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anonymous
writes: Dear CupidMy husband (of four years) and I have been separated for just over a year. It was his decision to leave, and he has never given me any reason for ending it, other than to say he was sick of the arguments. He has always refused my requests for us to try and talk, and has built a brick wall around himself by, for example, refusing to give me his phone number. I have spent most of the past year in shock, and desperately wanting answers, but I have been frightened to push things any further, partly because I don't want to jeopordise my relationship with my in-laws, who I am very close to. He left a message recently saying he wanted to speak to me, but now he won't call me back. Ultimately, the only thing I want is for us to be back together, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I have spent a lot of time working on my confidence, but despite this I am very unsure of what action to take, as I am frightened of making things worse. All I want is for us to be on friendly terms, which is something he initially said he wanted, but then appeared to change his mind. Please help.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 January 2005):
 My initial answer to this is to say forget him and continue to work on your confidence and build your life. However, I do respect your feelings and the fact that you don't want to fall out with anyone. Yet, this guy isn't giving you any feedback and he appears to not to want to. Perhaps there was something he wanted to talk to you about but now the urgency to do so is gone. Unfortunately, unless you can get to talk to him then you are hitting a brick wall.Have you tried writing him a letter? Perhaps you need to explain all you have said here and that you are thinking of moving on but that it would have been nice to have remained friends as he wanted in the beginning. Add how confused you have been over his actions but that the time has come for you to get out more and make a life for yourself. You need to do this anyway. You could be holding on to something that will never come to fruition. Use your determination and strength and try to move on. If he still wants you, it will be then that he will return.Good luck.
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