A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok im 19 and i've just startd talking to these 2 girls. they both live equal distance from me and both of them would like to try things with us like long distance. the first girl is about 18/19 and we get on well and she is really cool as we have similar interests.the second we have the same as the first girl we get on well and really seem to like each other. the thing is she's only 13. i asked her if she was ok with my age and she was she likes guys older than her and she says she would go out with a guy maximum as 20. i then asked what about her parents and she said they're fine with it etc. Iknow that she is young and if we have sex (which me and her haven't had sex before) we'd be breaking the law etc. her last boyfriend was 17 and they lasted for 3 years. i'm not a guy who just wants sex all the time and i am willing to wait until the she is 16 if we get together. I would also have a talk with her parents to see what they think of our relationship and if there is anything they want to ask or say to me. I really like them both and even with the second girl only being young i think i like her too but not sure whats the way to go. how do i choose which girl to go for? shoud i meet them both for a date and then decide after that?thanks for helping in advance
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Dude the 13 year old is a no brainer. You seriously think you can date a girl for three years and not even do any groping? It doesn't matter whether you'd be willing to wait chances are in the those three years she'll probably want to get illegal.
OP she's only barely a teenager, a girl who probably thinks Justin Beiber songs touch her soul and speak to her and shit, stay away and don't get any ideas.
It doesn't matter what her parents say, it doesn't matter if you can wait, you'd pretty much be known as a paedophile, you'll definitely lose friends and you can't exactly bring her out places or to family events because frankly she's barely a child still.
So she'd be your dirty little secret, you can't have sex with her, you'll pretty much have nothing to talk about because she's a kid and not even nearly on the same emotional and intellectual level as you. OP what has she got to offer you in terms of a relationship? You can basically sit there and listen to Justin Beiber while she does her colouring in and writes in her diary about how in love she is. Did you have any notion or concept of relationships when you were 13?
It's a no-brainer.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I think you are safer to go with the girl that is 19. At 13 this other girl is still very young, and even though she might seem mature am sure once you got to know her you would see the cracks appearing and you both would be on very different levels in the relationship. At the end of the day you say you can wait until 3 years before you would have sex with her, but could you really see yourself lasting that long? By that stage you will be 22 and a young adult. You will both want different things. She is just way to young for you at the moment, so your best bet is to tell her you are sorry but you have met someone else and give things a go with the 19 year old.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Six years may not be too big a difference in 'adult' relationships, but in this sort of relationship I wouldn't say it was advisable. I'm judging and I believe that you wouldn't force her into anything she wouldn't do etc etc, but if I was her parents I wouldn't want her going out with someone six years older than her when she's only just turned a teenager.From a maturity point of view I'm not sure the 13 year old will handle various stresses and arguments of a proper relationship as well as someone closer to your age. This could create baggage if you want to end it at any stage or just cause her major distress which at her age, with big years of school etc ahead of her, she really doesn't need.There's also the worry of someone catching you, taking a dim view and calling the police. If you were to do anything before she was legal and she either told someone who disapproved or wanted to get revenge after you'd split up and could prove it, then not only will there be trouble for you, you could get put on the sex offenders register which would hamper your chances in many job opportunities.I really don't think it is wise to be contemplating trying to go out with a girl this young and you would be much better off choosing the 18/19 year old as you are much more likely to have a more prosperous relationship with her. I wish you all the luck with whatever you decide but you must be careful with both girls. I hope this helps somewhat, good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 You are 19 and she is 13... the other is 19
honey this is such a no brainer for me I can't even imagine you had to ask...
she's 13 and her last boyfriend was for three years? that means she was dating at 10... sounds really really REALLY bad...
EVEN if her parents are ok with it... it's NOT ok and they are wrong. Sorry... sounds like either she's lying or it's parental neglect.. either way I'd not get involved with her...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 The second one dated when she was at least 10. The boyfriend back then means a different thing than now. I would say when she was 10 the relationship was more like puppy love and companionship. Each year she matures she has different wants and needs in a boyfriend. The older girl can relate to you more. I am not saying that you don't have the patience for the 13 year old to grow up but I really think the older one would work out better for you. A date is only a date. You may like neither one, but at least there will be memories on what you did together, something to smile about when you are older.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Whatever you do, steer clear of the 13 year old - she's too young. She isn't fully capable of knowing what she really wants yet, with the 18 year old, see her for a while and see how it goes. If it works it's good, if it doesn't, you'll both meet someone else at someone in your life thats better suited to you.
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