A
male
age
36-40,
*ntirelyDedicated
writes:Hi I'm 21 and my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. She is only my second sexual partner and the only one I have truly loved. My first was a relationship with a 28 year old married woman when I was 18 that started over the internet. This woman drove over 600 miles every week to spend the weekend with me which was mostly sexual. She said that she had only had an orgasm once during sex throughout her life and never with her husband, but she was having an orgasm almost every time from intercourse alone. She bought me gifts, spent thousands of dollars on hotels coming here and was entirely infatuated with me, however I did not have the same feelings. I broke up with her and didn't have another relationship for another few months until I met my current girlfriend.My problem is that I am confused about sexuality and how age plays a role in this. MY girlfriend has said we have the best sex she's ever. But she rarely wants to initiate sex, if I start she will go with it and love it, I know she is not faking it because she is not one to pretend liking something, if she doesn't like it, she says it, which I prefer. I don't know why my first partner wanted to have sex about 10 times a day and my girlfriend now will rarely initiate sex even though she really enjoys it. Could birth control pills be playing a factor? Is it her age? I'm not being cocky but my performance is not the issue it seems to be her drive to initiate, she is very uncomfortable even talking about sex, she thinks it's something dirty that's taboo. Is there any way I can open her up sexually so she is not so shy about it?
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (18 March 2007):
 You don't say how old your girlfriend is but I'm guessing maybe she is your age?
At the age of 28, your former lover knew what she wanted and how to get it. By that age a lot of women know what they like and don't like in bed and they also know that it's doesn't make you a "bad or "dirty" if you tell the guy what you want, how you want it and when you want it.
Your current girlfriend however, maybe hasn't gotten that comfortable about herself in a sexual perspective yet. Maybe she is afraid of getting rejected ("not tonight honey, I have a headache") or maybe she thinks it's wrong for the girl to initiate these things. Even in these modern times a lot of girls still seem to carry with them their grandmothers' ideas of how some things is just "the guy's job", like asking her out on the first date, making sure the car works and initiating sex.
And maybe the two of you have enough horizontal gymnastics as it is and she's gotten comfortable about you always starting things.
Tell her that you love her so much and that you find her very attractive (I'm sure you already told her, but it won't hurt her to hear it again) and that it would be a major turn on for you if she would initiate sex from time to time.
Then you make sure to leave her enough space so that she can actually do it: ie, if you have sex 3 times a week, try just doing it once, and see if she starts something by herself.
Good luck!
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