A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been going out on the town for about 2 months now. I've tried hard to go out and enjoy myself on a night without looking to find a girl. It's been pretty easy, but so far I haven't had any success. My friends only really go to clubs and it's impossible to strike up conversation in a club, and I for one find it difficult to just walk up to a girl and start dancing with her. Other guys seem to do that all the time. I see guys approach women from behind, rub against them, and before you know it they're dirty dancing! Why can't i have that for a change? I'm too respectful to try something like that, and I think that if I tried that, I'd get a whack on the head!I'm not just looking for a quick pull. I would like to start seeing somebody, but I obviously don't know how to act in order to so much as start interaction! What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Who  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 “I don't know how to act in order to so much as start interaction! What can I do?“You can practice with women whom you are not trying to pick up. Start with women who are expecting you to talk with them. Like co-workers, waitresses or sales girls. When they look at you give them a small smile and see if you can get them to smile back. When they say the normal everyday things, see if you can answer with something a little different that makes them notice, like:Her: How are you doing?You: Well, my lumbago is acting up, but other than that I’m fine. How are you?Her: May I help you?You: Well, most people say I’m beyond help, but I would like to buy this.Her: How was everything?You: OK except the fish tasted a lot like steak.Her: It was steak.You: Really? Then everything was just fine.OK all my lines are cheesy. You can make up your own or get some from the movies or TV. But the idea is get a laugh out of them and get them to make another comment or ask you something. Try a few complaints (I like your hair, that’s a pretty dress, etc.) and see if you can get them to say “Thank you” without looking uncomfortable. At first try to get it to go back and forth 3 or 4 times, then say goodbye, have a nice day, and head out.When you can do this smoothly and reliably most of the time, try it with woman who are not expecting you to talk to them. Like the one behind you in the queue, or one who walks up to the painting you are looking at in a museum. Start with eye contact and a smile. If she smiles back, say Hi. If she answers say something innocent and non-threatening, that is not personal. Like “When do you think it is going to stop raining?” or “You know I was hoping I would get to wait on a long line today.” Don’t try to be too funny with the first line, but if you get her to answer back a few times you can go for the laugh. Once the conversation is going will know what way to go. Don’t fall into the trap of making everything a joke through; the joke is to break the ice and get her at ease, you can talk about normal things after that.Get comfortable with chatting with strange woman, and get used to the few rejections you will get, and you will be able to get things started in the typical meet someone situations.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 April 2009):
 Hi there,
If you're trying to find a lady, the club probably isn't the best place to do that. Clubs are lots of fun and it's completely POSSIBLE to find a lady, but it's certainly not the best avenue to go down if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Maybe you need to try going to places where you can really get to know someone. What are your interests? If you're into books, go to the bookstore and try there. Into music, go to a cool music store or a show. Find an interest and start there - at least you'll know you have something to talk about!
The kind of girl who you meet grinding up on a club is going to be looking for a particular kind of guy - probably the kind of guy who you aren't at all! You seem like a respectful, classy kind of gentleman, go out there and find that kind of lady!
Good luck, sweetness!
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