A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.i have recently found out im 9 weeks pregnant and i am so terrified. i havent told anyone yet, not even my boyfriend who i have been with for a year. i am going to tell him when i feel ready, i dont believe in abortion but now im thinking of it as im still young, im 18 and still want a life, but yet i couldnt abort my own baby and my boyfriend wouldnt forgive me if i did... im terrified of being a mum, im not very good with babies and kids i dont have a clue what to do at all, its worrying me. my parents wont mind me being pregnant when i tell them, they will support me, but im scared in telling my boyfriend, i dont know why but i am. im confused and dont know where to turn or what to do... any advice would be a help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): thanks for all your advice, i have been thinking and im still not quite sure what im doing, but i have told my boyfriend i am pregnant, it was hard telling him but he seemed happy and he said whatever decision i make he will be there for me. my parents are also okay with it.
i still havent made up my mind but i feel alot clearer now and can start thinking straight all thanks to your helpful advice. thanks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): I am 16 and recently had an abortion at 15 weeks in the UK. In my experience, it was painless and despite my parents not knowing, the medical professionals and my friends were completely supportive.
In the uk, thé first thing to do is go to either your GP or your local family planning clinic. This is completely confidential if you want it to be.
I then had to go to a consultation where i saw a counsellor and had a scan to determine thé âge of thé baby.
I then had my abortion, which was very quick, and i only felt a little nervous.
Thé procéss from visiting thé family planning clinic to thé date of my abortion was 10 days and i hâve been offered extra support and aftercare, but havent used it as i hâve felt fine.
Please do not feel scared away from having an abortion by some of these scary comments!
Take care, x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): If you have a baby, there are soooo many programs you can get on to help support your baby for instance low income housing, wic, Calworks(formerly known as welfare), food stamps, things like that. My bf and I had close to nothing when we had our baby, other than we did have a place to live, but we pay rent as well. I was freaked out n scared when I got preg too. But my baby is 2 months old now and we are doing great and my bf and I are rly happy. I'm not going to tell you whether or not you should keep ur baby cuz thats ur decision but I had an abortion b4 to and its worse than labor, I swear to god it is. I'm not trying scare you or anything, but I think you deserve to know the truth, and it will be hard and you will miss it like crazy. Keep your mind open to adoption as well if you decide that you are too young to raise a baby, but can't go through with the abortion, its hard too but you get a sense of satisfaction out of it knowoing your baby will have a great life with people that have always wanted kids but could't do it on their own.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 March 2010):
 The main question is could you live with your decision if you have an abortion? Would you be able to accept it was the right thing to do in the situation, or would you hate yourself forever?
It has to be a decision you can live with - having a huge regret like this potentially could really affect you forever, so this has to be a decision you have to be behind 100%.
I know I personally, aged 18, would of had the abortion. When you are so young you have so much life left to live before you settle down, and you really are not in the right situation to raise a child. You probably dont have a well paying job, or you are still in education, your boyfriend wont be earning much, you dont have a house, you are not married so there is no stable family unit to raise the child - plus your boyfriend could really up and leave at any time whilst you are not married. I honestly believe that you should give a child the best chance possible in life, and that is just not possible aged 18. But this is just how I feel, and I am in no way saying this is the right thing for you.
Keeping the baby with the support of your parents will be ok - you will have to be ready to give up the next 18 years of your life for your child and accept that your life is going to revolve around someone else instead of you being able to achieve everything you wanted to in life. But being a mum will come naturally - I know you dont really like kids now but when it is your own child it is a different matter. Every day will be hard but you will learn as you go along and you will have your parents there to help you - and I'm sure having kids is hugely rewarding as you watch them grow.
Either way there are lots of pro's and cons, so the final decision has to be yours, and it must be a decision you are 100% happy with. There can be no element of doubt, whether you choose to keep it or have the abortion. If you are not 100% certain you want this baby then you will resent it for the rest of its life for taking away your youth, your best years. Whereas if you are not 100% behind the decision to have the abortion then you will spend the rest of your life thinking "what if", thinking about the child you never had and when its birthday would be, what you would say to the child......it would haunt you forever.
Telling your boyfriend will be the easy bit compared to making the decision to keep it or not. Just be honest with him - he has a right to know that you are pregnant, and he has a right to know if you plan to keep it or not. While he has a say in your decision, it has to be right for you too because you are carrying this child and it will affect your life more than his. The maternal bond to a child is much stronger - so if you did keep it then you would be bound to this child forever when realistically he could get up and walk away any time he wants, where he would only have to pay towards the child and see it maybe once or twice a week.
I'm sorry you are in this situation, I cant imagine how hard it is for you. Stay strong and think clearly and logically about this, it is your life before the baby comes into it so you have to make the right decision for YOU, not anyone else. Try and make your decision as soon as possible - if you do go for an abortion you have already missed the 8 week mark where it would have just been tablets, now you will have to go in for a small procedure. The longer you leave it with an abortion the worse it gets, so try and make your decision as soon as you can so you can at least put yourself out of this horrible situation and move on, preparing yourself for whatever is going to happen next.
I hope this helps and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): Hi,
I am somewhat older than you as my profile might relay. Advice is an expensive commodity and I am not one to offer it lightly. You really have to look at yourself and ask some fundamental questions. Do you want to start a family? Because that is effectively what you’ll be doing. Do you love and trust the father of your potential baby? Will he stick by you through thick and thin? What are your aims in life? What are his aims?
Ignoring you current predicament for a moment, why did you form a relationship with your boyfriend? For fun and through a casual esteem or because you thought he’d be an ideal father to your future offspring? I doubt it’s the latter. These questions are far more important than whether or not your principles guide you to keep this baby. At your age, and I by no means want to sound patronising, do you REALLY know what you want? I thought I did at 18 but am now far wiser.
If you keep this child it will irrevocably affect the rest of your life, and life is VERY short. If you choose not to however you will potentially free yourself to endless possibilities, a life without restraint and the freedom to choose when and with whom you are ready to start a family. I wish you well in whatever decision you make.
All the best and good luck
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (26 March 2010):
 Consider adoption as an option as there are so many lovely people out there who are desperate for a baby and are not able to have one for themselves.
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (26 March 2010):
 You have a few options here. For one it's great that your parents would support you. At least you don't have to worry about that.
You say you don't want to have an abortion, you may not have to. You could also give it up for adoption. Like you say you are still young.
The first thing I would do is tell my boyfriend, then my parents. You would be suprised at how people react to things. It may end up being better than you thought and all this worrying would be for nothing.
Just be calm, it's not the end of the world. And it's up to you want to do about this. It is your child.
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