A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been together with my girlfriend for 2 years and we lived together for 8 months and she recently told me that she wanted me to leave because she felt we should be apart for a while till we are more grown up. She just most recently told me that she thinks we should both be single but i asked her if that means that we should look for other people and she said no she still loves me more then anything and she won't go looking for someone else she just wants time to be free for a while and she wants to see if maybe someone else comes along and if not then she wants to wait till we both are more grown up. i just don't know what to do i mean i don't mind waiting to get back to starting a real relationship with her but she told me about how she doesn't wanna see me because she's worried that if she does then when i leave she will cry and miss me but she still loves me and wants to be single and its throwing me off i mean what if we do see each other then does that mean that i can't sleep in the same bed or do stuff in bed with her and hug or kiss her anymore how i used to? what should i do? i really love her and want it to always be that way and i wanna live with her forever. what should i do and what am i doing wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): It sounds to me like your girlfriend feels that she is too young to know what or who she really wants.
This is not really a reflection on you or that you did something wrong.
Chalk it up to immaturity, it is immature actually to live together without being engaged and planning on marrying.
It does not make a relationship last or make it better by practicing before marriage. If anything, it drives it apart.
The reason being is that true love is commitment. You have to be a person worthy of love, someone who is willing to put the needs of the other above their own. Love is not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, they are subjective, they change: often. So true love stands the test of time because it is a conscious decision to be committed to BE a person worthy of love.
Your girlfriend is not ready to make that kind of commitment to anyone. She wants to be free to date other men because she doesn't know yet who she is or what kind of partner she wants.
I think it is time to let her go. Do not beg to get back together, let her know you accept her decision to break up. Do not accept this we are dating other people and if no one else better comes along then maybe you will do. Cut all contact. Give her what she wants, which is to be rid of you. If after some time has passed, she comes back to you, then maybe you will both see that this is meant to be. Don't count on it though. You both are very young and have a lot of changes to go through. What works now and who fits now may be all wrong in a couple of years.
So don't feel badly and be depressed. When one door closes, remember another one always opens.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Some times girls say things just to test a guy she might be trying to see if you would just leave her and find someone else i think you should give her some space and see what happens
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A
male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 This is only my opinion but it sounds like she's met someone but isnt sure sure if its going to go anywhere. Who owns your home ? If it isnt in her name only i would agree to parting for a while but change the locks and pack her bags beforehand. She wanted a break.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Stop worrying so much about what you're doing wrong. If her attraction to you is fading, then you being clingly & apologetic is the last thing that you should be doing. Sometimes people just grow apart or change their feelings. Sometimes there is nothing specifically wrong with what the other person is doing.
If you want to split up, then you need to agree on some clear rules about what will and will not be done (other people.) Is it not okay to date others? Or is it okay? What about sleeping with others? You need to have this stuff spelled out to each other.
DO NOT assume she automatically wouldn't hook up with another guy just because you wouldn't bang another girl in her place. She is the one who wants this split-up, so she is obviously more willing to look at other people than you already.
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