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Is it ok to send him one last text asking what happenend?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I started dating a guy about a month ago. It seemed like he was very into me. He told me he was excited to have me in his life. He would text me good morning every day and send me texts throughout the day and at night he would text me good night. Things were progressing nicely. We saw each other 3 or 4 times a week and I even met his 2 kids. Then after a month the text messages just stopped one day. I sent him one asking if he was ok and got no response. It's now been a week since I've heard from him. I'm very curious what I did. Is it ok to send him one last text asking what happenend?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (10 October 2012):

Ciar agony auntI'm with doublejack on this one. When something blossoms that fast it tends to fizzel out just as quickly.

I would not send another text or make any attempt to contact him. You've already sent one. If there was some emergency, he can get back to you when it's passed. He knows how to reach you and if he wanted to that badly he would have found a way.

Take things much more slowly next time.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony aunt Things like this are very odd but they do happen. I've had a guy disappear for no apparent reason, too, and he also seemed very kern. It hurts and it's so confusing.

I don't think you should send another text because I don't think you'll get a response, and it'll feel even worse. I think you have to let it go, and you'll forget about him soon enough.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI hope nothing happened to him... meeting the kids and then disappearing seems to not fit...

I however would not send a text.

I assume he knows where you live.... if he does even if he lost his cell phone, if he really wants to see you he will find you.

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A female reader, Little Miss Maple United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2012):

Yeah go for it

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (9 October 2012):

kenny agony auntits stange that he has just gone cold like that, there could be many reasons why. I would send him one last text, or even call. If you get no response i would not persue it any further. As Caring Guy says if you send one you will be tempted to send another, then another, and another, So send one text then delete him from your contacts, this way you coulden't contact him even if you wanted to, then the balls in his court.

Good luck

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (9 October 2012):

I honestly would not bother, OP. There are several red flags with this guy.

1. From your description, he was a little too over zealous. He only started dating you a month ago, and was already saying things like he was excited to have you in his life? That is too much, too soon. There's no way he could have known you well enough to really and truly mean that. This is not a slight against you in any way, it is just a fact that a month is too early to make that assessment.

2. As a single dad, I am alarmed that he would let you meet the kids so soon. You may be awesome, but that is just bad form. I wait at least twice that long, and sometimes as much as 3-4 months. There is no right and wrong, and every situation is a judgement call, but I am definitely against an introduction within the first few weeks. Kids bond quickly and that is just too soon.

3. The fact that he disappeared, Houdini style. That shows a lack of character, and a total lack of concern for you and your feelings. A good guy doesn't go from constant communication to dead air.

OP, I think there is nothing you did wrong here, nor is there anything to learn by asking him. If he responds, he will either be evasive, dishonest about it, or string you along to keep his sexual options open. His actions say all you need to know here... hit the "next" button and move on from him.

Best of luck!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (9 October 2012):

Honeypie agony auntYea when a guy drops of the face of the planet.. he does it for a reason.

And he isn't going to give that reason to you.

It's only been a month and he pulls that? Iffy dude.. Iffy dude.

UNLESS, he lost his cell phone and don't have your number, in that case.. hopefully he will find a way to contact YOU.

I would NOT text him again. (unless.. he texts first)

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2012):

Let him go. You sent a text, got nothing back. Don't send another one, or you'll be tempted to send another, and another. And you'll probably never get the truth anyway.

People spend aged agonizing over closure, or trying to find out what they did. You probably didn't do anything anyway.

Let him go.

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