A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Extremely confused by this older married man!? There is this man at my work who is constanly flirting with me. He is about 20 plus years older than me, I am only 22. We do not work together but cross paths a few times a week or more. I have known him for nearly 6 months now. Everytime i see him, he will smile at me, make eye contact, say "hello gorgeous" . He calls me various sweet names like gorgeous, darling, love, angel, babe, sweetie ect. He jokes around with co workers of his and mine calling me his girlfirend. He complimens me often saying i look good. He compliments my work and always tells me how good i am at my job. He asks other employees where i am when i am not in my office. When i don't see him for a couple of days or more he says he missed me and asks if i missed him. He is always very charming and polite however twice he has made comments that were slightly sexual. I am just so confused by this. If he is married then why does he act this way? Is this kind of behavior inappropriate for a married man? Does it mean he is attaracted to me? In all honesty i am very attracted to him, i find him very handsome but i have stopped responding to his flirting ever since i found out he was married. Has not seemed to put him off and it seems that he is slowly and gradually becoming more full on. Any insight would be most helpful, thanks.
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co-worker, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tobson  +, writes (21 February 2012):
I think most things have been said but one I would like to add: what he is doing is borderline sexual harassment and highly inappropriate, you might enjoy the attention but if you objectively look at it he is harassing you.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 No this is not appropriate behaviour, if his wife knew about this she would be incredibly upset. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if your husband was telling a girl at work how beautiful she is and going around saying this girl is his girlfriend? You wouldnt be happy would you!
So of course this is not acceptable, this is very wrong of him and clearly he is the sort of man that doesnt respect his wife or care about her despite the vows he has taken.
Some men (and women) are massive flirts, and they carry on doing this regardless of whether they are married or not. Unfortunately these days a lot of people dont take marriage seriously and will break their vows without a second thought. And people also give in too easily to temptation, so in this married man's case you are the temptation and he is not strong enough to resist. He doesnt have good morals, and would probably cheat on his wife with you given the chance. So that is why he is doing this in a nutshell.
As Dear Mandy has said, you are doing the right thing by not flirting back with him, he is married therefore there is no chance for you to ever be with him. If he keeps on flirting and being innapropriate, then take him to one side and tell him very clearly that you do not flirt with married men and he needs to stop acting this way as it is unprofessional.
If he ignores this and carries on, then I suggest talking to your boss as it will be bordering on harassment if you tell him to stop and he ignores you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 February 2012):
 HI
stay well away from this man,he is slowly worming his way into your bed, this is NOT how a married man should behave, and especially with a work colleuge. you are doing the right thing now by not allowing him to get closer. It may have been fun and flirty for a while but you now know his married, I suggest the next time he gets a little ( lets say fruity) with you, just say politely as flattering as that is I would rather you dont talk to me in this way please and keep it proffessional, I dont respond to MARRIED MEN. Im sure he will get the hint and back off. could you imagine if you fell for that crap? if you ended up in his bed I give it 2 days MAX and the whole workforce will know about it, good job you have a brain and never fell for it :).
hope this helps
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): AVOID, AVOID AVOID!
He is married, therefore, NOT AVAILABLE.
Imagine you were his wife, or his girlfriend, look how he treats you behind his back? By flirting with other girls at the office, who are 20 years his junior!?!
This is now escalating from casual flirting to more inappropriate behaviour (sexual innuendoes, etc) and seeing as you have not stopped him before, he has continued.
Why does he act this way even though he is married? Because he can! As long as he has an opportunity, why won't he try? Again, why does he do it? because he has no morals and no standards.
Don't be confused by this. It happens A LOT in the corporate world, and you have to rise above it. It does not make you special, if he tries it with you, he will try it with someone else. There were girls before you, and there will be girls after you. Get it? You have to set your boundaries, have courage of convictions and keep your principles, morals and standards in place.
The fact that you are attracted to him, even more reason to AVOID HIM at all costs. He is not your direct supervisor, you don't owe him anything, except avoidance to ensure you meet someone who deserves you and can be there for you 100%, not a married older guy who should know better than to try and seduce a beautiful, talented girl with her future ahead of her. Don't let it sidetrack you on the way to your bright future!
There WILL be other gorgeous, attractive guys for you, that are SINGLE and AVAILABLE and ready to mingle with you :) Be patient and don't settle for second best!
Make sure you keep busy, follow other interests to keep you entertained and fulfilled, and in no time you can meet someone worthy of you.
Please look after your heart, and only give it to someone deserving!
Best Wishes,
xxxx E
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