A
male
age
51-59,
Anonymousmale1
writes:Weekly I get e-mails from around the globe and recently I noticed a spike in the topic of being heartbroken. Going through heartbreak is one of the most excruciating things anyone has ever had to go through and regardless of if it's your first time or 5th time, it still hurts like hell. I was once told that there are things worse than death, being in love with someone who no longer loves you is one of those things.There is not much anyone can say to make things better, the pain remains and the only real cure is time. One of the main reasons I continue to write this blog is to load women with as much information as possible about men, hoping that you will be able to identify, respond, and adjust to any changes he may attempt to put you through before it begins. Hopefully this way, you can either correct the behavior or get out with your heart intact or at the least lessen the pain because you were able to end the relationship on your own terms.I've suffered heartbreaks, (yes, men get hurt too) we generally don't show it as much as women. We tend to suffer in silence. So for any of you ladies that are going through this right at this moment I understand your pain and anguish.I know what it is like to feel as though you cannot breath, to want to scream at the top of your lungs, but you feel no one will hear you. I've been there, days when I couldn't eat or sleep, when every little thing that you hear or see reminds you of better days. Days when the world was alright, with you and your significant other.I too have to admit that I have had those fantasies that something happened to me just to make her have to show she still cared by coming to the hospital to see me. I know these feeling and any other feelings you might have endured or are enduring right at this moment.Music and aromas are the worst when trying to get through the pain. Just when you think that you may be alright, that you just may live another day a song comes on the radio and takes you back through the whole process again. Or worst yet, someone walks past you wearing that special fragrance and it hits you like a ton of bricks and you want to die all over again.This is a part of love that we cannot escape, it's bound to happen to us all at least once in our lifetimes. After the second time I went through this I had two choices, I could grieve over a dead relationship ( it was my fault anyway) or I could embrace the pain and see it for what it really was. I chose the latter of the two. I chose to embrace it, because to do so I was embracing life and it's lessons cruel as they may be.Whenever you've had your heart broken you should rejoice, why? Because you have shown you are capable of loving someone and the pain you feel is only temporary and it's there to show you that you are alive. When it's over and your heart is healed, reflect back on it and use this as a tool for all future relationships. You will be glad that you did, I was.The one thing that I pray never happens to any of you that go through this situation is hardening of the heart. I think that it is a shame when anyone evolves into this type of person. It's sad and it's wrong to allow anyone to hurt you and then cause you to refuse to love again for fear of being hurt again. Some people simply grow callous over their heart and regardless of who the potential new mate may be he can never penetrate the surface of her heart and she misses out on possibly meeting the right guy. He could be the guy that was destined to be her soul mate, but by choosing to close off her heart he can never get in.I've met women like this over the years, they don't trust, don't believe and refuse to think that anyone can be true to them. What they really fail to understand is that the man that hurt them, he's still controlling their behavior long after he left and that's a shame. Generally this happens to people who chose to love someone more then they love themselves. To do this is wrong to begin with, true love begins with being able to love thy self first and never loving anyone more than that, for you are special. Loving yourself is a true sign of self respect and confidence.We live, we love, we win and sometimes we lose. Regardless of the outcome it is still better to have once loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.So now before I bore you to death, lets get started on why I am writing this post to begin with. For you and your friends who may need this, here are 10 Things to help you get over a broken heart.One: Breath. This may sound silly but when you love someone and they stop returning the love it can be difficult to do the simple things in life. When things get bad and in the beginning they most surely will, just remember all you have to do is breath and you'll make it to the next day.Two: Try as best you can to keep your personal business just that, personal. When you tell friends and family too soon about your break-up they tend to get involved and at times they without knowing it can appear uncaring. Especially when they tell you, "Get out there and meet someone else." Before you are ready, or try to set you up with someone. Blind dates are the worst, especially when no one tells you and you are expected to hold conversation with someone you've just met and your mind is really miles away.Another reason to keep your business personal is that until you know if it's a permanent break-up or not it's best you keep your thoughts to yourself. Too many times do women out of frustration say the wrong thing about their ex only to take him back a few days later. The problem is that in your moment of pain and frustration you told a friend and now she may have told several other people within your group and now secretly (although they won't tell you) you're considered a fool for taking him back.So keep your thoughts to yourself until you determine if it's really over or not. It's really embarrassing when you tell someone something really hurtful about your ex and then you two get back together and it gets back to him. That's not cool at all.Also, avoid any of his friends that comes to so called check on you during this time. They only want two things, one is to possibly take advantage of your weakened state or to run back and feed him information on you. Either one is not good for you right now.