A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everyone.Well, here I am, one day before the first anniversary of the day that my first love broke my heart. And I don't really know how to feel.Our relationship was long distance, lasted 2 years and we met up 13 times over that course of time, sharing a week or two together on each occasion, in either her hometown or mine, and on a couple of occasions - camping, and a holiday to Cuba. She remains the only girl I have ever loved.Over the course of the first 9 months after the break-up, we went through a phase of talking now and again which usually resulted in me experiencing feelings of withdrawal, and generally missing her like crazy. We haven't spoken for a while now, and these past couple of weeks leading up to this time I have found relatively easy. Admittedly I started to think of her earlier on when I accidently read that she has now gone on holiday somewhere, which coincidentally she did a few days after breaking up with me last year (it was pre-booked).I still think about her a lot, and still struggle to believe that it didn't work out in the end. That said, circumstances would have been much too hard to endure, but purely because of everything we had together, it has been something I have never really been able to accept. The fact that I haven't found somebody as beautiful nor as fun as her doesn't help. I've had one relationship since her and it lasted a pathetic 3 weeks. Whenever I consider how long we have been apart now, it makes me fear for the future that I haven't gotten into anything close to what she and I had together.I guess that is what this is all about. I haven't met anybody since her. And I so want to. Even if it is just to convince me that there are better things to come, and more good times to be had. But until I find somebody I connect well with, and can't see myself accepting that. I am hoping to go to University in September, which I hope will lead to only good things, in both life itself and my love life.Any advice you can give would be good. I know this hasn't been much of a question, so I will try and make it one. Here goes...1 year on since heartbreak, and I haven't yet found anybody... Should I be worried, and how can I feel better?
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male
reader, Manximus  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Hi there.I have been in your situation before, so can relate to your post in many ways.As it has been a while since you did break up and you are starting to find things easier, but the memories remain at the forefront of your mind. You are starting to get the closure that you have needed.What you had with her is unique and you should never have that again, because each relationship is different, as is the person. You will find happiness again and you will find true love eventually. You have learned to love and respect, something that many people throw away. But to some people, they treasure it forever.Each failed relationship should be looked at as a learning experience. I had a marriage which lasted for 8 years and never thought I would love anyone in the way that I loved her. After we split, I was looking for love and would try to love almost every girl I dated since, but I don't think you can find love if you actively look for it. I felt like I would never meet anyone who would love me like I loved them.What I would advise you is to take a step back from yourself and start to see your life without a relationship. Once you feel happy that you are single, then I think you will be fully ready to be in a relationship. I mean, how can you make somebody else happy if you are not happy within yourself. Start enjoying yourself and spending time doing the things you love to do. Become happy inside, you will be smiley and people will see that and can become drawn to you.I met my present partner in my local pub, which was the last place I expected to find love. It was a karaoke night, where I went every week. That was my night with my friends, but it changed my life. She turned up with some of her friends and we got chatting. We were interested in all the same things and both have a true passion for singing.The way I see it, love is like your car keys. If you lose them, you will never find them by looking, even if they are right under your nose. You need to take a step back, stop looking and then they will seem to find you. Good luckMx
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