A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am a 27 year old virgin, and to make things worse I am a social recluse and unable to ask out women or even flirt with them. I have recently decided to go back to university for a second masters degree to help me change my career direction. But this has meant leaving home for the first time in my life. I find myself desperately alone, and looking at escorts' sites considering paying just for some female companionship/affection (not sex). I feel unable to tell anyone about how I feel and this makes me feel even more trapped. I don't drink or take drugs, am hard-working and my friends describe me as intelligent and a gentlemen; but the only times I have tried to show interest in women I have been rejected, even publicly on one occasion.Has anyone out there ever been through this or is going through this sort of thing now? If so how do you cope?Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any help/guidance would be very much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): I've been on both sides of this issue you have presented. And I am a female. I have gradually started forcing myself into social situations (force meaning "it would be very impolite if I left now") and found that it is actually enjoyable. I have some advice for you:
- to meet a nice girl, try hanging out in groups. Sure, that's probably the complete opposite of what you are used to, but think of it this way: in a group, everyone's attention is divided. No one will be focusing on you. Talk to people about common interests. Don't make it obvious that there is a specific girl you want to be close to in the future because it may come across as creepy.
- Be natural. It's easy to sense when someone is trying to act differently to impress another person, and it can be a turn off.
- try to be comfortable. Tell yourself "it's not a big deal. I'm just meeting a person for a coffee" or whatever works. A little nervousness can be cute, but if it's too much then the situation could get awkward. Worst-case scenario, convert nerves into humor by outright telling her, with a chuckle "I'm a bit nervous. Dreadfully sorry about that."
Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): I'm several years your senior and still a virgin.
My advice to you? Forget about women until you complete your second Masters Degree. Then start some kind of high-paid consulting business in your field. Money fixes everything.
Your ideal target woman should be a younger virgin with a great personality. And for God's sake don't act desperate, women can sense that from a mile away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Keep your head up pal. Listen, Im 25 and right there with you. However, its worse for me maybe cause I have lots friends who are women but are NOT interested in me in that way. Im a friends zone loser lol. Im a gentlemen too and have been raised to treat women like u wouldnt believe, unfortunately, growing up in the states for 24 years I became convinced women do not like men like me at all and I have needed to change a little. I once upon a time thought my virginity was special and a gift and all that crap. truth is, my values and morals are so rare with women...I have changed to conform to what the rest of society sees as acceptable. I have that edge but I now advertise it with women, before you'd have to know me well to see the a--hole. This, sadly, is what MOST women want in my opinion from men. Im no longer a 100% gentlemen whose gonna hold the door and pick up ur tampon wrapper on the restaurant floor. Ive felt alone...in morals and values when it comes to women and given Ive only been in two relationships, I have a lot of desires to be filled. My experience with strippers and hookers have been overall okay and let me just say Im scheduled next month to lose "it" in an all out, crazy way. For myself, Im done being the nice guy. If you want something in life, you must go after it. In my case, I just want to get laid so I know what the "nice guy" has been missing out on. I maintain certain things that are different in my personality than most men, but with sex and women. Done. Consider me a Charlie Harper. If I were you, I would re evaluate who you are. You may not need to change like me. AND if you want a real woman, stay away from parties, bars, and nightclubs. Its EVER so rare you'll find one there and that atmosphere never gave me a confidence boost (maybe my d***) but not a true, genuine feeling for a woman. Use your social network...your friends and family to help hook u up. they know you best therefore they might know what kind of woman you desire. Hang in there fella. Take the initiative to make the changes you need for yourself that you and only you feel that is necessary for you to progress in this area of your life. All the best :)
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (17 September 2010):
 You could try internet dating sites. I have been on a few dates from them and finally am now settled with a nice woman who appreciates me.
Other than that go to as many parties etc as you can find the more you put yourself out there the better chance you have of finding someone.
If you get rejected then just move on to the next, there will be someone out there for you.
Is there no one at uni who you like?
The secret to a good relationship is good communication, women work on emotional levels where most guys just see logic. If you appeal to a womans needs and emotions you wont go far wrong.
Dont waste your money on escorts or even prostitutes its seriously not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Hey,
Well its not all that bad to be 27 and still a virgin. Please dont let yourself or anyone pity you for your status. Dont let anyone think you are unhappy being single or anything. Feel good about yourself first to make others feel good about you. Once you get that confidence back in you, things will definitely change.
Now lets talk about how you can bring about change. You will have to take extra initiatives for things to change around you. Go to every posible social invitation, go out with friends, try and interact with friends friends. Show interest in people. Listen to them more than talking. They will like it if you show interest in them. Interest in the sense of listening to them and not start with flirting. Slowly and gradually youll find yourself not feeling the same feeling alone. You never know where your someone special might meet you.
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