A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm a 21 year old female.I have recently gotten together with my first boyfriend, who is 23.We spent the night together last saturday but decided to stop and not to have sex just yet.I am a virgin, he is not. But i haven't told him so, and to be honest, don't think i will since i would be embarressed.I am ready to have sex since i'm not a teenager anymore, and i have strong feelings for this man even though we haven't been together for a long time.I am wondering what to expect for my first time, since i am a lot older than most girls in my situation are, but still haven't initiated my sex life.thank you very much.Sabrinne
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (31 July 2008):
p.s. - Also take a look at what I wrote in the thread "First time - painful?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html ].
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 July 2008):
If you can't tell him you're a virgin you probably aren't ready to have sex with him.
If he doesn't have some respect for your virginity he probably shouldn't be your first partner.
I hope you're not wanting sex primarily because it seems like a good age to do it. Yes, the majority of people your age have probably had sex but MANY have not. (I remember sitting in my college graduation when I was 21, listening to the names being read, and thinking "I'm probably the only guy here who has never been laid!". Well, it wasn't true then, and I don't think it's true now - but it would be another 5 years before I knew that.)
Physiologically, your first time will probably be someplace between moderately uncomfortable to hurts-like-hell. This is partly from getting your hymen ruptured, and partly from having your vaginal muscles stretched open to receive him. Have you and your guy done the non-penetrative things like necking, petting, oral sex, etc to learn each others' responses and prepare for intercourse?
Emotionally your first time may be a mixture of many things you don't understand. Going into it you will probably be very nervous, even fearful. Afterwards you could be anything from ecstatic to disappointed. You might be crying, from the emotion, or almost giddy with laughter. You might feel like holding your guy forever, or want some time very much by yourself. You will probably look at yourself and your partner differently - not necessarily in a bad way.
After being disappointed and ashamed of my performance when my wife & I first had sex I did a lot of reading on what I should have done differently. I'll never put the knowledge to use, but I can pass it on to others. You can read about my first experience in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html but I warn you - it was NOT a painless experience for either my wife or me. Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us!
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A
female
reader, Krissykins  +, writes (30 July 2008):
i would recommend telling him so he knows to take it slow ... you don't know what to expect really except what you have been told therefore taking it each stage at a time will mean you know fully what's going on and that you are ready. It can hurt so he needs to know i feel. Your 21, not 121, please don't let your age effect your honesty.
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A
female
reader, Estifany +, writes (29 July 2008):
Just take it easy. There is no need to rush just because others are doing it. You will definitely respect yourself later. It is good that he is understanding that you didn't want to have sex yet and I think that he definitely won't be upset that you are a virgin (most men love it when their women have never been with anyone else but them).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I was in the same situation as you. I was 21, I was dating a 25 year old guy, I kind of liked him but not really - I just liked the idea of having a bf and I was def TOO embarrassed to tell him that I was a virgin. So I never did!
As for when we actually had sex, I dont really remember the details -- but I do remember that when it went in, it hurt (he was big) but no so unbearable that he could tell anything except that he was... large. I also remember it wasn't being very good. At all. But then again, I didnt really like the guy that much, I just wanted to get it over with and he didnt like me that much either. And like the poster said before, my reaction was.. this is it? This is what the big deal is?
So I dont know how you feel about your boyfriend, but from my personal experience and from what I hear from all my friends, the first time was kinda like whatever.. in fact, after the first time none of us realized what the big deal was.
It wasn't until years later that I found someone that I truly cared for and wanted to be with that I realized what the big deal was. So dont be scared, expect the best, but realize that it might.. suck.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Depends, simple question.
What human organ enlarges to ten times its original size when excited?
If you are blushing, then disappointment.
(Answer, the Iris).
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Well it will probably feel a bit strange a little bit uncomfortable and you may even think 'Is that it, whats all the fuss about!'
Or it may be absolutely wonderful especially as he is a little more experienced and not a young 16 year old who will only be thinking of himself!!
Relax, try and enjoy it and if its not that great remember it will get better with practice!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): tell him, it's important to be able to communicate with him. if he's right for you he will respect you and he should be honoured that you've waited for the right person.
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