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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 22 and a virgin. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. My boyfriend and I are at the point where we want to start having sex and my problem is of how ugly my body is and how insecure I am with it. It really bums me out that I can't make him happy and make love with him. I use to be a very very large woman and have lost a huge amount of weight the last couple of years. My body has suffered tremendously because of this. My breasts have become saggy, I have stretch marks all over the place, I still have loose skin on my stomach and thighs, it's really just a mess and I'm way too embarrassed to show my boyfriend what my body really looks like. He knows how big I use to be and how much weight I've lost, but he doesn't know how bad my body actually looks. He knows I have stretch marks on my breasts but he doesn't know how saggy and ridiculous they actually are. He also doesn't know about my loose skin in my stomach and thigh areas. He's been very supportive of everything and really is such an amazing boyfriend to me, but I don't know what to do about this. I really don't think I can show him my body. He understands but at the same time he's upset. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): I'm 22 & a virgin too, and I understand this a lot.
I've put the weight back on, but I did lose a lot of weight and yeah, it does a number on your body!!
I was very unsure of my body, however something I've now learnt is no one as a perfect body.
Sound silly, but we all do it, "o I bet her tummy is flatter than mine" " o I bet she has no stretch marks" when more than likely there looking at you and thinking "I wish I had her legs/boobs/bum"
It's hard to see what other people see on ourselves, your boyfriend sounds like a lovely guy, so I think the answer to this is to talk to him.
It may be a good idea to get comfortable being naked around him and just doing foreplay before you dive in.
I hope that helps
X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): Don't put this pressure on yourself! You are not there for only his pleasure and I am certain there are parts of his body he dislikes to. Sex should be about the two of you actually becoming closer and having fun!
Make yourself feel amazing, buy some new underwear, do your make up or hair or whatever makes you feel extra special and enjoy being with each other.
When you love someone you don't see the bad. I bet your wouldn't name one part or him you dislike because you love him so much; well he would think the same of you. He loves you for who you are and saggy boobs or stretch marks can't make someone stop loving you.
Not many people look perfect with their clothes off, everyone hates something about themselves - even the slimmest of people! So stop panicking and enjoy the fact you two want to be closer and take your relationship further x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): I hear you Hun and as another of several children I ended up feeling very similar about my tummy which had loads of loose skin and stretch marks and my sagging breasts .
I went and got a tummy tuck and have a flat amazing tummy better than before kids ... And guess what ? My husband and I still broke up because he was more interested in lust after perfect 20yr olds in porn so go figure Hun
I can tell you now , I really regret having any surgery even though objectively and by societies standards I know I look 'better' I wish the real me , the me that shows what I've been through in life was here so that if I ever meet someone I would have a true measure of their character and feelings for me by their response .
I don't want another guy who only cares about perfect bodies and the physical and neither should you
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 Im gonna stop you right at this: "can't make him happy".
Woman, come on. It's your body, and it's meant for YOU, not for HIM. It's not about making HIM HAPPY! You are not an object, so stop treating yourself as one.
You want to have sex? You think he's hot? Then go for it. He on the other hand will judge for HIMSELF whether he finds you attractive or not, and clearly: he gives you the thumbs up. All this stuff about worrying about if he will like you, whether you can "make him happy" or not is bullshit. It doesn't belong anywhere.
The question is simply: do you think he's hot, and do you want to sleep with him? Yes? Then that's all you need to know. Oh and sure, the lovey dovey people will insist that you need to have feelings for each other as well, but that's up to each and their own in my book. Sounds like you guys are in a good and healthy relationship though, and have taken your time to get to where you are and want to take things to the next level, so I don't see a problem there.
Now, I'll read the rest of your post and see if there's anything else I want to add.
Ah, okay, I suggest you just take it slow and show him one part of your body after the other. Show him the part you are least worries about first, then the next etc. See his reaction. Let him touch you. Just go with the flow. I think once you see his reaction to different parts of your body, you will become more relaxed about getting completely naked one day. You don't have to take it all off in one go! You can take it in steps and work your way there at your own pace. But just so you know.. a body is just a body. Firm skin, freckles or loose skin. It's still skin. A body is a body, it's not any more complicated than that.
I know, I have a very strange view on humans. It's as if Im an alien who just landed on earth and haven't grasped the social structures yet. I take things as I see them. To me, a body is just a body, nothing more or less. So you have stretch marks and loose skin.. I say "so what"? What's the fine print that I can't read here? Because I don't see why your body being the way it is should be such a negative thing. You've told yourself it is negative, and so thing becomes your truth in life. But just as easily you can tell yourself it is a positive, and then this will become your truth in life. I think I am gorgeous, and thus this is what I am. Quite simple, really. Love your body, it's a blessing to be alive. Enjoy everything your body has to offer you in life, and take big bites out of all the happiness you can find! Don't be afraid to be happy.
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