| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My 13 y.o. son is very active on FB and texting. He is doing well in school and all seems well, aside from slight depression from his mother and I divorcing recently. He has many friends, but seems to have mostly female friends. I do not think it's a problem, as I have "had the talk" and he insists he is not romantically involved, nor does he want a GF right now. He just likes the company of female friends. Well, this one girl who he has been friends with seems a bit closer than usual. I picked him up at an amusement park after he was there with her for several hours (both sets of parents consented). They were pretty close physically as they walked. Body language said "boyfriend/girlfriend" to me. No biggie...a GF is OK with me as long as it is kept under control and supervision. Well, his Mom was snooping on his phone and apparently this girl was sending him sexually explicit texts that were "raunchy" according to my ex. Now, my ex is prudish, so it may be no big deal at all, but I will find out next week.So what do I do if this is true? We have taken the phone away temporarily and I am debating talking to her parents depending on the language. But I could use some additional guidance. We are trying to be somewhat lienient with him because he has had to go through a lot of stress lately, and his grades and activites he is excelling in.
View related questions:
my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I think you need to ask your son what's going on. And see the messages.
I think that 13 yr old kids tend to start to explore their sexuality. Hormones are raging and we just have to make sure to teach them the right way to deal with it.
Hard age to be a kid or the parent of a kid...
A
female
reader, kylieekristina +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I would find out what the texts say before you make any decisions
...............................
A
male
reader, justfriends +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I am not really experience with the parenting aspect so I can't offer you advice on that regard. I can however give you my personal advice with explicit messages. My friend who is also 17 was suspended for a day because his girlfriend sent him some personal picture messages of herself and he showed a few people. this was stupid on his part but at the same time she should have expected this and she as well got in trouble because she is 18. He now has to write a research paper on "sexting" I don't know how this will be done. My Fathers friend has a son at a different school who made a porn film with a foreign exchange student at the girls school and was given only a detention so as far as school is concerned I do not think you need to worry all that much. I like that you trust your son with possibly having a girlfriend and it could be like you said your EX being a prude. Flirting for me is just telling the girl she is beautiful and then I get the text back "you made me blush" or something to that effect. As long as it wasn't sexting I think your son is fine.Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Hi there, have your tried sports? or some kind of activity to take hime out of himself if he is not sporty. This makes sense and it will mean he can see a more positive future despite the divorce. I am sure there is something that he can do with you and your wife (2 separate activities) regularly. Once he has done this a few times he will begin to realise that he still has ' a safety net' that is unbroken it's just different and in fact dynamic.This will get him on track to a good future. Meanwhile you can keep looking at the adolescent sex pressures as a separate issue - but his overall demeanour about life in general will be in a much better head space to do it.I really feel that if I were in your position right now - this would be the best approach to start with.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011):
What did the texts say? I think you have to know that.
I would also ask him about them and how he feels about them and about her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hey Dad, We know that 13 is the curious puberty stage where we have the "talk" etc....so we know he is in the know about the birds and the bees..and then we can't forget the FB generation of kids and the amount of info that is available on sex etc. My suggestion would be if you still have his phone, take a look at the texting....decide for yourself if your instincts tell you that it is harmful or harmless. If you think that it is harmless, then great...let him know that you have seen it etc. But if you think that it might lead to dangerous experimenting on their part, I suggest you have another talk...now you don't want to embarrass him by talking to the girl's parents..that might put a rift in their friendship and might mortify them at 13 years old. See it all depends on the words that were there...at 13 I still had a Barbie...smile. I say, wait till you see the text, follow your instincts, have another chat..let him know that ...hey buddy, let's talk about these messages and what they mean...what is the relationship between you two. I truly believe in being open with children these days....real open. But to have them open up to you....they need to 100% trust you...you talking to the parents, is not going to gain that trust....he will definitely not discuss anything with you ever again. So I say talk to him first....hope that helps..Best Wishes
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Sit him down and explain to him that you dont mind him having a girlfriend but as his father some boundaries need to be set due to recent text messages between him and this girl and that you have every trust in him to follow the decisions that you have put in place
...............................
|
