A
female
age
26-29,
*inggabbieee
writes:Hello all,Lately, I have grown incredibly depressed. It seems like last year, I had everything I could of wanted at the time. I had a boyfriend, I lived in a nice house, I had a great and fun job, I had a good relationship with my co-workers a few good friends, and as quickly as I felt happy, is as quickly as it all seemed to go away.My boyfriend began to treat me like complete dirt. Not exaggerating, complete dirt, and he treated me this because he was just jealous that I worked with predominantly men and was positive I was cheating on him, although I never did and never would of. But regardless, I am happy to be rid of that toxic relationship.But even after that, my life began to sour shortly afterwards.. My wonderful boss quit after 15 years (2 years working under him) and left the company in pandemonium. Within 30 days, all my managers and my original team had left also, and the new managers moved me to a new position every week, and changed my pay plan. It was hard for me to leave, but I did. I went to similar company briefly (5 months), but left after a male co-worker assaulted me. Afterwards, I felt like I needed to step away from the business I was in and try something different.To add to it, most of my "friends" we're people from work, who were all married, older, and with children, while I was 19/20, single with no kids. The only time I hung out with them or spoke to them was at work, otherwise I would go home (now living with my mother, my brother, his gf and their two babies in a 2bd apartment) and either watch t.v or workout with no contact with people my own age. And when I do, I'm often told that I'm "boring" because I dont drink or party.Last night, I was laying in bed watching Law and Order reruns and I had an emotional breakdown. I realized I had nothing going on in my life. I went from making good money, to barely making ends meet. And although my job now is laid back, it doesnt feel satisfying. I went from having what I thought was a great relationship to not even being able to get a date with a halfway decent guy. I went from living on my own to my mother's crowded apartment. And now, I have not one friend. I cant even afford to attend my therapy sessions that I started attending after my assault. I simply feel like the most miserable 21 year old at the moment and I dont know what is going on in my life. Lately I've been thinking of getting back into the business I was in, but I'm not sure if I'd be doing that because its what I want, or because I'm lonely and need something to do. I want to get out and have fun and meet people, but I literally have no one to do things with. Not one person. I'm all alone.. I need some good advice or suggestions to get out of my rut and be happy with the way things are at the moment, or change them. Any help?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 People around age tend to think aw that person doesn't drink so they must not be much fun. Off course you can be fun, I would have a much more fun night out with a couple of drinks than I would getting drinks every five minutes.
Firstly if you are unhappy at work then look in to getting something else. It sounds like the life has been sucked out off you. If you are not sure which career you would like full time then go and see a career adviser, they might be able to help you find a job that you would love.
Secondly if you are not happy at home then maybe rent a room from somewhere. Have you looked in to student accommodation? I am not sure how it works there, but here where I live you can move in if you are a young professional and house share. It could be a great way for you to meet some people your own age.
As for making friends. This can be a hard one because it is difficult to meet and click with people. Nobody wants someone trying to hard so try not to do that either. So lets see do you like animals? If so look in to some charity work with them, or volunteer on a subject that you are interested in.
Are you active? You could join a running team or maybe a womens only fitness class, meet new people. Great opportunity to make friends.
You could maybe go for a walk to a park, or social clubs and just be friendly to people. It all starts with a smile a hello and a few questions about the person to show them you are interested in getting to know them.
Life can be lonely at times, I remember being in your situation feeling like I was the loneliest person in the world. It truly can be soul destroying. But the good news is with a little effort you can become super sociable. Maybe try online dating you can meet friends on there as well.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 I fail to understand how people equate drinking alcohol with being fun and someone who doesn't drink as boring! I am a vegetarian for personal reasons, don't touch alcohol, never have, never will. I laugh when people say that smoking and drinking is cool. We'll see what your lungs and liver have to say about that :)
Good for you for not giving in to stupid pressure. It's your co-worker who's a fool so just smile at her and refuse politely. You don't have to smoke, drink or do drugs to be fun and if that's what it takes to make friends, then believe me OP, you're better off being alone. Who says alone=lonely? I love being by myself and I feel that the people who constantly surround themselves with others are the ones who have the greatest insecurities. They can't bear the thought of being by themselves, to face their demons, their weaknesses.
When someone says "you're so boring", just politely smile and say, "well everyone can't be as exciting as you" and walk away or get back to working. This way you're not insulting anyone to their face and yet giving an apt response.
You WILL make friends and it's great that you're selective because when you do, you'll make good friends.
Happy New Year! :)
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A
female
reader, kinggabbieee +, writes (20 December 2017):
kinggabbieee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the advice everyone.. It surely hasn't been easy, and this morning I woke up grateful for the things I did have. Health and roof over my head being the main two. A second ago, my co-worker got up and started dancing to "All I want for christmas is you" and because I didnt really give him any attention, he said "Your so boring", something he has told me daily since we met.. Although I dont know why me being focused on work makes me boring. But I'm so glad Anonymous 123 mentioned Volunteering, because I actually never thought of that. I already found something I've always wanted to do so I hope it all works out.. I surely dont want to sound like a pity party, I just couldnt believe I didnt have not one good friend to hang out with. And its not that I dont want to go out and dance at a club once in a while, but its not something I wanted to do alone, and I didnt like that other people made me feel like I was "boring" because I wasnt doing it every night. The one time I did go to a club with my younger co-workers at my last job, I was offered a drink every 30 seconds, even though I continuously said I didnt want to have my first drink that night as I didnt feel comfortable. I ended up leaving early.Working at a place where there are only 4 people, and the one person your age is constantly reminding you how boring you are makes me believe it, but I know deep down im alot of fun and im a good friend, I've just been alone for a long time, I tend to forget. But im praying for this new year that things get better and I make some new friends.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (19 December 2017):
Life isn't always fair. We've all been kicked in the ass when we least expected it but to get up, brush the dirt off and keep going on is the sign of strength and resilience. You can sit and pity yourself or you can take a deep breath, sit up, get a clean sheet of paper and start writing down points. List all the good things that you have going for you, and trust me my dear OP, good health is absolutely number 1 on the list. Health is wealth they say, and you will realise just how much this statement means when you or someone close to you is ill. So be thankful for the fact that you are healthy and strong.
You are also not in a toxic relationship and it's better to be alone than what someone you're unhappy with.
You have a roof over your head.
You have a job which pays you something so at least you don't have to depend on someone for a living.
Now make a list of all the things that you can do to better your situation and start working on it this very moment.
You want friends? Then join a club, volunteer, go for walks to the park where you might just meet someone who can talk to. Not happy with your job? Work towards upgrading your skills and try moving to a better place.
Seen on a poster recently: "If you're not happy where you are, then move. You are not a tree." Makes sense doesn't it?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 First thing, stop doing 'poor me'. You don't need other people to help you join clubs, choirs, evening classes, volunteering etc. Enrol in lots of things. Also, exercise is essential. Walking is free so don't make cost a negative factor.
If you have always relied on your current 'bestie' to do things with, then this is life saying be bold, take a chance, try something on your own. Life is giving you this opportunity to grow. Take it.
We all go through dark patches in life but remember this - depression is like the weather. It may look bleak, but like the weather it will change.
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