A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend and I are both virgins and we've been together about 4 months. We've tried to have sex twice now, and had the following problems. We are using condoms by the way.1. He can't stay hard. I've given him handjobs before without this issue. I think is is nerves.2. When he is breifly hard, he can't get inside me. He has fingered me extensively (and I have orgasmed) so I'm not apprehensive at all of penetration. The condom has lube. Any suggestions? I felt totally relaxed. Maybe we want a water based lube?Help?
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both virgins, condom, hand-job, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2012):
 I think he is just nervous. And I agree with Cerberus, stay away from oil based lubes.
Maybe just start out with getting each other off by old fashioned hand jobs? Oral? You two will eventually make the penetration work.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): First off OP don't use oil based lubricants with condoms it can cause them to fail.
Secondly it sounds like performance anxiety. Next time your in the position where you're together and ready to have sex, don't talk about it, don't set up the moment just slip on the condom and hop on top.
Look when a girl is tight and it's hard to get it in then that can cause a bit of worry that we may hurt her and that can cause a bit of anxiety, especially when we see her tense up from the initial attempts. If you hop on and you put yourself onto him then he doesn't have to worry about hurting you because you're in control.
Another thing OP, when a guy is on top it's a lot of work to hold ourselves steady and put one of our hands down to guide it in, so you should reach your hand down there and position his penis correctly to go. That way he can stay steady and all he has to do is use hips.
Just keep trying and don't be downhearted, you'll figure it out eventually.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): I had the same problem, see the thing was i decided when i was going to lose it with my gf we set a date (the prom) and you can end up putting way too much pressure on your self as a result. Especially with first time performance anxiety. My first time i was soo nervous that sex ended up lasting for about four seconds. After the initial 'set back' though things just become more relaxed, i can now quite hapily last five sometimes even six seconds...Seriously though, don't try to force it by setting a time or date or whatever, just let it happen naturally. All the best xox
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): Keep trying.Don't give up. It is always like this. First a few tries fail till one day, hey it is done.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): Hey this is the poster! We have also included extensive foreplay. I've told him it isn't a big deal and tried to relax him abd set him at ease.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 June 2012):
 I do not think it is the condom...he is just nervous. Plus, each time you "fail" at it, he probably gets more nervous. Have you ever tried talking dirty to him and telling him how much you want him? I mean, I could go into detail on what you could say, but tell him what you want him to do to you and what you want to do to him. Maybe that will help give him some confidence and help him keep it up longer. Really try to boost his confidence in that area.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): he is putting way to much pressure on himself. He needs to relax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): It could be the condom. I know my boyfriend tried a really generic condom and it actually cut off some of his circulation, which is bad. So I would try a bunch of different types cuz every guy is different. If you find that the condom type is the issue, try birth control or female contraceptives (sponge, diaphragm, condom, etc).
Also, what might help him relax is if you do A LOT of foreplay before even getting down to business. This could help :)
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 His nerves are getting to him and that is all it is. There isn't much you can do except get him really turned on so that he stays hard enough to enter you and realizes that he doesn't have to worry so much.
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