A
male
age
36-40,
*eorgeromero
writes:I know there are a million people who have been through this but right now I feel like I'm the only one.I have a great job and live in a great city. I broke up with my ex girlfriend over 9 months ago now.My problem is I'm in love with my best friend and this caught me so off guard. People have said to me that a guy and a girl can never be best friends without one person eventually wanting the other and I always disagreed, adamant that me and my best friend had a higher level of relationship where we were close friends.It's not as simple as having the nerve to tell her (although that does scare me) because I also live with her and our mutual friend. If I tell her and she says no I could lose the friendship and have to move out.We talk in detail about sex, relationships and everything and I feel like I'm lying to her by not saying anything. She's so beautiful but she's also exactly what I want in a girlfriend. she's independent, smart, funny and fallible just like me.I know people always say 'are there signs' but I cant tell? what are the signs? I've had plenty of girlfriends and relationships but with this I'm always looking for something concrete to justify the risk. I had a crush on her when we first met over 5 years ago but I was seeing her friend so pushed it to the back of my mind but now a few years on I can't block it out.
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 This may crush you, but I was very recently in the same boat. And I discovered that I would rather be best friends than start a relationship.
Now let me take a step back and tell you my story. It will help you understand what I'm about to say. I understand your love for her. You were "caught off guard"... I was too. I was very confused because out of nowhere I just realized it, and I wrestled with the idea for a long time. I didn't know how to approach her, but I knew I needed to tell her because if anything I DID want to keep us on an honest level. I knew I had really really deep feelings for her, but I didn't just flat out say I was in love with her.
When I told her, I told her because we talked about her boys sometimes and I'd give advice, and I didn't feel as if it was fair of me to give her advice if I have subconscious ulterior motives. Then she put it perfectly. She said she knew what I meant, but it was more that we were brother and sister. And I realized she was right. I had grown a deep love for her, and grew protective of her as I would a younger sister. This made a lot of sense to me, and put my heart to rest. I realized I would much rather have a sister than even try and work things out in a relationship. It is too beautiful to mess up.
Now, I am not saying you feel the exact same way as me, but I am proposing that you think about it. You have a beautiful relationship right now, and everything WILL change if you date. It's a whole different kind of relationship, and it may not work out as perfectly as you think. I would suggest you talk to her much like I did. Make sure she knows you don't necessarily want anything to change, you just want her to know you are really having strong feelings towards her and she has a right to know. Her response will either be "Me too, should we try dating?" or "Me too, you are like my brother." She will see what she wants to see, which is a good thing for you. Keep me updated on what you decide to do. I'll be praying for you.
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