A
male
age
30-35,
*arknazgul9
writes:Dear Cupid,I've recently been seeing this girl who is the sister of a work collegue.We get on like a house on fire, shes sweet, thoughtful and drop dead gorgeous but there is one thing holding me back and that's a gap between our ages, i'm 21 and she's 16. Usually would tell people that age is only a number, but i have a feeling a few close friends would judge me if i were to commit to this girl.I wouldn't be writing in if i was'nt into her, but how do i make people aware that we are serious even with an age gap of 5 years. ThanksDNG9 Reply to this Question
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male
reader, he4she  +, writes (22 January 2011):
There is nothing wrong with it as long as you aren't having sex. But keep in mind she is only 16, you are old enought for a long term relationship but she may not be as ready as she thinks she is. Anyway good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I think the way you proof to people you are serious is by telling everyone and then ensuring it lasts! If it is serious it will last and people will accept! Stop caring what people think
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I dont see the problem, me and my boyfriend have a 5year gap and im 17. We got together when i was 16. Shes legal, its all good. Who cares what your friends think.
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A
female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (18 January 2011):
 The first thing is that, you said you recently started seeing her. Just keep it at seeing each other, etc. In America the legal age of consent is 18- but I understand it's 16 in Great Britain? So the law or parents isn't a big concern... I hope.
However, the brain and hormones of a 16yo is still developing and changing. The way she is today (personality wise) could be completely different in ten years. Her likes and dislikes, etc, will all be different. The way it sounds, you're starting to get hot and heavy with this girl but aren't actually 'getting to know her'. A relationship needs to be built on communication, respect, trust and a mutual emotional connection. These are all things that a 16 year old typically isn't fully capable of. Now, the age difference is nothing- I dated a guy that was 14years older than me and the only reason we're not together is because he moved away and I couldn't. She may be very mature for her age (I was... but then I realized I really wasn't when I hit 22). She needs time to grow up- mentally and emotionally.
I would suggest remaining good friends, and when she's 20/22 then attempt to date. This will give her time to be a teenager and exploratory young adult- which if this is not done she will resent you (my first marriage!). I hope this helps! :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 January 2011):
 UK laws.. at 16 you are legally able to have a sexual relationship with anyone you want. (updated laws, as long as you didn't start dating before 16, then you have to wait until 17 to have sex or the older person can go to jail)16 and 21, not too large a gap, it's only a five year difference. Make sure she is safe and encourage her to spend time with her friends and do things that 16year olds do. At 16 she can marry you with the written permission of her parents.Don't worry about it. Just be aware that she is younger and can be damaged badly by you. Also she is still growing and her love for you may change and she may leave.In 2years time people won't care. Your not doing anything illegal. I don't find this immoral either, because in my mind you are both young adults.Friends that judge you, have too much time on their hands. When you are older, you find out that worrying to much about the opinions of others can seriously limit your opportunities for happiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): There is nothing wrong with falling in love with this girl, even at your age. There is however a legal issue with you having sexual relations with this girl. You can spend time with her, court her, date her, you just cannot sleep with her. Aslong as you keep that one boundary I see nothing moraly or legaly wrong with anything here.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 People are always going to judge no matter what. If they are really your friends they would respect your privacy. Let people talk all they want and refrain from trying to explain the relationship or to defend yourself. You don't need your friends' approval. Make sure you still have time for your friends. Only time can tell whether you are serious or not. The only thing that's holding you back is you. If it's really serious then nothing will come in your way. What do you mean by serious? There is no obligation to announce to the world you are serious, unless you plan to marry her. You have just been seeing this girl. What's the rush to be serious?
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A
male
reader, ThatOtherGuy +, writes (18 January 2011):
You're treading in murky water man. She could get mad at you and get you thrown in jail. Her parents could get mad at you and have you thrown in jail. I've seen it before.
What do you see in a 16 year old girl that you don't see in a 18 year old girl? 19, 20, 21, 22?
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