A
female
age
41-50,
*ama11
writes:I need advice... I got married 3 months ago to a guy I thought loved me. I have never been so wrong. It sounds completely stupid, and judging by the other emails on this site I have no reason to be complaining.... But I am the original football widow. He keeps disappearing, or watching the footie on the telly - he completely ignores his baby son, he has no time for me. I can't remember the last compliment he paid me and this weekend, even though it's Easter, he's chosen to go to Leeds for the weekend with his group of single mates. I have a part time job, but I struggle for cash and feel I can't ask him for some. He pays nothing towards to his son- I had no money last week and baby needed the doctor. He wont 1700 over the weekend on bets- and banked it! Wouldn't give me the fifty quid I needed for the meds. The latest is, he's fallen out spectacularly with my 18 year old brother who used to really look up to him- over football. Making life difficult for me with my family.I don't know how to get through to him, I don't know what to do. I don't think I can live like this- my son loves his dada,and I care about him too. But this is getting ridiculous. The only text he's sent me since he left was to find out the score of the Norwich game tonight! Honestly. We don't have sex anymore, do you think he's cheating? Or is he even interested in me and our son?? What the hell do I do?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 April 2010):
 sorry.. relate, is the marriage guidance counsellors
http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Communicate all your needs to him and if he does not care, you should plan to leave this marriage.It can only get worse .
Tell those things you think is not right about him directly and do not give hints to him.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 April 2010):
I'm British.. I can totally understand your suffering.. that's why I've always refused to date a man who is in love with football. I find it a terrible addiction, and in mind much worse than pornography. If the guy isn't watching football, then he's talking about football, all his money goes on football, and yes, sex drive goes down. I think they spend all their energy shouting at the stupid matches...
And what's worse, the bloody football is always on. They never seem to stop.... ahahahaha... went on holiday, the whole of the island was shut, because of the stupid world cup... go to exams, it's supposed to be silent.. but no.. they got to put up the bloody football score... can't talk to my friend, her phone is off, arsenal are playing...
Opps.. sorry, this is about you, not me.. :)
As I said, I believe football fanatics have a true addiction just as bad as any compulsive addict. You could try to talk to his men friends, tell them that he's neglecting his son and you don't have enough money for medicine. The men friends will talk to him and remind him that wife and kids come first...
But if his friends are just as bad, they really won't understand. Try to meet with their wives, they will be football widows too and they can tell you what to do.
You could leave him and go home to your parents, that might just force him to wake up and realise how addicted he is. Unfortunately I've heard cases where even if the wives leave with the kids the guy still chooses his precious football thing.
Contact relate, book an appointment and tell him he must come or your marriage is probably over. No sex, no money, this is an addiction gone way to far and he desperately needs a counsellors help.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 I think that you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Let him know how you feel about all this arguing and shorting your child on the attention and medical care that he needs. It's possible that you may not be able to get through to him, though, so you need to make a plan for living your life on your own.
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