A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been on-line dating on and off for the past year and 4 months. I’ve met 3 men in that time. Each time the same thing happens:- they are really enthusiastic about me. We meet and they are begging to meet me again - and then after the second or third date I get dumped. I keep getting such mixed messages from them.I had developed feelings for the last guy I dated so when he ended it earlier this week I was in tears. I have no idea what prompted it. We got on extremely well. He showed a lot of interest in me right from the start, and we wrote e-mails to each other everyday for a month before he suggested he wanted to take the relationship forward by meeting but only if I wanted to. I found it so refreshing that he considered my feelings too. Anyway, we agreed to meet up for coffee. He was lovely - very intelligent, interesting, and looked after me. He then suggested that we went out for a meal which was great, and then asked that we exchange mobile numbers. After that, he wanted to go for a walk with me. It seemed like he never wanted the date to end. We had a kiss at the end of the evening and he asked if I wanted to see him a few days later. He was really pleased when I said yes. He even text me the following day to double-check that I still wanted to see him again.So last weekend, we met up. Again, we had a great time and again he didn’t seem to want the date to end. He constantly suggested other places that we could go on to. He was holding my hand as we walked through his town and we did some window shopping - at his suggestion!. We chatted, we had a laugh and I found that I couldn’t wait to see him again. We kissed at the end of the evening.I had no clue he didn’t want to see me again until possibly at the end of the date. When I asked him to text me about meeting up again, he didn’t really react but simply said he was busy that week which I knew he was as he had already told me prior to us meeting that he would be so I didn’t really think anymore of it. He saw that I left safely, and was waving at me enthusiastically. Anyway, two days later I asked him when he wanted to meet up. He replied that he had been thinking about us a lot and he didn’t want to take things any further. He said that he really enjoyed talking with me, but that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He also said that he was looking for someone more the opposite of himself.A few days later he pulled his profile from the dating website. Again, I was so upset as it felt so final. I feel alot better about things now, and so I texted him today to wish him luck with a project he is involved in this weekend, and he text me back immediately with a very briefly telling me about the project. Why did he text me back, and why so soon? Was he just being polite? Is he interested in being friends? As I say, I definitely felt there was something there and I think he did too, so I don’t understand why he suddenly bolted. Any ideas? I’m beginning to think there is something wrong with me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): I hate to generalise here but generally a lot of people are on dating sites because they have trouble finding/keeping relationships. Some are for genuine, unlucky reasons e.g busy with work, live in small town orvillage and basically don't get much chance to meet anyone new. Other people have personalities or habits that keep them single. So the probability that you're going to meet someone who has problems with commitment is greater on a dating site, so don't go thinking it's you. If he's actually removed his profile it really is because he's afraid of a relationship, not that he was lying and wasn't really into you.
I think that it could be he was just being polite and if you have strong feelings for him, as it sounds like then the safest thing to do is just accept it as that and now move on from him.
You don't want to get involved with someone who keeps changing their mind and hurting you in the process.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): In my experience with online dating, if the man doesn't suggest a date within the first few emails back and forth (like no more than 5) it means he's taken, getting serious with someone else, or a player. One who is serious about meeting someone and starting a relationship won't want to spend a month getting to know you online...he'll want to meet up immediately.
Also when they tell you they don't want a relationship they mean it so don't keep fishing around to see if they changed their mind. It means they don't see one with you.
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