A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted a personals ad a while back just looking for someone to hang out with. I wasn't really looking for anything serious. I met a man an he seemed cool but he stressed to me over and over that he was looking for something serious eventually. I was willing to see what happened. So we started seeing each other. From the very beginning he was doing the exact opposite of someone that wanted a relationship. He never called unless I called him and asked him to call me back. He talked about other girls and the kind of women he likes. I didn't mind because I said ok maybe we'll just have fun and didn't really bother to pretend this relationship was going somewhere.Then he gets upset and tells me that he's losing interest because I act like I don't care about him and like I don't want to be serious. Since this was one of those conversations defining our relationship I explained to him that if he wanted to be serious there were things I needed from him like I needed an attentive bf, someone that calls me, asks how I'm doing someone that shows they care. He said I was right and he would give me those things as long as I give him what he wants (which was to submit to him completely - that's a different topic but I said yes) He ended up completely disregarding all of the promises he made as a potential long term partner. So I held back with my feelings, emotions and submitting. Clearly to protect myself. But by this time I was really hurt and upset that he just wasn't putting in the effort after all of our talks.So I ended up sending him a really long hateful email saying some awful things. Yes, it was wrong. So after a while I apologized and told him I lost my cool because he frustrated me. I apologized LOTS. So finally I call him and he talks to me and we both apologize to each other and agree to meet that night. While I'm on my way he sends me a text telling me he isn't around and we can't hang out. That's all. I just turned around and went home but told him that was ok and I would just do something else with my friends instead. He said his intention wasn't to ditch me but I really think it was. Now I'm the one heartbroken and chasing this guy when I didn't even want a serious relationship in the first place. He did. What do I do? Should I continue to talk to him and get some closure. Or try my hardest to move on. It really is hard to move on.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 He's manipulative. His only intention is to break women's spirits, to make them submit and bend to his will. He does that by making you feel that when he's losing your interest, it's all your fault. When there are relationship problems, it's all your fault and that other women would do a better job. There is nothing you do but to move on. When you begin a "relationship" with him, he will be "losing interest" many times as a punishment to reinforce total obedience from you. Do you know when he would lose interest? Every time you let your guard down and your anxiety subsides. This is no way to live life.
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