A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:basically i have had a crush on my fitness instructor for over a year now.. + we r really good mates, we watch films together, have a laugh + love meeting up for coffee.. but today we were just chilling on sofa like normal.. when he kissed me soo passionately i couldn't believe it was happening!! it was the best thing in the world.. + i thought he must love + care bout me! but then he picked me up + carried me to the bedroom.. that's when he hinted very stronger about sex + physical things.. i was a little scared but i knew that if i was uncomfortable about it he wouldn't pressure me.. and he didnt at all.. we were just kissing + cuddle when he said that he could spend the rest of his life with me + really sweet caring things, but after he also said, people will never agree to this + im a bad man.. + well, what's your opinion on this?? does he care?? is our friendship broken?? shall i tell him i want to start a relationship (cos i really would love to b his gf) what would you do??
View related questions:
crush, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsadly guys.. its turned out to b love..
we r still together.. + its not for sex.. i know this cos we hardly ever have it.. we kiss, cudde, touch but mostly we r brilliant mates! we cook meals for eachothers + in love... i guess it takes time to know what will happen.. its been 6 months now + we r already plannin a holiday :)
thankyou for ur advice tho + i really do apprectiate ur time.. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): the con man in action, preying on sweet gullible little girls!!!!!!!!!!!this man knew what he was doing, in paedo terms, it is called "grooming". sadly for you he groomed you right into his bed.please, please be more careful in future, you were not his fisrt young thing he took advantage of,, sadly you will not be the last. in legal terms, it is called modus operandi- basically, way/method of operation. The old, old, old , old man is lust looking for a sweet young, naive girl to sew his evil seed. sinister and evil, that is what he is.and NO, you cannot be his girlfriend. so please get the romantic notion out of your head. Yes, it happened once but you have the power, yo ensure that he doesn't do it to you again. He is using his charm and please listen to all who have posted here. There is a wealth of experience and know how. The people here have nothing to gain. I hope you have read all responses and know that we are all concerned about your well being. Your fitness instructor only cares about getting you in bed and he did.Please do not be alone with him. Sort out the mess in your head, analyse your feelings and try not to misread them as love and caring. This man betrayed a relationship of trust with you. Also do your parents know him, he betrayed them as well. Please speak to someone about the influence he has over you. Its so sad, he used you, whispered sweet nothings into your ear and he will continue to do so. If you let him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): If there is such a gap, it's likely statutory rape. Not your fault. Rape isn't always violent, but it can involve an older man sweet-talking and building a (false) friendship, taking advantage of a teenager (or vice versa). He's probably been planning of "the right moment" for a while to make his move -- like a (sexual) predator. This is a crime, more than just taking advantage of you. Tell you mother or call the police and talk to a detective, and don't be alone with him again. He's most certainly done this with other girls. I bet it's a pattern.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (11 April 2009):
 I see a BIG RED flag with "Caution" written on it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): That is a major age gap and I have to agree with what others said. Just because he says I love you doesn't mean he does at all. You don't even know him, and have never lived with him, so how on earth can he say he can spend the rest of his life with you? This is only sweet talk, and nothing more. He is taking advantage of the situation and you need to be careful. This guys sounds like he just wants to make you think there is a commitment on his part so that you will have sex with him. I have to agree with another person saying a guy who moves fast is controlling, because I realize that now since I dumped my ex. He moved too fast, and was controlling on doing things his way or his own time. There are better guys out there, and honestly this guy is not worth your time. However, this is your choice as you are old enough. If you do want to talk to your mom, go ahead but its not necessary. Just for you own good, don't go further with this guy. You are young and have lots of time to enjoy your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Hang on a minute. He has already said he could spend the rest of his life with you? Don't you think that is completely ridiculous on the basis that you have never lived together, never had sex and don't know a great deal about one another? Ok you have been casual friends but that is a huge leap in a guys head. You need to understand something that a guy who moves fast like this and makes assumptions can be controlling - even if you don't think it now. My hunch is telling me he has already taken advantage of a situation and if he has said that he is a 'bad man' in one breath (which implies something is wrong) and that he could spend the rest of his life with you in another then I am getting kind of scared actually. It does not feel right to me but, unfortunately, you are now old enough to make your own decisions. Just take care. There are loads of great guys in their late teens early twenties who would fun with no pressure.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): If there really is a 26 year age gap, and you really are 16-17 years old, I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you are being taken advantage of here.If you're 17 for example, that would make him 43. Is that the case? If it is, then I think this man is abusing you and trying to take advantage of your naivete.Look, just him SAYING that he loves you and could spend the rest of his life with you etc. doesn't mean anything. If he's worried about being a "bad man", well then, I would worry about it too. PLEASE talk to your mom or some adult you can trust about this. If this man is as old as you say he is, I would have a hard time thinking his intentions were pure. Don't let yourself be alone with him until you've discussed this with someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 The title says there is a 26 yr age gap but your post doesn't, which is it?
...............................
|
