A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a repost, I'm looking for all the answers I can get.Back in Nov. My fiance and I had some issues. We play an online game. The game is mostly populated by young teens. Well he started to spend alot of time in game with a girl who I found out was 15. He was spending so much time with her that he was beginning to ignore me and our other friends in game. I came home to find him on the phone with her once. I told him that was inappropriate and the he shouldn't do it again. That some one could get the wrong idea. I also found out that they were texting. Nothing bad or sexual, just normal texts. I still warned him. Come to find out that this girl claimed she was in love with him. I told him right then and there that this has to stop. He cant be friends with a 15 yr old girl that says shes in love with him. Hes 24 by the way. He said I was being was stupid and over reacting and that I didnt trust him. All I was doing was being logical and trying to keep him from potential disaster.Well we fought for a few days and we almost separated. In the end we didnt and they stopped talking. Things were better then ever, he was so loving and more cuddly and just all together better. Well a few weeks ago I noticed he had been looking for her on myspace. I had deleted her num out of his phone and deleted her myspace from his bookmarks. That made him extremely mad. He told me I had no right (which I admit I didnt and it was childish) he called me crazy and chose not to talk to me for a day. I told him I did it cause he shouldnt be talking to her and shes left him alone so he needs to leave her alone. Just so happens that a few days later she contacts him in game and now once again they are talking.We did talk about it some the other night. He noticed I was being 'mopey' as he put it. So he asked me what was wrong and wouldn't let up till I told him. So I said everything that I had been saying from the start and even phrased a few things better.He said he understands what I'm saying and he does see how he could have done things a bit better. Example being, when she said he was 'in love' with him he could have pushed her back some instead of still being right there all the time and ignoring it. He said he knew that she would eventually get over it and didn't see a problem with staying friends. He said that we would never see eye to eye on this whole thing but in the end we came to the agreement that he would never call her or talk to her on the phone. However he could remain friends with her and text her, because he sees texting as no different then talking on the comp. I did ask him however if I had asked him to have no contact would he have done it? He said yes he would have but things would not have been easy between us. Which is what I figured. I would never ask him to do something like that anyway. I was just curious. So I thought the issue was mostly resolved. Then I found something in his google history that I just dont know what to think about. He had googled the sentence 'I'm in love with a 16 year old' I never brought it up to him because he hates when I go through his comp. Though I did find it in on accident.I asked him if he was still in love with me. He said yes and the asked why I would ask him that. I just told him I had alot on my mind and I needed to know. I have been trying to think of why he would google that. My mom says maybe he was just looking at what other people were thinking and I shouldnt worry. That its probably just a crush and it will go away. She says I worry to much about the small stuff and its only gonna make things worse. In a way I think I may have caused him to think that he may be in love with her. I had asked him why he was so drawn to her. He said he didnt know. I said well maybe you should think about that. I guess he did and now I dont know what to do. This seems to just get worse and worse. When I think its all over and done with something else pops up. I dont know if I'm overreacting or if I'm compeleatly logical. I'm just so confused.So in the end I'm asking what you all think about the situation and what you think I should do. I love him and I do want to marry him and spend my life with him, but I dont know if I can.Update: Since I first posted this, he hasnt had any contact with her. She moved and hasnt had an internet connection for some reason. But theres been no texting that I've seen. He still very affectionate with me and always saying "I love you" so I have yet to bring up the google thing. I know I should (and soon before any wedding plans) but I just dont know how. I dont want to bring it up out of nowhere. I'm just so lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Hmm i think that you should have stopped all contact between him and this girl as it is OBVIOUS that he cares deeply for her! And didn't just type that into google to find out what other people say! I think taht you have a serious problem and i don't know what you should do , sorry.
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