A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been away for two days and my boyfriend didn't meet me at the train station on my return. The train station I was getting off at was a 10 - minute drive from his house. As I was close to home, he claimed he had a headache and therefore wasn't in a fit state to drive and meet me. I wasn't too miffed off by this but when my Mum knew of this, she was appalled and said he his heart isn't serious enough as he won't do a small thing. It was also too much of a coincidence but he has always had random health complaints every now and again. I wasn't too happy since and when I told my boyfriend this reason, he flipped and claimed that it was totally true and explained that it was caused by the wet weather and a cold coming on. To me, it is rubbish! His answers were hesistant too. At the moment, my Mum is still convinced that he is manipulating my feelings for him (even though, as all my friends agree, his feelings to me are far stronger) and that he is a waste of space and useless as a long-term partner. I cannot carry on in a relationship where I cannot fully trust him but I am fed up with my Mum's interpretations/reasons on his actions, the way I take her words so seriously and my sort of dis-belief of how he feels for me. Even a year on! I still have feelings for him, and want to be happy again. What can I do about Mum's comments and why do I respond this way? What can I do about him? Please help to clear my confusion and upset. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I think your mom is being ridiculous and I'm sorry but it makes me wonder what kind of relationship/marriage she is in. you're not a damsel in distress, you're a big girl you can get yourself home from the train station if your bf isn't feeling well.
she isn't going to stop her comments because that's just how she is: she's judgmental, believes everyone should behave according to her rules, and sees it as within bounds to intrude into other people's relationships.
You need to grow a backbone and not let your mother define your reality for you. You were neutral about the situation until she started putting her own negative spin on it then you became upset at your bf.
I think you should not have taken this up with your bf using your mom's words against him. Now he will feel that he's in a relationship that involves 3 people - you, him, and your mom. That's unfair to him.
also try to see things from his perspective. How would he feel about you and the relationship, if he felt that you have no sympathy for him and he was forced to do things for you despite feeling sick otherwise you will condemn him? he wouldn't feel that he was in a very loving relationship would he?
it sounds to me like you're very insecure if you're quick to put negative interpretations on your bf's actions. Maybe you also need to learn to think for yourself more and develop more confidence in your own judgments and not always defer to authority figures. in the end, to me your bf has done nothing wrong. You're making yourself unhappy.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 July 2012):
 HiIf you didnt arrange for him to pick you up then whats the big deal, even if you did, he didnt feel well. You were only gone 2 days,not 2 years,you live close to the station.Not letting you know he wasn't going to meet you,if he planned to, is wrong though,is that what happened?.If your mum thinks hes not for you its merely her opinion, she has to let you make your relationship choices,your an adult. Just tell her this,you dont need to fall out, just set bounderies.Its all got way out of proportion.Dont ask anyones opinion,listen to your heart and gut feelings about him, thats all that matters.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 If he was supposed to pick you up and he didn't and he didn't let you know in advance and just left you stranded I don't care if you live next door to the train station that's wrong.
IF he does it consistently, then there's an issue.
I gotta tell you, IF i told someone I was going to pick them up at a transportation center... I'd do it.
IN fact, an interesting note: my fiance the first time he came to visit me was confused and got off at the wrong train station... I had to go from one to the other in rush hour traffic during a ball game... it took me over an hour to get to him... I was panicked at the thought of him being stranded in a train station....
as for your mum, if you are 26-29, I think you have the right to say "mum, I'm an adult and I know you love me and care about me and worry about me but, I want you to trust that you did a GREAT job raising me and I can navigate the relationship ocean at this point on my own. I am going to ask you to PLEASE keep your opinions of my boyfriend to yourself. I PROMISE if I need advice I will come and ask"
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I really think your mum is kind of making this into a bigger deal then it needs to be made into, when your not feeling well you don't feel like going out of the house, and I certainly don't think you want to feel like driving, I think if you love him and want to be with him, you trust him that he wasn't feeling that way, and your mum will just be saying all this to protect you at the end of the day - thats what their, their to do. In her eyes she might think its a bit fishy, but I really do think you just need to trust him, its not like its a massive deal that he didn't come and meet you.
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