** Important** Always remember a secret is something we tell our best friends only. However, what happens when our best friend has a best friend, who has a best friend and so on. Get the picture? So keep secrets to yourself and you'll never have to worry about it getting out.Three: Get out and get a change of scenery. Don't lock yourself in your bedroom or in your apartment for that matter. Get out and do something, anything as long as it's healthy. Try running or going to the gym. It's easy to forget things when you're busy doing something else. Change the places you used to go with you ex. If there was a certain mall, restaurant, bar or park that you two frequented, find another one just for you. New places with new faces are always good.Four: Find a new friend, someone you know but not that well. Someone who does not know your ex or what you're going through. Your close friends, although they try to help, sometimes they make things worse during this period. Have you ever had that girlfriend who always said that she didn't like your ex to begin with? It doesn't help you or your heart to hear her gloat over the fact that she feels that she was right about him all along, does it? I know she's trying to make you feel better but this is simply not the right time or the message you need to hear. A new friend, someone you already know but haven't hung out with would be nice during this time. Even if you two just go to a mall or dinner in a place of her choice (because she was not in your traveling circle before) will be good because she probably knows many people and she'll introduce you to them. Meeting new people is always good during this time, seeing old friends brings back too many memories. Also, your new friend will not be able to give you any negative comments about your ex because she didn't know him. It could drive you crazy talking to old friends because now that you and your ex are no longer together everyone feels the need to tell you a secret they knew about him. Some friends huh? Why didn't they tell you this before it could have saved you some heartache.** Resist getting a new male friend. It can make for a awkward friendship and cause more damage then needed. Especially if he feels the need to comfort you and in the end it starts something that you really don't need at this point, another relationship. This could also cause irreparable damage to your other relationship which may or may not be completely over. If you're confiding in a man about your ex, you can bet it will be permanently off if you ex finds out.Five: Visit parents and family. They will know when you arrive that something is wrong, however they will probably wait until you are ready to talk to them. They also know that there is a chance that you two may get back together so they will refrain from saying anything negative about him. Also, during this time the love that they show you will help you get back on your feet quickly.For me it was my older brother, he always had something to say that would make me think things through and place me on the path to recovery.Once when I was in college, I discovered that my girlfriend who was at a different college was dating someone else. I was crushed. I couldn't eat, sleep and I was miserable. My brother came to my room where I was acting as though I was watching TV, but in reality I was sulking. He asked me this question and I'll never forget it: " Was she your wife?" I stated no. He went on to say, "Man, these things happen to people who are married and sleep in the same bed each and every night, she's just your girlfriend." "What makes you so special that it could not happen to you?" He went on to remind me that I hadn't seen her in close to a year, then he ended by telling me this, "Women have needs, wants and desires and if you are not there to fulfill them someone else will." I had never thought about how our separation might have effected her, I had only thought about myself. Hell she had a life to live too, with or without me. I felt better, I was still crushed but that conversation started my recovery.Six: Do all the things you wanted to do that he wouldn't do with you or refused to allow you to do. Embrace your emancipation you are free, begin to act like you are free and you'll start to see just how much you've been missing. Whatever it is, if you want to, then go do it. As long as it's healthy and doesn't hurt anyone, especially you. Oh, by the way try to resist radical changes such as dyeing your hair green or getting a tattoo on you face, changes this radical will make people wonder if you've lost your man and you mind. Also refrain from excessive spending to sooth your heart. It may feel good, that is until the bills start to roll in. Then you have created a new problem.Seven: Take a trip. Go for a drive to a different town and visit people you haven't seen in years. If you have the money and vacation time go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Use this time to get to know yourself. We don't spend enough me time, in relationships we spend so much time catering to our significant other that somewhere along the lines we forget about who we are. We forget about our own needs and the things we once liked to do, now you can go do those things once again.Eight: Get a pet if you don't have one. Small dogs are really good as well as kittens. They will help keep you entertained and keep you company. They will also take up some of that misplaced love that you've been giving away to someone who was undeserving. Dogs know when you're upset and there's nothing like coming home to someone who needs you, and receiving unconditional love. That's what we are all seeking right? Unconditional love, real dogs could teach men a lot about how to love, don't you think? Cats are great too, they are less affectionate then dogs in most cases but they still love to be scratched and petted and they like hugs just as much as you do. If you chose to do something like this, I would highly suggest looking at a animal shelter for the right pet for you. There are many pets who want and need the same thing you