A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really love my mom, but I'm having a problem with my mom and don't know how to deal with it. I've decided that I want to go study in Spain this year, in the fall. I've discussed my plans with my mother, but she is "freaking out." You may have the impresion that I'm a kid, I know, but let me clarify:I'm 29 years old and worked my way through college, and I'm a Spanish teacher, but I am going to language school over there, to get certified to teach EFL (English as a Foreign Language). trinity College (in London) runs the place. Before I made the decision I did loads of research, and I feel confident that I know what I'm doing. After I finish my course, which lasts a month, I would like to go and visit Andalucia (the part of Spain that I've always been obsessed with), see the old churches, the horses, etc. I've wanted to go to Spain since I was 18 months old, and started researching about the same age. :)My mom is just a tad overprotective. I know in my heart that I deserve to go (I've sacrificed everything to be able to go) and going to Spain is my dream... and I've given so much to make it come true and I've faced obstacles that would have caused any sane person to give up. I speak perfect Spanish (I hear this from native speakers), I speak Mexican Spanish, which is just as good, they'll understand me. I'm scared but I know I'll be okay.Last Tuesday, I bought my plane ticket (I got if off Orbitz, by the way, they have good deals). It's final, I'm going in November... I was so happy that I cried! I'm so excited that I can barely sleep, or eat. I haven't told my mom, though, and I don't know when or how I should tell her. I've discussed my plans with her, but now that they're final, I know she'll be upset. I decided that I wanted to get into EFL because I studied abroad in Mexico as an undergrad, and I came back to the states... and I became depressed and realized I was bored. I'm not ready to be tied down and I want another adventure. I'm doing this for selfish reasons, but I know in my heart that this is the right decision and even though I'm not sure I wanna teach forever, it's something I've always wanted to do. I don't want my mom to be upset with me, but she is going to flip when she finds out what I've done. I have no regrets and I know in my heart that I made the right choice. I would like to be independent and I feel guilty about hurting my mom when she lets me live in her house, but I feel like family members should help each other out... and I work (two jobs, 90 hours a week) and save my money because I want to go back to school, and have a better life, and teachers in North Carolina get paid a pitiful salary. I want to go to another country and teach because I am fed up with North Carolina, and the rough schools and crappy treatment teachers get... I took the day off because I have an appointment. I love my mom and it makes me sad that I'll leave home forever and my family behind... but there's no future in North Carolina and if I ever have children, I don't want them growing up here... no offense to anyone from here, but I've been here for 15 years... no más. I've digressed, I know. How do I tell my mom that I've made my decision? I love my mom, but you only live once and going to Spain has been my dream since I was old enough to walk... dreams are what make life worth living. :)Thanks if you can help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure why my mom is the way she is.
Sometimes, I wonder if my parents had a child that died before I was born, and they never told me about it...
To put things in perspective, I went to McDonalds on the way home from work tonight and my mom was, in her words, "a nervous wreck," and said that it was dangerous to stop at McDonalds for a hamburger to eat. Probably isn't good to be at McDonalds at night but it was on my way home and I had had nothing to eat for dinner.
If my mom freaks out because I went to McDonalds... well you can imagine how she's gonna react when I tell her I got roundtrip tickets to Madrid, Spain.
I'm very grateful for your answers, though. It's very kind of you to listen to me... I don't feel so alone.
¡Saludos!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionreplacement fingers from Amazon, lol.
I was wondering where I could get some!
My callouses are bleeding from planing the guitar, and I burnt a finger on my starightening ironn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): lol previous posts should say :
You tell her how much... not you yell her hoq....
-note to self get replacement fingers from amazon.
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): you cant. instead you make sure you phone her and email her, lots. you yell her hoq much you will miss her.
Star.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou people are right, though, there's nothing to do but tell her the truth. But, how do I make my mom understand that I'll be okay? :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn November.
I finally told my mom, btw.
She's really worried. I know I've made the right decision but I don't want to hurt her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): when do you go? and when are you planning to tell her? give her time to think...
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood point Star.
Fall in love with a dusky Spaniard, ooh la la.
You should go into writing? That sounds like it would make a very excellent story.
Ciao e grazie
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):
I know, but do you have to tell your mum all of that right away? she will be upset with you going.... why not have the going away conversation - then in a years time have the i have fallen in love with a dusky spainard and wont be back conversation.
It will make no difference to you - but will save her a double hit and you keep your options open in case the world is more scary or something stupid happens. (e,g, no burning or bridges).
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStar, I am NEVER going back to live in North Carolina.
I don't know where I'll wind up working but I'm so over this entire state. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings but my hometown is a pit... I feel guilty that I raised my dog here. :)
Thanks guys :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for listening to me, and for writing to me.
I just want to convince my mom that I know what I'm doing. My whole family thinks I'm an idiot, no one thinks I'm smart enough to make my decisions. I really love my mom a lot, but it makes me angry that she doesn't believe in me.
I understand how important it is to do research and know what you're getting into, and I'm a woman and single, and I do feel a little scared that I'm going across the ocean to a country where I don't know a soul... but my heart is telling me to do it, and my head tells me that I'm prepared. There's no turning back now, and I wouldn't turn back if I could.
I have something I would like to say to the aunts, or anyone who reads my question: I realize I am so fortunate, and I realize that there are people who would love to go, but don't have the opportunity... I had so many obstacles to overcome, but eventually I made it. I would have liked to have studied abroad in Europe sooner, and I had to be patient, but you can make it if you try, if you want it badly enough. :-) If you've dreamt of something, there's usually a way to get it. :)
I graduated from college and couldn't get a good job at first and I was so depressed because I wound up working in a Belk store selling luggage... and these trophy wives would come and tell me about how they were going to Spain, I would make polite conversation, but these women didn't seem to care about the culture or the language, just showing off their money. It used to make me so angry to see someone else get to go to Spain who didn't really want the trip, when I had struggled and worked my way through college.
The moral of the story is that eventually things worked out for me. I wish it had happened sooner, but my time finally came.
I'm telling this story not to digress, but because I realize some of you aunts may have the desire to go and you can, someday. I've been there, longing for something that isn't auspicious at the moment, only for it to eventually work out later down the line. :)
Thanks!
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 May 2009):
 The only way is tell her, simply. She should respect your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): ;)
you just sit her down and say "mum, I want to travel. Thank you for making me. Now I have to be me and this is what i want to do. I know I am going for a while, but i will always be your daughter. I will be back and its only a short time. It is better to have a life with adventure - than no adventures at all ... I will be back and i love you and need you to be there if I get into trouble... "
then wait while she rents out your room... you will be back...
Star.x.
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reader, helpdan?  +, writes (1 May 2009):
wow! i really feel happy for you following your heart, i wish i could do what you have done. i think you should just tell your mam what you feel and just think in her shoes, i think she will be happy for you what ever you do, especially if you follow your heart. i think you should just say what you said at the end of your question, 'I love my mom, but you only live once and going to Spain has been my dream since I was old enough to walk... dreams are what make life worth living. :)' but put in words which she understands, hope this helps!! dan x.
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