A
male
age
41-50,
*omopu
writes:I was seeing a woman for four years and we were living together. She did not want to be in a relationship but we were very good friends and were having sex. We would go on holidays together, shop together, etc but she did not want a steady relationship. I was madly in love with her and just continued in the hope she would change her mind. Unfortunately when she did change her mind she stopped spending time with me and a few months later met someone else. She was still friendly towards me but that was it. I was gutted and when she moved in with him she broke off our contact completely.I was thinking about her daily for nearly 2 years. Every time I had a relationship I would compare them to her. Now, 10 years later, I am in another relationship but occasionally I still think about her and keep wondering about what could have been. Last night I dreamed about her and I woke up feeling utterly depressed. Obviously I can't mention this to my girlfriend. I don't want to think about her any more and I want to be able to give my girlfriend all my attention but I can't stop. If anyone has any ideas please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Tell your girlfriend. I know scary thought right. You don't have to divulge all the details, but you can tell her about your past, how you felt, and how bad it felt knowing the relationship ended leaving you with all these feelings which is why you think you had the dream. If your girlfriend gets insecure, tell her to stop and just say to her. "Look I know you might feel this way but it's not my meaning to make you feel bad. I just feel being honest will help me connect with you more instead of keeping it a secret inside."
My husband doesn't always like to tell me things. How he feels. What he's feeling. I'll tell you though despite not always liking certain feelings I'm happier knowing he trusts me with his feelings and it makes me want to help him instead of just feeling unloved on certain issues he deals with.
Hope this helps.
As for your relationship with this past love. You need to stop feeling as though you weren't good enough and driving yourself crazy with what could have been. You will spend your life pining away for something that wasn't there to begin with. It might have been for you but wasn't for her as it's obvious the feelings you felt for her weren't reciprocated.
You need to let it go and move on. Men are funny I think sometimes and stubborn when it comes to letting things go, especially when it's something they couldn't or can't fix. Trust me you will be happier if you just enjoy the life you are living right now and chalk your old flames decision not being with you as her loss.
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