A
female
age
36-40,
*exi's Mom
writes:Ok, I met my husband of 3 years in Highschool. He was the perfect boyfriend. We dated for 2 years before getting married. We got married the summer of 2004 and we did good the first year, had our small fights. The summer of 2005 we found out I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby. We were 19 at the time. I found out later that week that he had been lying to me about something since we first started going out. He did not tell me about it, I found out on my own. From then on I have found out little by little all the lies he told me while we were dating and he had changed from my wonderful man to this hidious person. We started fighting more, and it started getting physical and very verbal. I finally told him I could not take his put downs and him hitting me anymore and threatened to leave and take our now almost 2 year old daughter with us. This was about 3 or 4 months ago. He promised to stop, which he has so far, and I stayed. But I found myself drown to other guys, and away from him. I care for him but not like I used to back before I knew all these secrets. He even admitted that he lied because he was afraid I would not love him for who is really is. I am staying with him for my daughter and will even if I don't love him anymore. I did however let my family know about the abuse and I will leave if it continues. But I don't know how I would do that. This is all too hard, I can't handle it. I am only 21 and I can't be divorced, it goes against everything I believe in and I can't do that to my beautiful baby girl! I just don't know what to do!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through such a horrible experience already. However, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT keep your child in an abusive or loveless household. Children are far more observant than most people give them credit for. Your daughter, who's name I'm guessing is Lexi, has probably already noticed how you and your husband interact and has learnt that it is normal on some level. Does this frighten you? Because it most definitely frightens me. I grew up in a loveless household and it is NOT good for a child's self-esteem. It is in your child's best interests to be raised in a loving home where all her needs are met.If you do not plan on leaving your husband then you definitely have an uphill battle to fight. Your husband likely has some inner demons to battle before he can be the man you need him to be and these demons cannot be vanquished by a reply of any length by me. I would suggest looking into some couples counselling if you truly wish to save your marriage.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
 You're only 21, and I can tell you really love your little girl. So having her in an abusive home, where she's going to learn how guys are allowed to treat women is OK with you?
Living in a loveless home, teaching your daughter about love in that way is OK with you? Now being drown to other guys, teaching your child it's OK to jump from one to another is that OK with you?
Did you know, in a bad relationship you can screw a child up more, than being a single parent? Jumping from guy to guy, you can screw a child up more than being in a bad relationship. Being drown to other guys tells me on the surface, you're a fairly week individual. You don't know deep down who you are. You have a lower self esteem.
To be the best mother that you can for your child, you have some work to do on yourself. If you're week, you'll teach her to be weak. If you don't love yourself, you'll teach her it's OK to attach on men to fulfill self love.
If you are to stay together, and that's your decision. Seek family and individual counseling. I highly recommend it before you child needs counseling for being exposed to bad behaviors.
...............................
|
