A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not exactly sure what to do in this situation. Around this time last year I met this guy and we began a little "thing" and we hung out on a weekly basis. One night we ended up having sex and then the day after he completely ditched me and I was left completely heartbroken. A week later I found out that he was in a steady relationship with another girl which stunk even more. Months went by and this october I went to a coffee house and he happened to be there... i saw him and walked by without saying hello because I still felt angry and hurt. A couple minutes later my phone starts lighting up with texts from him wondering why I didnt say hello. From that point on... we started talking more and more and before I knew it... he began taking me out to dinner and we've been going on actual dates. Eventually... we ended up having sex again and I was very anxious about it because I was afraid history would repeat itself and he'd just leave me again. I decided to get some closure after we "finished up" and I asked why he did what he did the last time we had sex. He had told me that the last time it had scared him because we were getting so close and that he felt it was a wrong move to go that fast within 3 months. He kept telling me how awesome I was and that he thought i was really cool. And I said that I knew there was another girl in the picture that last time and he said... yeah I guess but never bothered to mention her name and seemed to talk badly about her. He said "You're going to think im crazy for saying this, but after my last relationship ended... my buddy said something about not knowing what you have until its gone and I immediately thought of you so I had to start talking to you again". He had apologized a bunch of times for what he did and I felt like he was telling me the truth and he said he wants to see where this goes. What does it mean when a guy says he wants to "see where this goes". I really want a relationship with him and he seems like hes changed because we still hang out all of the time and he always invites me to hang with him at the beach etc etc even after sex... so it makes me feel like he might want something more. Should I trust what he says? Does it sound like hes testing the waters to see if I'm relationship material or do you think he's keeping me around for sex?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I think he's honest with you and his actions are backing up his words which is what is most important. He didn't blow you off or act defensively when you questioned him about why he disappeared immediately having sex with you or his relationship with the girl. He was to the point truthful. I think he learned quite a few lessons for (1) he didn't appreciation you until you were gone which he told you himself (2) being honest with you is alway the right way to go even when the news isn't so pretty but aleast you can depend on the truth in his word which I'm sure is what's made you have sex with him again since he's earned back of huge amount of your trust by being honest (3) he learned that he has to show you appreciation outside the bed so this is why he spends time with you after sex plus he likes your companionship outside the bed.
I think he wants to be exclusive with you but doesn't want to put a title on it just yet. Titles have an uncanny way of putting a high expectation on a couple when they really are just starting off. It's sort of takes away from the spontaneity of just naturally bonding because of that unknown possibly that commitment has to happen for sure. I think what he's saying is let's just let us flow together and love every moment we have together and away from one another because when we meet up for our next special day together we can have lots to share and catch up on about our little breaks in between which hopefully won't be weeks on end.
I say this is a perfect start over. The communication and honesty seems it's there.
It can work again but better this time around.
I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, tori1993 +, writes (18 January 2011):
well when he say he want to try things out maybe he do care and trust him until he give you reason noy to
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 That little thing you had with him wasn't a horrible mistake. You weren't bound to each other and he was under no obligation to tell you everything in his life. It's good that he cares about your feelings and that he said sorry.
"See where this goes" means he's open to the idea of relationship but not so fast yet. There is no relationship talk before you both see where this goes. Whether you want to have sex before it gets serious is up to you but you must not think that he's using you if it does not progress into a relationship. It just means that a relationship probably won't be a good idea, and not that he's just after one thing. The assumption that guys only want sex, and run for the hills when there are problems, is just wrong. Most guys want a woman to love them and support them, but first he wants to make sure if he can make you happy.
The question is not whether you should trust him or not. You probably won't be able to until after a few more years with him and still there will be doubt, like in any other relationship. The most important thing is that you are both able to communicate your feelings in a calm manner.
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