A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I told my crush(an exchange student) I liked him. However, he said long distance relationship was impossible and if a relationship came into existence it wouldn't continue... In addition to this, he said he had no idea when he will come back to my country and he would be busy when he returned to his country. As for me, it is 2 years after that I can meet him, if I go to his country to study abroad.. In other words, we may not meet at all at least for 2 years. So, the tool for contacting is either Facebook or Skype. But, there are 14 hours time-lag between us, so we may not contact consistently.. When I go to bed, in his country it is am.. And after his saying long distance was impossible with a reason, I asked him how he felt about me. He then said ".. a friend?" And also said " I'm a bad boyfriend.." But he asked me out, emailed me, asked my address, and we flirted each other a little( when he was tipsy). So, what was his feeling toward me? It's a little mysterious, so I need your opinions!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Losing someone who has come to mean a lot to you is horrible to contemplate. Of course you will feel so sad to see him return to his country. I think he has touched your heart. But is he feeling the same way? I am so very very sorry to have to conclude that he possibly does not feel the same way.
All I have to go on are his own words, as relayed by you. But they are indeed very telling words
Your friend is being very very truthful to you and completely realistic. He has told you "I'm a bad boyfriend.." He would know himself better than anyone. Trust his judgement. He is trying to let you down very gently.
As romantic as it sounds, to continue this relationship, and against the odds - neither of you are in the right place right now. Right person, wrong time happens all the time.
And he has truthfully told you, "long distance relationship was impossible and if a relationship came into existence it wouldn't continue"
How much clearer can he make it ?
Then he has followed that up with more water poured on the idea of the two of you being able to sustain a relationship when he told you that he has, "no idea when he will come back to my country and he would be busy when he returned to his country"
Sadly your crush has other plans. And those plans do not include you, at the moment.
His feelings for you are not a mystery. If you will allow him any liberties he may choose to take advantage of those liberties before he has to leave, as he has nothing to lose, and may never see you again. So of course he can flex his male libido and flirt with you. Guys love the power of flirting as it makes them feel alive.
I have no doubt that your romantic exotic gorgeous crush has made you feel delicious.
But he can only offer a fantasy. In fact he is being blunt to the point of telling you that you are a "friend". Just a friend.
Sadly I think you are going to lose this guy. And you need to start preparing yourself prior to his departure. Because it will be a sad and emotional time. Do take the time to say good bye. I think he has worked out that you do like him and would like to have more contact with him in the future.
But I do not think the feeling is mutual for him.
So please do start exploring more activities that you can use to distract you and harness your energy once he has left your country.
Take time out for your friends. Invite some of your friends to join you and meet for a nice meal together.
Look at ways to make life more interesting for you once he has returned to his country. You may even like to take up a new hobby. Or do some volunteer work. But whatever you do please keep in mind that you need to distract your mind from the sadness you will feel when he returns to his own country.
Maybe one day he will return to your country. No one can say for sure if he will or will not.
But please do try to get on with your life and fill it with interesting activities so that you survive this very tough period of your life.
Best Wishes for your studies and your future.
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