A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with a girl. Me and this girl have known each other for around a year now and we enjoy talking to each other and spending time with each other. Now the problem lies in how we think of each other. I did ask her out but got a no and her reason was she was seeing someone, but recently during a conversation she let it slip that she hasn't got the slightest interest in me and that the thought of me in that way creeps her out. Now I suggested that maybe it's best if we didn't see or speak to each other, however she said that she wants to stay friends. Now I have tried being friends with a girl who I liked this much before (you know that kind of girl that you can't stop thinking about) but it ended up terribly with that girl who now hates me. I just felt terrible when I would see that girl with someone else and I just started to get really depressed and went through all sorts of mental problems. Now I don't want this girl to end up hating me like the last and I don't want to feel miserable like last time. So should I stay friends with her or should I go with the plan of never seeing here again?
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female
reader, anon642 +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Oh i see, thanks for clearing that up, however, after reading the answer below this, i rated it excellent and totally agree with it :)
Good luck and all the best for the future.
A
male
reader, Cyberwit  +, writes (4 October 2008):
Hey dude,
How are you doing.
I know exactly what you are going through, most blokes do.
I am fortunately older than you by some degree and and have learned some over the years.
First of all DON'T DISPARE. this is not a big problem even though it may take you a long time to realize it.
With regard to her, girls can be quite complicated to understand most of the time, She wont be honest about the way she feels if she does not want to hurt your feelings. BUT, contrary to popular belief girls are quite easy to learn.
What isnt easy is dealing with being in love with 'a friend' even more difficult is trying to get a girl who sees you as just a friend to fall in love with you.
BUT, another big but, it does sometimes happen. SO you have to keep your options open - stay friends with her - if she is a nice person then most deffinitely stay friends. You will learn as you get older that your female friends will sometimes be the greatist givers in you life - giving more than your wife or girlfriend would give you at times but I dont mean sex, although sometimes that might rarely be involved.
What you need to do is not expend too much energy on her or the relationship between you - spend a bit more time on broadening your horizons - there are other girls out there who are hot too.
VERY IMPORTANT - be playful and cheaky toward her - girls like this - if she asks you one day if her hair looks ok tell her that no, today its probably better if you were bald - if she says I look fat tell her she looks enormous.
But do this in a joky manner - be light hearted - in one way showing her that her concerns are rediculous and that they are not concerns you have about her so she shouldnt either.
Then maybe start going on about yourself asking her if you look fat or is your hair ok.
This is something that must flow easily and jovially and in a funny and light hearted way - dont act.
So it is something you will probably have to learn.
If she asks you why you have changed or are not spending as much time with her dont be too serious. Tell her there are loads and loads of girls who are becomming intersted in you and it is very distracting. Cheaky and sarcastic but in a frienly way - Pretend she is your sister.
But dont spent too much time with her. Show her you have a varied and exiting social life of your own.
Never be nasty only cheaky and sarcastic.
Being more light hearted, fun, flayful(sarcastic) and less available may bring her around but if not dont let it upset you. Stay good friends but spend less time with her.
If you get a opportunity to kiss her even on the cheek quickly do it then tell her you have an important maths lesson to get to or an important bridge game with you gran.
Try to do it in a cheaky fasion.
All along this transformation you are most importantly learning and becoming confident like the cool guys but in you own little way - dont get too wierd though otherwise she will think you've lost it.
Just remember that guys fall in love real fast but we can fall out of love fast too and that is a help sometimes.
That does not mean however that you should stop loving her as a friend - just dont show that to her.
Also being in a relationship is not the be all and end all of life.
Get a life - I dont mean that in a bad way. Start doing things you find fun or important to you - this builds confidence and happiness in you and often success. Good women like these qualities in a bloke and you only want to attract good women, trust me.
Be a brat if you can - a sarcastic cheaky shit, but always be a good person.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Here's the way I see it. From your point of view the fact she stated she "doesn't see you that way, etc" has got to hurt. From what I know, from the girls point of view, chemistry is everything. She doesn't have it for you and she never will. You won't be able to change that. Why? I wish I could tell you but virtually all guys have been in that sitution,and often a number of times. You have a girl of your dreams etc, and she just pours cold water on you and that is that.
I have tried the "being friends" routine, but here is what usually happens...eventually you just drift away from her. Part of what attracted you to her is now gone, and try as you like it just won't work. Eventually, she becomes a distant memory. Hurts like hell, but that is the way life is sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@anon642 I apologise if I said it wrong the past girl I stayed friends with and she ended up hating me as I found it hard when she was with people and she at times got very angry at me. We ended up not speaking to each other after being friends for a long time and I ended up feeling better for it.
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A
female
reader, anon642 +, writes (4 October 2008):
There's no need to never see her again.
You say you like her, and have liked someone this much before but because that ended badly, you were left feeling depressed, and now they hate you. Presuming that you obviously dont see/talk to them now.
Wouldnt you rather still talk to this girl, rather than it ending up like last time.
I agree with comment below.
Simply apologise.
And just talk to her as friends, and keep it at that. Just friends.
Dont look at her in that way, if she has said she doesnt want to be more than friends, you need to respect that.
I know its upsetting and it feels like your never gonna meet anyone else, but eventually, in time, you will. And they will also like you back and you'll still be friends with this girl and be able to laugh it all off.
Now doesnt that sound better than this girl hating you aswell and never talking to you again?
All the best.
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A
female
reader, D.D.B +, writes (4 October 2008):
Just go up to her and explain that you were being stupid and make friends, its pretty simple because she wanted to be friends and your just going to feel more upset if you keep going on like this!!!
so for you own sake say sorry and go and see if you can make it up to her!!!
see, simple!!
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