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male
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anonymous
writes: hi im 16 year old male.and ive fell in love with a 29year old woman,we have been getting on so well and i really like her but the age gap doesnt matter to me but to her it dose can u help plz cause i really want to make ago of it with her and i know she doe to but the age gap is her problem what u think? thanxs
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female
reader, Miss life fixer +, writes (27 March 2006):
i think you need to both sit down and descuss the situaation, im 17 and i like my gym trainer and he is 27 and he likes me to but there is the age gap in the way just like it is with ourself and your female friend it doesnt matter about the age aslong as your happy and you respect eachother and know that this could work before you get too far into it dont be worried about your parents if they love you they will want wats best for you and will want you to be happy whatever the outcome. its worth a shot go for it.
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I think that age gap is an issue because it means something different to different people. Whilst it might not be technically statutory rape if she were to sleep with you, some others may find it morally wrong, others may think it is fine. That is what you are dealing with, different people's views on life, love and age.
Whilst you don't think it is a problem, she might and I have listed below some of the reasons it may be an issue to help you understand where she is coming from...
(1) She is nearly 30, you are still a teenager. The thought of her dating someone nearly half her age probably scares her a little.
(2) She is probably thinking about things like children, buying a house, career etc whilst you probably have different short term goals - school, travel, uni, friends...
(3) She might be fearful of what other people think and say (friends, co workers, family, random strangers) - they might call her a cradle snatcher and give her a hard time.
(4) She might be concerned that you might get bored of her and want to experience life with girls your own age. This can be a huge fear for women who date younger men, They think "what if I give him my heart and he decides he wants someone more his own age?"
(5)she may enjoy your company but the maturity difference may be an issue. She may feel that you are a nice guy, a fun guy but perhaps you don't communicate on the same level as she does (not your fault! - just a fact of nature)
Now, there may be other reasons and I'm not saying that these fears are right or wrong, they might just be things she is thinking and feeling.
I think you need to get her to open up about your fears but by the same token, respect that perhaps it is too much for her and something that she isn't interested in.
Remember, you can't force her or change her mind. It is up to her.
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 This is a really sticky situation, usually id say yeah go for it but your 16 years old you should be focusing on your school/study not women. what would happen if you did get together and she feel pregnant? would you be ready to become a father at such a young age all that responsibility? she may be hesitant to go ahead with this is because depending on the country/cummunity she lives in maybe older women dating a younger men is shunned apon by some and she may not want that extra bad attention in other words she is worried about what people in her cummunity and family and friends would say/think.maybe just wait a couple of years, focus on your study then maybe try hook up with her,your both on very different levels in life i really think waiting till your 18 or even 21 would be a good time to start a relationship, waiting that extra time too would also able you to prehaps catch up with her in terms of life experinences and knowledge and understanding. good luck .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2006): It's good that the age gap makes a difference to her as the age gap should make a difference to her. If nothing else, hooking up with somebody so much older can deprive you of life experience that will help you to mature (so if you'd lose her on down the road, you'll be a capable person in your own right). Likely she cares for you enough to have your best interests at heart (which seem to override any selfish interests she could very well have).
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