent, but i dont know how to go about it! any thoughts appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 If your son is living with you well then he should be helping you out, get him motivated have him out looking for work. He needs to make a living for himself. So get him out looking for work so he can help you with the bills. This will take a little stress of you. Why not advertise your smaller room to see if you can get a lodger in, do interviews and who knows you may get someone in who is great company for you.
As for company. Why not look in to joining some groups that don't cost that much. Take up some hobbies, it would be amazing who you could meet there who could become friends.
As for your boyfriend. He has made it clear he is not going to commit to you. So if you are happy with this then fair enough, but I don't think you are and in my eyes you are wasting your time. You cannot just keep him around for company because he can tell you are vulnerable and you are only going to end up more miserable wasting your time on him.
As for your family, you need to talk to them all individually and tell them how you are feeling. Go around each and everyone off them and tell them how low and left out you are feeling, my guess is that they don't even realise you feel this way. Communicate with them and ask them to make more of an effort to have a good relationship with you.
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