A
female
age
30-35,
*sh124
writes:Hi, I'm Ashley. My boyfriend is Jose. I'm 15. He is 20. I live in idaho. He lives in Texas. We have been dating for 11 months. We haven't met yet but that's all we talk about. We met over the internet so its kinda hard to say I KNOW him. But I feel like I really do. My parents are fine with us dating "over the phone" but that's not enough. We both love each other more than anything. We have one great thing in common and I think its why we are so loyal and understanding in this relationship. We have both been cheated on in EVERY past relationship. My mom always says "guys are only looking for 1 thing." But I don't agree with that. I think that's just a stereotype. I know that's not what he wants in this relationship. I know he wants a relationship that is faithful, loving, caring, and long lasting. He wants a relationship with someone that he can see 20 years down the road. I want the same thing. I have planned my career and marriage along with how many children I would like to have. I have even picked out names. We have talked amd talked about the future and everything. I KNOW he is the ONE. But my parents is the problem. I asked them what would happen if I saw him in person and they said they would be over protective. Which is understandable. Because they are parents. What do I do to encourage my parents to give him a chance, because they don't see the great things I see.And.. if your gonna post something (rude, insulting, pointless ect.)DON'T your just wasting my time. I need REAL advice. I don't care if you don't like it. :P Thanks, Love Ashley:]
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 January 2010):
 Hi Ash,
While I disagree that it is more dangerous in Texas than it is in Idaho, I wouldn't be sending a 15 year old daughter on a cross country trip to meet an online boyfriend. The situation is dangerous.
One thing doesn't add up. A single guy with a full time job can afford to drive from Texas to Idaho once a year. He will need a weeks vacation to do it. The time required for the trip varies quite a bit. If he lives in Houston and you live in Coeur d'Alene he would need more time. On the other hand if He lives in Amarillo and you in Twin Falls easy. So if he can't afford the trip we start to wonder if he can afford other important things, like a place of his own, and engagement rings. Not that those are important at this stage of the relationship. The first thing is for him to save up for the trip to meet your parents. It is a "proof" that your parents are looking for. It will help prove to them that he is responsible.
I know you don't like this but it is his responsibility as the older member to do the traveling.
FA
A
female
reader, ash124 +, writes (2 January 2010):
ash124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't considered him moving closer to me. But your right about the family not trusting him since its so far away. They say he sounds like a great guy but his age is the bad thing. How do I get my parents to meet him if he doesn't have enough money to come here and my parents refuse to let me go to Texas and see him since "its dangerous in Texas"
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 January 2010):
 Have him come out to Idaho and meet you and your parents for some supervised visiting. If he impresses your parents with his good manners and his intelligence - and he should be on his best behavior - then you can take it from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Your parents should be very protective, as your still of an age where if the two of you had any sexual contact he could go to prison for statutory rape. This is serious, and you need to reach the age of consent before there's any physical relationship. PLEASE BE CAREFUL as you can not grant consent at 15 in most states.Also, please keep in mind, most 20 year olds don't date via the internet, or date 15 year olds... you have to admit this situation is "unique" and subject to some critical thinking and consideration. If the two of you are going to meet, your parents have every right to put some stringent conditions, which are enforced by them. No time alone, no closed doors, supervised... it's going to suck, but we have an adult and a child (sorry- realtity check here) getting together in a romantic context- you have to have more focus on this than if you were 18...You also need to check in with yourself, and make sure that this relationship has developed such that your expectations are not too far out of line- you've already named your child, and you've not met. I find it interesting that you wrote "you" and not "we"... is he part of this dialog or only you.Good luck with this, while the relationship is not typical, it might work, but you two are going to really have to work on it. One thing you need to MAKE SURE OF is that he's going to treat you as an equal and not as a child. Some men, especially those who have had relationships where they were cheated on, can gravitate to younger women because they believe that they are easier to "raise" into a proper wife (insert 'control' here...). This is an unhealthy situation, and it will NOT work, but some guys try it- it will end in divorce as the women grow tried of being controlled. Hopefully he's not in that camp.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 January 2010):
The trouble is that it is so easy for people to lie in a long distance relationship. The other trouble is that in an age difference relationship it is easy for the older person to deceive, mislead, and take advantage of the younger person. As a parent I would be protective too. I know of a similar age difference near me, and the parents are supportive. But thy both live in the same town, so it is hard to hide anything. And, she is 18, So she is more mature than you are.
Now for the "Real advice". Time is the answer. There is no reason you two cannot continue this relationship long distance. The more time he stays interested and faithful the more your parents will trust him. The more good choices you make the more your parents will trust your judgment. The older you get the more they will let you take responsibility for your decisions.
One thing you should consider. Real advice is often something you don't like. Never ask for a person to parrot back the ideas you already have, you won't learn anything.
FA
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female
reader, Memories  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 I understand how difficult it must be for you. My parents would be the same but when you do eventually meet up with him why don't you bring him to your house first so your parents can meet him and know that you're happy with this guy. I know its hard for you to show your parents all the good things about the boy you like when all they do is pick at the negative things about him. Reasure your family that you are happy with him and they should eventually ever be happy for you or will have to deal with it because you're happy. :)
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (1 January 2010):
 For your parents to trust him, they need to get to know him. He should meet your parents and so should you. Have you considered him moving closer to you?
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