A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi.im not sure if this is the right type of question for this site but im gonna write it anyway. Ive started going out with a girl that ive been close to a long time. We had sex last night and she did not orgasm. I mentioned it after because I get gutted if my partner doesnt climax because for me that is like like 80% of my enjoyment, to know that my partner is enjoying. After i mentioned it she just said nevermind next time, but then she said that she had never had an orgasm before. I then said maybe she is someone who cant climax with penetrative sex and that next time il make her orgasm the other way. however then she told me that she has just never had an orgasm at all, in any way. I was very surprised cos although she has only had one sexual partner they were together for six years so i thought surely to god he would have found a way to make her climax in all that time.She began to say that she thinks she just cant have an orgasm. I told her it is possible that maybe she cant achieve orgasm with penetration but I said that every woman can climax with clitoral stimulation. Is this true?we began to speak openly about things although she was quite embarrassed. she told me in her last relationship when her ex used to give her oral sex that she used to be quite tense and the longer it went on for the more concious she was that she wasnt gonna cum and thats all she could think about. this could be why she never did. also i asked how long they used to do it for and she sed about 10 minuites but then shed get frustrated and then just ask for sex. I told her that in can take a lot longer than that and that im positive i can make her orgasm. the only thing is im only going on my past experiences and i just may be lucky that i was with people that could climax. also my knowledge is limited to the people ive been with so probably doesnt apply to every woman. in the past it has sometimes taken quite a long time for my partner to climax through oral sex and sometimes it was quick. im worried that ive made my girlfriend believe she can definately achieve an orgasm but maybe she actually just cant.Her only sexual relationship before being with me was with a guy who was also a virgin when they met. So i think maybe he never really learnt to give a woman an orgasm and also would not even know that he hasnt made her orgasm. so it may just be that it never happened with them and they never even thought about it, it was 6 years but it is possible. after i made her feel confident she would be able to get an orgasm through oral sex she started saying maybe she could through penetrative sex because sex never lasted very long with her ex. we had sex last night and after 5 mins she said are you close to cummin. i was really concious that she wasnt enjoying it because she asked that so i made myself finish quicker. later she said that our session was long, which makes me think maybe she hasnt climaxed through penetrative sex because it didnt last very long.I know this isnt really a question as such, i suppose im looking for a bit of enlightenment from some experienced people who could maybe shine some light on somethings i may be missing. I suppose ive just been lucky that in my 1st relationship when i was younger everything just happened and we were both really open about things, and ever since ive met women who know their bodies better than my current girlfriend. I would also like to know are there some women that just cant climax at all? Ive never met one but im young and havent had loads and loads of partners. i personally think because this girl was in a long relationship she just accepted she couldnt orgasm and now its more mental than physical, like some men who cant get an erection, its just always on her mind. any advice would be appreciated thanks.
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erection, her ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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male
reader, meganutts  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Good heavens, 6 years without an orgasm, dude I would lose my mind of I couldn't cum, seriously. Man, talk to your women. Encourage her to masturbate, masturbate her for her, she's wayyyy too backed up. Lick that pussy, however long it takes, do it, buy sex toys, buy porn, do something, no woman should be deprived of sumthing like that for that long.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help. she doesnt masturbate, and never has for some reason. could this be a big issue? because if she has never learnt what she likes and how to make herself orgasm then it would probably be harder for someone else too. could this be a possible factor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): That link doesn't seem to work now but i know what the writer means, anorgasmia is the inability of a woman to orgasm, even with stimulation
although the term anorgasmia includes women who medically unable to reach orgasm, the majority of cases are caused by social, cultural, or relationship variables and can be treated in therapy.
Women suffering from any sexual dysfunction, including anorgasmia, should be evaluated by a gynecologist before delving too far into sex therapy.
If you type in to google what is anorgasmia then click the link health 24 it will tell you in depth what it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): You could try to do more foreplay but it maybe possible that your partner has a medical condition called anorgasmia if you scroll down after clicking the link it will explain what the condition ishttp://www.health24.com/sex/problems/1253-1264,22052.aspI hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Love is all you need +, writes (1 August 2009):
 well some woman just can't orgasm with their partners, you could get her to do it herself and she probably will get one. You can get these pills as well that make it easier, sometimes you need to be stimulated befor having an orgasm. To do this she/you can: rub at her clit until she gets wet, then finger her, give her a sexual massage, go n the shower with her and put it on strong then put it to her clit, then go for the whole sex!
hope that helped! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): There are very few women in the world who cant climax at all, and that is usually because of a physical problem. Those women also do not enjoy sex or get any sensation at all. If your girlfriend can get aroused, then she can have an orgasm. Oral sex may not work for her either because it is similar to intercourse when it goes on for a while. You just get used to it when you are a woman. It feels good at first but if it is the same thing for more than five minutes then feelings start to die down. What works the best is clitoral stimulation and penetration at the same time. Like if you are giving her oral sex use your fingers inside her too and make the rhythym fast. While you are having sex try a position where you can reach her to play with her clitoris during intercourse, or get her to do it if she is up to it. After all, only she knows where to hit the spot.
Another aspect of it could definately be mental too. If she is so aware of things other than the sexual stimulation she is getting then the things you do to please her will not build on each other. They will feel good but go nowhere because she has herself convinced that she cant climax. Or maybe its a body image issue. Women are very conscious of how they look, smell, etc during sex sometimes and that can distract her from the exciting stuff. Bottom line, she has to be in a very comfortable atmosphere so she can focus first.
My suggestion, spice things up. Bring more to the bedroom than just the two of you. Lubes, toys, even just a few new ideas for positions can help a lot. And change positions if you have to. Oh, and my experience is that Doggie style and reverse cowgirl offer the best stimulation during sex.
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