A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I thought about getting back into the dating scene but I might meet the guy of my dreams my soul mate but I don't want to have anymore children.I have three and I have experienced a hard time with their fathers. My oldest daughter and son share the same dad and he was horrible I have never seen a person in my life who would treat their kids like he did.My second daughter her father was a great provider but I had to leave him because he was a drug/alcohol abuser I didn't want that around my kids.But now I have moved to another state and I want a relationship but I don't want any children.I am not blaming no one for my mistakes but I don't want to bring another child in the world with no father Plus I don't have patience any more to raise them.I have been sex-free for ten years now and if it takes more time this is what it will be I want to get my tubes tied but I have no insurance and I just made up my mind I won't be in a relationship until my tubes are tied. What can I do to put my life back together?:(
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Hi
At your age - if it's correct on here, the average man will not expect you to want or have more children.Lots of men are in the same situation as you too,had their children,divorced and don't want more.
Its different when your in your 20s,people are much more likely to be looking for their life partner to settle and have a family with.
Your in a different ball-game now,dating for love and companionship rather than having a family together.
Your doing great,you made choices and have gone with them.It is time for you to get back out there,so, when it comes to time for sex,use birth control till you can be steralised.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Understand your desire to avoid raising another infant at your stage in life, but I'm a little concerned that you seem to equate your negative feelings about having more children to previously picking losers for baby daddies. Your problem isn't that you had children, it's how you made them. Don't blame the results for the cause; your kids didn't pick their fathers, YOU did!However I don't see your reluctance to have more children as being an issue in starting to dating again. Any guy your age you meet is likely to also have adolescent or grown children and would almost certainly be similarly disinclined to raise another kid from scratch, and given your stated age group one may safely presume any reasonable male would privately guess that your biological clock has stopped ticking.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Seems to me your life IS together. You've had three kids, managed to get away from their fathers and have survived to tell the tale, you have had a reasonable period of celibacy and you have made up your mind not to have more children...seems all good to me.
You don't need a man to be happy and the whole 'soul mate' thing is questionable, but you probably are just ready to meet someone else, maybe to enhance the life you have.
Choose a good dating site and perhaps just date men who already have kids and dont want any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): How old are you exactly? Yur age bracket shows 41-50, so you are over 40. I have good news for you, if not this moment but very very soon, getting pregnant wont be an issue for you anymore. If a guy wants a baby, and this is crucialy important to him, he won't pick you, trust me.
Instead of putting off your dating life why not to use some birth control pills, or condoms. There are plenty other things out there that you can use. I really don't see the point of you to tie your tubes, and then go for relationship. I live with my husband and for the past 22 years since the age of 24 I don't get pregnant, as we ony wanted one child, and after her birth desided to stop. We use calendar, I use to do pills. There are plenty of ways not to get pregnant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): You can just start dating, you don't have to have sex for months, by which time you can talk about all this with your partner. You never know, the person you meet may have had a vasectomy. Otherwise for yourself there is the pill or the coil, especially look into the mirena coil. It's got hormones in it too. Very effective contraceptive. It won't cost that much. Don't write off relationships because you don't want kids. Good luck x
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