A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Need advice, so I've been single for a few months and the only things I like about it are the freedom. I've always been in a relationship mindset so the solo experience has certainly been new. Currently I hook up with 2 male friends of mine. They both know each other and consider each other friends, they both don't know I'm with the other. We don't want relationships, it's just sex. Should I tell the other who I'm active with? Is it wrong to just have fuck friends and not actively pursue finding someone new? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): The double standard that *SOME* people have is irrelevant.
Lots of people would not carry on having multiple sex partners without informing the others. Lots of people also would not have multiples at the same time at all. That kind of person has the right to know if his/her partner is capable of things he/she finds morally distasteful.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (8 August 2012):
"If you are only honest as long as it doesn't cause you problems then you are dishonest."
You took one sentence in my response out of context. What my advice was intended to convey is a woman who had multiple FWB's at one time shouldn't advertise the fact. There's no need to be forthcoming and say "hey, for a while I had two FWB's, but it is ok because it was just sex". She is much better off keeping that info to herself. A guy is very unlikely to come right out and ask a woman if she was ever in that specific situation, so being a bit artful and vague - but not deceitful - if she is asked about her history should be all that is required to keep it private.
Being dishonest is never the right the right call, and I would not advocate that. But it is also not true to assume that a partner needs to know every last detail about someone's sexual history. If what happens in Vegas can be left in Vegas, then having simultaneous FWB's can also be left unsaid.
I'm sorry, but the fact is that there are many guys who will think less of a woman who at one point was sleeping with multiple guys, especially if the multiple guys didn't know about each other. Lots of guys will hear something like that and question her moral foundation. I realize there's an argument about double standards, but that doesn't change what guys are going to think. I'm just alerting the OP that this is info which could potentially damage her reputation with a potential mate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): "Being honest about it will only turn some guys off to you."
If you are only honest as long as it doesn't cause you problems then you are dishonest.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (7 August 2012):
As a couple of the others have said, the important thing is to use protection. You aren't in a relationship with either guy, so telling either one about the other is not required. It is also probably a bad idea, in that it will very likely change the way these guys see you. One or both may decide to end the arrangement, or shift from a FWB to more of a straight booty call situation, where they will sleep with you but not really be a friend per se.
On that note, there are guys who will look down upon you if you get into a relationship with them at some point in the future and tell them about having two FWB's at the same time in your past. For better or worse, having one FWB is somewhat more socially acceptable than having multiples simultaneously. You can almost play a single FWB off as a pseudo-relationship. Some guys will question your character if they knew you were sleeping with more than one guy at a time, however, relationship or not. That's just how it is. It isn't wrong and everyone has their own morals, but there is a definitely general perception that such behavior isn't "classy".
Just be aware that this is a part of your history that you will probably want to keep to yourself in the future. Being honest about it will only turn some guys off of you.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 I see no reason to tell your friends what you're doing, but that's up to you. As for not pursuing another, I would actually recommend avoiding a serious relationship for at least a year. And when you're ready to pursue a relationship, Having your own needs satisfied may help you approach that is a more level-headed way.
Enjoy yourself -- and them!
Mugzie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): What you are doing is not technically wrong but it's going to change how these guys see you if they find out. They probably won't be happy about it either.
If you want to have casual sex then just be prepared to accept the consequences of it later. I dont just mean STIs or emotional trouble. I also mean it changes how other people see you, especially men. You won't be able to just undo the changes later by going back to your old habits. Its a one way street.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): The whole idea of friends with benefits isn't wrong, its an understanding and regular arrangement between TWO consenting people that suits them more than a committed relationship.Despite there being no long term emotional commitment involved, I think its still wrong to be sleeping with more than one person at a time.A true friend with benefits is someone you know, trust and have respect for. Someone you can go to for your intimate needs to be satisfied, and not have to worry about putting yourself at risk because they're having unprotected sexual relations with other people at the same time. If your going to degrade others (and yourself for that matter), then you may as well do the one night stand thing with random nobody's as and when it suits you... To be honest. (My opinion)
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (6 August 2012):
 Hi
As long as your using condoms for obvious reasons its up to you,your an adult.
Just beware of emotions creeping in, if you read other posts on here from women in FWB situations you will see the pitfalls.
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