A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well i am engaged and my fiance asked if we could do a 3 some before we got married, since he never had one, and i agreed. The person we did it with is a mutual friend. i have done 3 somes before and they are fun so it doesn't just usually happen once but she has gotten attached after we did it 3 times already. The other night he came in totally drunk and we started going at it as soon as he walked through the door. While in the middle of it he said call her and tell her to come over. I said no and he asked why and i answered that i didn't want her today and he got mad. Needless to say we stopped having sex and he blew my mood. Should i be worried. He is a good man he says there is nothing extra between them (after he sobbered up), he says that he so used to being honest with me he thought i wouldn't have a problem with telling her to come over again. Now since that has happened alot has ran across my mind? Should i keep having fun? Should i stop? I have also posed the question of her being our girlfriend, should i have done that? My philosophy is if you don't do it the next woman will, so i try to keep him happy without making myself feel uncomfortable.
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female
reader, cb +, writes (7 March 2008):
You can't uncross that boundary. The scenario usually plays out the same. It can only happen a few ways. The woman leaves the man for the woman, the man fools around with the other woman when the wife is gone (happens SOOOOO often) or the new woman falls in love with your fiance. One time you will be together and will see him cuddling with her and that spark of jealousy will hit you like a ton of bricks. Your fiance asked you to do it before marriage. You did. If he pushes the issue then I think you need to reconsider marrying him. If he really needs to be with another woman besides you that bad, maybe he isn't the one for you. You shouldn't say that if you don't then some other woman will. That is ridiculous. Have some respect for yourself. He obviously doesn't. When he was with her he was thinking of her, not you. I really like wildman's answer. I'm sure he would never let you sleep with some other guy.
A
male
reader, wildman +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Would your guy feel the same if you brought in another guy? You might try that once to see if that cures him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Well whats the problem then?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell just to let everyone know i didn't do have a 3some for him only i enjoy a female everynow and again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I have to agree with hello1. You seem a bit confused about why you have done this already and if you should now continue things that have taken on their own momentum.
You made a choice to share him, thinking it was okay. You said that you have done tis before and it was fun. Could their be a possibility when you had experianced this in the past, there was not the element of a love and true committment with the various parties. Maybe if it is now about loving someone, the 'fun' element has turned into something you are not comfortable with.
You were silly to have your friend take part in this and have now unleashed a monster. In my opinion, decisions and the way of life you have followed will end in heartache.
You need to have a serious discussion now with your partner. You have to strong the thought process that your up for it because someone else will offer and this is how to keep him. Come on hun, grow up a bit and stop justifying why you engaged in this activety willingly. You made a bad choice and now have to fix things if your not happy. Talk to him and tell him you think that what has been started is something now, you no longer want to do. Talk to your friend and tell her that it is over and was just something which should perhaps not have happended and could she but out for now.
Think about things this way,
If you have the ability, guts and control to have this type of terribly personal activety with your man, and another girl - WHY CAN'T YOU USE THE SAME GUTS TO SAY TO HIM THAT "YOU MAY HAVE MADE A HUGE BLUNDER IN GOING DOWN THIS TRACK, AND NOW IT FEELS WRONG".
Did you go to far? What do you think? And if it is now not where you want to be you need to speak up and quickly!
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Most couples don't have threesomes to keep a relationship together, the fact is it does the opposite in most cases. You made this the whole situation worse by inviting a freind into this mix, why not chose a stranger? someone you wouldn't see again and not get too clingy? You seem not to have many lines with your b/f, you should have said something like this is a one off.
I don't know how people can have someone else in their relationship but if you can do it, fine. But if not then put a stop too it, talk to him honestly about how you feel. I feel you have opened a door to something
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