do, love. Unfortunately we destroy too many in this country on a daily basis. Save one and you'll have a friend for life. (This is only if you've always wanted one and have the time for one.)Nine: Take up writing. Write a blog about anything you'd like. It's therapeutic and you can meet lots of people worldwide. You can also use it to voice out your frustrations, you'll be surprised how many people both men and women are going through the same situation as you. A blog is an inexpensive way to be heard, costs you nothing to own one. You can talk about anything you want and get great feedback and honest opinions from around the globe. Trust me when I say that at times it can be quite addictive. Hey, but I could have worse addictions, right?Ten: Dive into your work. Take your extra time and focus on getting that promotion you've always wanted. Keep busy at work and time will fly. look for more things to do at work to keep your mind occupied, help others and yourself at the same time. Work can be a great stress reliever, especially if you like your work. Before when you were in a relationship you probably couldn't wait to get off, now you can get back into work, enjoy it and improve your skills as well.At the end of the day these things may or may not help you. We are all different in the way we grieve, isn't that what we do when we're heartbroken? We grieve for a dead relationship that may or may not have been a horrible one to begin with. I've seen women cry over men that they meant absolutely nothing to. This brought me to the following conclusion, is our heartbreak really about love when and if the relationship was actually a bad one anyway, or is it really about change and fear of it?Why else would we sit at home late at night looking at our phones, trying to will it to ring from a person who was no good for us to begin with. Could it actually be that we've become conditioned to expect and do certain things and with a certain person and when that person removes him/herself, we fear the changes that we will have to make without these people whom we've become so accustomed to being with? Just a thought.Regardless of what I've written here, the only thing that will really heal your broken heart is time. You may not agree with what I suggested above but it's OK, if you made it to this point in this post I accomplished my objective. That was to take you away from whatever was bothering you, a break-up, heartache, frustration or whatever for the amount of time it took you to read this. Proving for that amount of time your mind was preoccupied with thoughts other than the pain that you may be suffering. It felt good I'm sure, although brief, this should show you that by keeping busy during this time will help your heart heal. Keep busy and time will move quickly and before you know it this whole thing will be nothing but a distant memory. I hope you believe that, because it's really true.
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a break, at work, best friend, confidence, crush, get back together, heartbroken, money, period, soulmate, tattoo Reply to this Article
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Reliable, to the point, AnonymousMale1 your writing is perfection!!
Thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): your insights in your writing are utterly superb. My view is that we only slowly reveal every facet of ourselves during the course of a relationship. Those in love continue to discover more delights about a person they love. But often people reject a person so early that they have hardly had time to discover 10% of the true worth of the person they are rejecting. So to discover early that they have failed to discern the depths of the qualities in the other person is a blessing. The rejected person can now rejoice in the fact that the rejecter has identified a complete inability to see the true worth of the person they reject. Thus saving the rejected person years of wasted time with the rejector.
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A
male
reader, Anonymousmale1 +, writes (26 January 2010):
Anonymousmale1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the nice remarks and you are right it is quite long, ha, ha. However, the good thing is that most who take the time to read it will have that amount of time to stop hurting by focusing on the article.
I am glad that it made you feel better. And trust me when I tell you that you will get over this, all it takes is time. Time heals everything. Oh, and please remember that "No one really dies from a broken heart", it's simply natures way of reminding you that you are alive.
When your heart is finally healed and you meet the right guy for you, you'll forget that you suffered through this type of pain. The heart knows many emotions and it doesn't have a memory. When your real love arrives it'll be better than you ever thought it could be.
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Your post is for people who desperately want to move on because it's too long that only the eager one can finish it.LOL just kiddinganyway, I really like what you said here. Although I doubt it myself I can do all the 10 things, but to be honest you made me feel better. The things you said here is to me very true.I feel for me the reasons why I grieve for this person (my ex)is because I just got used to him being around. I got used to have him as the only person who constantly fills up my phone inbox, my call logs. And now, not a ring, not a message. It hurts. I could cry all day.I don't know too if I really loved him coz to be honest, I don't feel anything if he is sick or has trouble with money. I don't feel any sympathy for him other than what he feels for me. On that part I doubt what my real feelings are for this guy who is now my ex.So I guess then, and I agree that you are right..maybe it's not him I am grieving about? It's because of the fear to be alone. The fear to experience a change in my life.I wish I can get through this. I don't wish anything. If only I had known how being in a relationship feels, I would've stayed single. The pain is unbearable.But atleast this article made me feel better.
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