A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a abusive relationship and want to get out but i don't know how. I'm 14 and my bf is 18 i have been with him for a year now and have been beaten up 7 times i haven't told anybody about him or what he does and i cant because of a age difference my parent would flip if they knew about us so i want to get out without telling themHow should i leave him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is easy, go to child protective services (or your local version of that) and tell them that you've been in a sexual relationship with this person and he's been abusing you. When you're in a realtionship and there's abuse, it's illegal at an entirly different level- you might was well be married, as even then he couldn't lay a hand on you.He needs to be dealt with by people that have the power to deal with him. it will NOT GET BETTER BY ITSELF. this is one of the myths we tell ourselves about abuse... We say to ourselves "if I do something, he'll change"... Nope, not happening, abusers can't change w/o admitting they have a serious problem. Don't let that he beat you so back that you ended up in a coma be the event that changes his actions.PLEASE GET HELP NOW!
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female
reader, advicegiver  +, writes (15 September 2009):
You should Tell your parents! If you want out they can do something to protect you. Trust me, no one wants to be hit and abused so tell your parents or a trusted adult. Plus what are you doing with an 18 year old.
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female
reader, mercy17  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 I have been there and done that. And i know exactly how you feel. My last partner was emotionally & physically abusive. I stayed with him for a whole year because i thought he loved me. Sure enough i was just his punching bag. But I sought advice from online sites like this one , and finally found the courage to leave his sorry butt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I know you are afraid. An 18-year old who is sexually active with a 14-year old would be considered statutory rape if your relationship includes that. I am sure he wouldn't want to deal with that problem.You are a minor and need adult help if you are fearful of breaking up with him. Talk with your parents. They may be upset initially, but I feel that their main interest would be your personal safety. Seek their help. They may want to involve the police. If you would rather talk with a school counselor, do that. But keep in mind that counselors are bound to report some illegalities like child abuse.I am really worried and anxious about your having been beaten up. Did your parents not notice? What did you tell them? This is against against the law. Did you take pictures? Please let me know what you are doing and how it works out.
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reader, misunderstood1984 +, writes (14 September 2009):
You need to get out of it quick, you have to tell somebody mutual who you can trust, be it a friend or a teacher or someone on here. Dont go through it yourself. IMO I would get the police involved, it would be confidential I think, scum like him should be punished.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): There's honestly no way you can get out of this without someone knowing. This is a serious issue. If you can't confront him about the situation or he's too commanding to do anything about it, then you need to alert proper authority like your parents or the police. Of course he's going to go to jail for being with a minor, as you should have considered before entering the relationship. I've been in a similar situation and witnessed hundreds more that are worse. Trust me when I say that you must get this guy out of your life entirely. Nobody your age deserves treatment like that, nor should any lowlife like your so-called "boyfriend" think that it's right. Let your parents know, get his ass incarcerated properly, and push it from your mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I know it's hard to tell you parents things like that, and yes, they might flip but they love you and can help you in a situation like this. However, if you can't tell them, you need to tell another adult first (trusted teacher, school counselor, pastor, etc.). If you get them involved and make sure they know what has been happening before you leave your bf, it will help having an adult involved.
If you leave him, do it with someone there if at all possible, an adult that can protect you if things get out of hand. It sounds like his temper may get the better of him, and having someone there to witness and help you is safest. He is an adult and you are a minor, so anything sexual you've done together could be held against him, I'm sure he knows this. Not to mention the fact that beating someone up is against the law no matter what the age.
First and foremost you need to keep yourself safe. Talk to an adult and leave this guy before he can hurt you again. After that, don't answer calls or meet him if you can avoid it. If he becomes 'stalker-like' about things, that's cause enough to have the police further involved. I know it's hard, but if you stay in this relationship things won't get better, they'll only get worse.
I'm sure other people will have excellent advice to offer, many of them have been in your situation I'm sure. I don't know exactly what to do to help, but if you need anything else, please message me on here and I'll do what I can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Okay, I know your parents will be mad because of the age difference and because you went behind their back, but that will be the least of their concerns, they will be more worried about your safety.
I think you need to tell your parents and maybe a trusted friend so you can get the support and help you need. He will more than likely get arrested for beating you and if it's not reported by you, then it will be by your parents. Perhaps you don't want that, but he shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he's done to you, and this would prevent him from doing it to other girls in future.
Once you have spoken to them they can help you handle him properly, and not by any member of your family going there and knocking the crap out of him, because that will do more harm than good and they will probably get arrested too, so please try to stress to them that doing that is not a good idea.
This will be a very nerve wracking thing to do but telling them the truth will prevent you from getting more abuse from him and you will have the support you need to be able to leave him.
If you want further and more professional advice before you decide what to do, you can call childline for free on 0800 11 11
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reader, busy04 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Honey...the way for you to leave is to tell someone that can really help you get out of it and the time to do it...is now!
No one walking this earth deserves to be hurt, you are worth more than that. And you are not a punching bag. Don't be concerned about the age difference right now,yes that is a problem but you should be more concerned with your safety, your health & your mental state because what he's doing to you is affecting all of it. And he needs to be put away for that.
I also find it very difficult and I am amazed right now at the fact that this has happened 7 times and you have been able to keep that a secret from your parents. And though you may not want to, you need to tell them, I know they wouldn't want their child in a situation like this. And out of everyone else, they can get you the true help you need.
I will be praying for you.
Best wishes!
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