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anonymous
writes:Last week I was watching a documentary about mistakes by social services involving a family who had their 3 kids taken away from them in the UK (we have a really crap system in Britain in that if there was a mistake by social services, the parents still never get to see their kids). What's the point in having kids if no matter how much love you give them, these evil people take them away? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinkie67 +, writes (5 March 2009):
 my story is long and complicated. I have 5 lovely kids, most grown up now. When i had my fifth child, in 1998, things went down hill. I had carbonmonoxide poisoning when he was born. I had probably been poisoned whilst preganant, as my ex hubby didnt want to pay a corgi fitter to conect the fire, so it wasnt conected to the flu. I was so ill, i nearly died. My mum was doing her best. My baby was constantly crying. I made the mistake in asking for help. My baby was then in and out of foster care, because i was so ill. Things got beeter, i married again, had my little boy back. But my husband turned into a alcoholic bully, who beat me, and raped me, mentally abused me. I became so low, i took a overdose, was in hospital, my two youngest were put into care, as i was getting better, social services said we will gradually bring them back, help you. But because the foster carers were on goin on holiday, they just brought them back, i was still unwell, but getting stronger. To be honest i was terrified of havint them back so soon. there routine was differeht in the months they had been away. I managed quite well on there return. But the next problem arises, my neighbours were all out in the streets drinking, fighting, setting there sheds, cars on fire. My youngest was terrified, he was 3 then. My oldest lad was coursing trouble, police allways ay my door. Being single mum was hard, under the circumstances. But one day, in august, few weeks after there return, i was out with the kids, watching them play, i needed the toilet, neighbours said they would watch my youngest. on my return, he was gone, the panick, i called the police, he was found on the prom, someone in the shop said a blond man had him. To this day i believe someone did take him. as a three year old, with learning difficulties, could not cross to busy main roads. Social services came, said let the little one go into care until the summer term hols are over, the trouble in the street would carm down. I agreed, few days later a court order slapped in front of me. I fought so hard in the courts. In 2005, the final hearing, i had contact with my little boy, but supervises. I got my self together to fight for him, but i lost my case. The social dervices dug up everything, from my childhood, because my dad had been violen that was bought up. they really digged the dirt, infact it made me look terrible. My other kids remained with me, but not my little one. he was placed with a 63 year old lady, in a village. The judge told social services, this was to remain his permanant home, but i could try 2 years later for him. the old lady couldnt cope with my boy, after 18 months, she said she was to old. I was still trying to get him back, i was refused leagal aid. Then he was placed with another family, and also in respite oncea month. I had contact 4 times a year, supervised, i was so angry, i had seen alcoholics win cases, have unsupervised contact. i won more contact, still supervised, if i hugged my boy, i was over powering, if i didnt, i didnt love him, i couldnt win, my little boy constantly asking me, can he come home. My other kids got upset on the visits, when we had to say goodbye. My little boys social workers were horrible, the sesional worker supervising watced our every move. We couldnt breathe. Last year his social worker said to me, your little boy only wants you when you bring gifts. Iv made the decision to stop contact last year, until he is 16, im heartbroken, I miss him every second, iv moved away, new start, but my heart is aching so bad for my little boy, hw will be 11 this year, will he ever contact me, forgive me. I feel i was punished for being ill. My kids were well fed, a lovely clean house, they were never hurt, but social services said they suffered metal abuse, if that was the case, why was only one taken from me, why not all. when we have kids, they are not born with a manuel, we all make mistakes, parenting is a learning curb. But we manage. But i feel today social services should concentrate on the real cases, which pop up on the news. Real abuse. Iv witnessed so many kids in my old town, in desperate need of socialservices, but nothing happens. But my kid was taken of me cause i was ill, i needed practical help, thats all. .
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): I'm sorry that there is still so much pain caused by over enthusiastic professionals. It really is a hard job, if they get it wrong a child could die. But if they get it wrong they could also break up a happy family.
My best advice is always to work as closely as you can with your doctor, health visitor and try to find as many sympathetic professionals on board as you can. Contact a friendly school teacher that knows your children. Try to keep the professionals updated about your situation and tell them if you have any problems before they find out from someone else.
To take a child away takes many professionals, but the social services usually have the final say. I have been lucky enough to go to a case conference. Even though the mother did not turn up, all the professionals were thinking about her welfare as well as her child's and refused to make a decision without her being there. The doctor, the father, the father's family, the health visitors. Every one worked so hard to work out a solution that did not involve her losing the baby, even though she was leaving the poor toddler at home alone for many hours. I've seen for myself the amount of work some professionals put in. I've seen health visitors fight to keep drug abusers, but loving parents, to fight their way to health and keep their children. I've also seen children taken away despite recommendations.
Try to make friends with the professionals. Allow them into your life, treat them as part of your support network. Let them get to know you and get them on your side. This is the best advice I can give. But it won't work if they are unsympathetic, lazy or don't give a damn about you or your family....
Sorry.. Life is really hard. I feel so sorry for parents nowadays, especially mothers and fathers who find themselves in challenging situations...
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female
reader, lisa100 +, writes (29 September 2008):
there is no point in having kids sometimes ive had my daughter taken of me just cause ive got personality disorder social services kids from the parents that love there kids but the ones that neglect there kids usually end up keeping theres its so unfair
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess life isn't fair
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): I do understand eddie these rules are here for the protection of children, I have an injunction to stop my ex from being able to come anywere near my child, The childrens board would have taken her if he hadnt gone, his new wife has lost all 4 of her children because of his violent behaviour... mistakes are made but very sadly not always put right and i do realise they cant be everywere and always do the right thing, and again you are right what are the alternatives
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reader, eddie  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 You're really throwing the baby out with he bath water here. Rules are there to protect kids. This mat be an example of something gone wrong. This happens in EVERY aspect of life. You can't truly believe that this happens often. It's a bad thing and mistakes should be corrected. What is the alternative though?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hi Hun,
This is a subject very close to my heart, My lovely friend who had terrible problems with an abusive partner ended up in hospital because of the awfull abuse. They gave him the children as because of her mental health issues she was so called unfit to care for the children, She was even more ill due to the fact of this happening and could not understand why as it was him the violent bully who had all the rights. She went through court but nothing, and at that time police would do nothing in a domestic case....
She moved on as best as she could remarried had two more children and was a wonderfull mother, still trying to see her other children which she did get a court agreement allowing this but her ex was so nasty he promised for them to see her and wouldnt turn up not only hurting her but the children as well, As I had seen her with the children both of the children crying because they wanted to be with mummy and couldnt understand why they were not allowed.
Unfortunatly last year after so much pain and heartache with the childrens board she killed herself as she in the end believed herself to be a bad mother. And I no this to be totally untrue she was a lovely mother who did everything in her power to make her children happy and they couldnt have been cared for better, not one social worker was there for her when she needed it most she only had me to lean on and cry to, it was the most horrific sad and lack of justice I have ever seen and never want to witness again. HUNNY I NO WHERE YOUR COMING FROM TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXX
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reader, Jamer70 +, writes (15 July 2007):
 calling social services "evil" in my opinion is an overstatement. i didnt watch this docementry but Britian has a documented population of 60 million. For an underfunded overwork system to try and watch all these families is a hell of a job.A the reality is that they will make mistakes, rarely but they do. These people are human and its bad but true. But for these mistakes there are usually 20/20 other successes that no-one ever talks about. Why? its not good news.As for having kids. In my opinion its our nature to pro-create. There are 1000s of reason that ill leave to people with kids but there are reasons why.
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